Bang Bang Lulu

Chapter one: First diary entry and the beginning of Lulu

Let’s start this off by saying this is the most embarrassing thing I have ever done. Stupid really. No sense in doing this, but here we go. This is my diary. A stupid little pink book that I painted black because there is no way I’m lugging anything pink around. The day I lug around a little pink book is the day I get the leading role in a multi-million dollar movie. Which is never going to happen.

I think I’m going to call it ‘Lulu’ because honestly I don’t feel like repeating myself every single time I’m referring to it. It’s not weird. ‘Weird’ is when guys name their cars. That’s just weird. “Don’t spill anything inside of Sarah, I JUST vacuumed her.” F*****g weirdos.

What am I even supposed to write? Anything I want? ‘The sky is blue, there are gray clouds blocking the sun. Looks like it’ll rain soon. That’s it for the weather report now back to you Bob.’  Who the f**k is Bob?  It’s a cloudy Sunday afternoon, rad.

You would expect me to say that I was dared to do this or that a therapist told me to buy this because it would help me get ‘‘in touch’’ with my emotions. Nah. It was an impulse buy. I’m very impulsive. And I didn’t even buy it. As I said, I’m very impulsive. It’s a problem. Connect your own dots. Tic-tac-toe it.  ‘Connect 4’ it. I don’t care how you do it, but I’m certainly not saying it. After a while, a week or so really, I thought there was no point in just having it lay there, might as well use it for something. Maybe it’ll even help me with my ‘problem’. See, I’m my own therapist. Harvard would be very lucky to have me, I can already smell my acceptance letter in the mail. Dr. Phil here to help. PhD in F**k off, I can’t afford a real therapist.  Lovely.

My name? Not important. Anonymous. Call me Anon. Maybe I’m a girl or a dude. Who knows… I’m a girl. Have fun narrowing that down. Ms. Anon. I kind of like it. Just in case Lulu gets lost or something. If Lulu does get lost because of my clumsiness and daydreaming self, please feel free to text ‘Redcross’ at 90999. You may save a life. Ain’t that great? It’s damn right selfless. If you have found Lulu and are reading this AND donated to the Redcross, I’m proud of you. Look! Tears are forming.  But don’t go further than this page.  PLEASE STOP HERE.  I do not know as of yet what I’ll be writing past this entry. This is quite exciting. Even my cat let out an ‘I agree’ meow… or maybe she was yawning.