Chapter Two

Chapter 2

“I know you’ve been going to see this man” Akbar said.  She looked both concerned and frightened at once “I’ve followed you before.”

Anise felt more afraid for Akbar, than she did for herself or Assef. Assef's eyes had become bloodshot and his face had become tense and alert like a cornered animal, she moved between the two, as Akbar backed off.

“I don’t know who this man is” Akbar said  “But you need to stop seeing him”

Anise did not know how much Akbar had overheard, and Assef seemed ready to give chase if Akbar made any sudden movement.

“I want you to come home” Akbar said “I won’t tell father anything if you do as I say”.

 Anise bit her lip. On one hand she enjoyed how this brother, Akbar, accepted her as full member of the household, calling  Ratana Anise’s mother as well as theirs, and greeting her in the morning as if he was genuinely glad to see her.  But on the other, it did nothing when her three other brothers would destroy his words of kindness with their endless tormenting.

“What would you tell him?” Anise asked. Fearing the answer.

“We don’t associate with those people” Akbar replied, respectfully. Anise felt he was trying to be more  diplomatic than shaming, trying to appeal her sensibilities.

“We’re an honorable family, we don’t keep the company of these people”

Assef seemed to ignore this, and instead abruptly shoved past Ainse toward Akbar.

“What did you hear!” he said. Aninse saw his eyes stare brutally into his. It shocked her that such a gentle person she’d had known for so long could come so close to hurting another human being. It never occurred to Anise that Assnan had a long long life before he met her, that maybe he was accustomed to killing people

.

“WHAT DID YOU HEAR!” he screamed, louder this time.  He grabbed his arm, and Akbar spoke like he had lost his voice. Only a low mumble came out.

“I don’t know” He said. Tears welled up in his eyes. Anise had never seen a man cry before, and it pained her to see Akbar so fearful.

“You heard a part of a story” Assef said, calmly.  “That’s all you heard”.

 Akbar looked like he would collapse in tears. Assef seemed to be strangely unaffected. He let go of Akbar’s arm, and sent Anise a look that seemed to say.  “Handle this, these are your people”.

“You will both forget about me. You will you no longer visit, and you…” he looked pointedly at Anise

“Will forget everything that has taken place, is that clear?”   

 “Yes” Anise said. She knew she would be lying. But she also knew the more time that was spent now, the more likely the other would come searching for her. Assef seemed to understand that as well.

“Go now!” he said, letting Akbar go. Anise saw dark clouds began to gather over their heads, and began to run.   

Anise did not look back to see Assefs face, but she imagined it being very sad. She imagined him closing his eyes and tears flowing freely across his cheeks. She imagined his smile disappearing forever, and turning back into the fierce, bitter scowl he always had when she first began meeting him. And she felt in herself a urge to run back to him and hug him. To tell him goodbye and assure him that she would come visit again. She could not imagine either her without Assef and his stories, or Assef without her chatter, and her small gifts.  But she would never know how Assef felt after that. Because that was the last time she would ever see him again

When Anise returned to her house, she was not given supper, and told to go to bed immediately. Her other brothers sneered at her as she went up the stairs, but she didn’t care so much about them anymore as she did her own curiosity about herself, and the unspoken words of Assef. Why had she been told she had been born in that house?  Why was Assef so secretive about his past? And what more could he had told her if she had stayed longer. She knew she would return tomorrow. She had no other choice.

From the slim light underneath her door, she saw a piece of paper, slip through. She got up to read it, holding it on the floor and squinting to make out the words in the dim light, It wasn’t hard.

“MOTHER HATES YOU” the note read, in big bold, letters.  She crumpled it while holding back tears and threw it ferociously against the wall. She felt anger rise up in her, and threw herself back down in the bed. Her tears flowed freely with her thoughts of revenge. She imagined hanging them side by side in a great tree for all to see, their swinging, lifeless, forms monuments to her pain. She imagined burning the house down and hearing their screams rise with the smoke.  She always felt guilty thinking those kind of thoughts, but now see didn’t feel that way.  After all the pain she’d suffered, the abuse she’d endured, why shouldn’t they pay? Why shouldn’t they know what they’d done? More than simply emotion, it made sense to her now. Had they driven away her friend too? 

It was only tomorrow that she would see.

 

 

Reviews

[Lavorther]

I'm glad she at least has one brother who is nice to her. I really want to know what happens next.

I found some small mistakes:

"... Akbar said. She looked both ..."
As Akbar is the brother, this should be 'he'.

"It never occurred to Anise that Assnan ..."
Judging by the sentence, Assnan should be Assef.

"...their swinging, lifeless, forms monuments to her pain."
You should remove the comma after 'lifeless'.

I also noticed the previous chapter was named "Chapter one" and this one is named "Chapter 2". Small detail, but i would keep it consistent.

Other than that it read easily. You have a good balance between dialog and narration, and it was fun to read.

[Dhanadeepa Dixit]

Hey Lavorter, thanks so much for this review and pointing these things out to me. I'm going to keep a more watching eye on spelling from now on, and do more pre-editing before publishing anything else. Thank you so much for your help!

[Briana]

It's lovely to see that she's not entirely alone in that household, but such a family does not deserve respect. Those boys should be homeless and living in a broken, burned shell of a home. There are a few grammar and spelling errors throughout, so I'd suggest waiting a day or two and then going back over it. Looking at it with rested eyes and a clear mind will open you up to catch things you missed in the writing. This story is so engaging! I can't wait to read more!

[Dhanadeepa Dixit]

Thank you Briana! And yes, I'm going to keep a more watchful eye on spelling and grammar for the remainder of the chapters. Thank you for reading and letting me know your thoughts! Much appreciated (: