Chapter 3

the evil queen has arrived!

Chapter 3

With the soldiers order complete he headed back to Bedros‘s kingdom immediately. His new order that Bedros had given him was to track the army’s progress and watch it closely.  With  everyone  aware  of  the coming  army  they became worried and worry became fear  when  Bedros’s  eagle soldier  came back  to  give  an  update  on the  army 2 months later. “My king I have terrible news,” The soldier said.

“What is it?”  Bedros voice had a hint of fear in it.

“ The  army  that  I  spoke  to you  about  2 months  ago, it  will  be  here tomorrow,”  The soldier put his head down.  Bedros gasped, he was so confused. How could an Army move that fast?

“Please alert my brothers and sisters! Tell them it’s time for war,” His voice sounded very strict and the Soldier rushed out the door and went to tell everyone.  The next 2 days were hell.  Their armies weren’t even fully trained yet and the people knew it. Doubt filled the people’s hearts and questions rose.

When the army arrived it was enormous. All the soldiers all had rags over their heads and carried giant spears so sharp they cut the air and made it scream.  Their armor was black and green with ridged cuts. They all stood only yards away from the tall red wall surrounding all the kingdoms.  “Why are they just standing there and not attacking?” asked Cathy as she stood on top of the wall with her brothers and sisters. No one answered her; they all just stared at the army analyzing It., looking for a weakness. Then surprisingly they all saw a woman step to the front of the army, she was wearing a black and green dress with a white stone on her chest. not a sliver of skin nor hair was shown. No one knew who she was until they saw the stone.  It was the same woman who their parents stole the stones from. “What brings you to our kingdoms you monster,” said Bedros furiously.

“Ha a monster no, I come to take the things that are mine,” she stared at the stones engraved it their chest. “Give them to me or I will destroy your kingdoms,” The queen smiled.

Even knowing that they were outnumbered Bedros said “A war you came for and a war you will get. We fight tomorrow,” Bedros and the others walked away feeling the power of stress and hoped that he had said the right thing.

“What a foolish king,” The evil queen whispered to herself. She listened to Bedros and decided it would be better to fight tomorrow that way she could fulfill her plan tonight.

Late that night a message was slipped into the kingdoms to the people.  It read “Join my army and be forever or die tomorrow in unspeakable torment. If you choose to join me there is something you must do first. You must kill your kings and queens. I require an answer by the morning or you will die with the rest who object my generous offer.” The people knew that they were outnumbered and that the queen’s army was much stronger than them. They all made their decisions and they were very faithful to it.

In the morning, chaos broke out inside the kingdoms. All of the kingdoms people had turned against them except Bedros’s kingdom. They were loyal to their king. In Carissa’s kingdom she was almost assassinated by her maids, Cathy was about to be poisoned but she smelled the water and knew. She didn’t know what to do so she escaped before they tried anything else. Nora’s throat was almost slit in her sleep but as soon she felt a breath on her skin she woke in a flash and struck. Andreas’s people tried to come at him all at once and that made him irate so he performed a move he called fireball fever. There were no survivors. Zale trapped himself in his room with a block of ice in front of the door. He escaped through a secret passageway. They all went to Bedros’s kingdom for refuge.

“My own people betrayed me!” screamed Carissa as she put her had on her head from frustration.

“Why would they do this,” Cathy cried. She had a river of tears coming down her face.

“It’s that queen she has altered them,” said Andreas while he was trying to cool off from this pandemonium.

“As long as we stay here we’ll be safe right,” asked Zale.  Then the eagle soldier dashed into the room.

 “My kings and queens the other kingdoms have joined the queen’s army and are attacking! They’ve already made it into the kingdom they will be in here in minutes!” then they heard a pounding on the giant throne room door. 

“Seconds” said Nora as she took out her dagger. The soldier pulled out his sword and put his helmet on making his head and eagle’s. Cathy got her bow ready and pointed it at the door. Carissa got into a fighting stance ready to put a spike in someone’s head. Andreas took out his twin swords and was ready to burn more souls. Zale grabbed his trident and stood firmly and Bedros held his cross tight and took a deep breath. The door became weaker and weaker. Each pound making the door crack more and more. 

Author's Note

OK so i know that the evil queen thing is like been there done that but she's got a twist and it gets crazier as you go on.... read and you wont regret it... and i'm taking about the whole book not just this chapter. oh! and one more thing. i need to know why you like your favorite character. okay that's it...

Reviews

[Alisha Heistand]

"spears so sharp they cut the air and made it scream"
Awesome. That imagery made the intensity of the coming war more interesting

[Redwater]

Great great great! Okay, the suspense is awesome, well needed, well done. You are starting to improve your grammar every chapter and it gets better and better! And I love that fireball fever of Andreas', nice personal touch kiddo.

Advice?

Punctuation. Commas, apostrophes, the works.
Format. Italicize and bolden words. This will never hurt your story, and will always give us readers a good idea of what the character is feeling.
But there is a catch.
Since you chose so many main characters it's now six times the work for you, so make sure not to forget someone or an important detail because it is MUCH easier to forget than remember these small details that might seem more important to the one who is reading. It wouldn't be a bad idea to jot down some simple notes somewhere and look at them every so often.

[Dez]

very good idea at the end about notes and forgetting things and i know my grammer is horrible so thank you for reading past it and see the story for what it is. your awesome

[Redwater]

Why thank you

[Dark Rider]

Your details are getting better, but the story seems a little rushed. Try slowing down some and put more details. Try getting deeper into the characters feelings. It'll help the reader connect with them, and make it more interesting. Like before, you never really stated that the stones were on their chest. You just said they were inside them. Try making things a little clearer. Overall though, it's a very interesting story. :)

[Dez]

i'm sorry but i cant help to say..... IF YOU VIEW IT REVIEW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gosh makes me mad a little... just a little though.... but 9 views!!! and no reviews... if you didn't read this story and your one of those viewers please just give me something... none of those 3 word reviews... i'm trying to GROW! i hope you all understand...