Chapter One

Chapter One

A Chapter by Cecile Wonder

Chapter One

Walking down the halls of my school for the first time in a month is quite a bit like being the new kid. Everyone stops what the are doing to stare and whisper, but no one has the courage to come up and say anything to me. Even my best friends are avoiding me and it makes me think about why I tried to end my life to begin with. I see Zie up ahead chatting with her girlfriends and sigh. I have no clue how I am supposed to protect her when she doesn't want me around. She stops talking to her friend Sam as I approach.  

     "Hey loser, back from the dead are we?" She comments. There is a collective gasp from our peers as we stare at each other. I know that she isn't going to avoid me and pretend nothing happened and I am actually grateful for that.  

    "Yeah, I guess I just couldn't stay away from your charming nature. You just make me want to be alive Zie." I retort and she smiles. We've come to an understanding in this one exchanging of words. I have her respect, now all I have to do is get her to let me follow her around like a lost puppy dog.    

    Eric, a guy I had thought was my best friend, approaches me hesitantly. Zie smirks before flipping her hair and sauntering off with her b***h clique and I am sad to see her go in a way.

    "Hey man, you doin' ok?"  

    "If you mean am I going to try and kill myself again, then yeah, I'm fine. How are you and the team doin'? I mean besides acting like I don't exist and was never your guys friend?" Eric looks away as my anger boils.

    "Never mind, I need to get to class. See ya later man." I hurry off to Chemistry and try not to think about how lame the rest of this year is going to be. I have no friends and I am expected to protect Zie at all costs.

    When I get into Chemistry all the seats are taken but one. My only choice is to sit next to Zie and suffer all her annoying remarks about how I'm not smart enough to sit next to her. Ms. Bennett starts talking about some assignment they have been working on but stops when she see's me just sitting there.

  "Mr. Night, is there a reason you aren't following along? Just because you went off the deep end doesn't give you the right to slack off in class." Apparently even the teachers hated me now. I guess it doesn't help that she hated me before all of this.

  "You haven't exactly told me what we're working on yet so I have no clue what I'm supposed to be doing." I say with a sigh. She glares at me and points at Zie.

  "Miss Raine is sitting right next to you and can help you catch up." We both roll our eyes and groan loudly as the class laughs.     

    "Is that going to be a problem Ace?"

  I force a smile and sling my arm around Zie's shoulder. "No ma'am. Those we're sounds of happiness. Zie and I were just so excited to get to work together since we're the best of friends. We're so close, we might kill each  other in the all the excitement." I know that showing Ms. Bennett that you don't want to work with someone means you automatically will have to which I was trying to avoid. Ms. Bennett smiles her evil smile and laughs.

  "Well I'm glad. We have a project we are starting today and everyone has partners but Zie and you. Since I was allowing everyone to pick their partners I'm sure you two besties would enjoy being partners for the next month."

    Zie glares at me as the devil starts explaining the project some more. I shrug and lean back to listen. Ms. Bennett is passing out slips of papers that will be our experiment for the next month. I reach into the hat and pull out our slip as I hear everyone talking excitedly about what they are going to be doing. I look, read ours, and curse.

  "What? What does ours say?" I slide the paper over to Zie who's mouth drops. "No way! I am not doing this. This is a joke right? 'Opposites Attract' is our experiment?" She starts rambling and we laugh as we realize we are on the same page for once.

  "Not only that, but it's us who has to date for a month. It says that I have to ask your stupid b***h a*s out in a public area and no one can know about our experiment." I add as i read the slip even more. I guess I just figured out how to stay by her side for the next month, but I am not happy about this and by the look on her face, neither is she.

    She flips her hair and sighs. "Fine then at lunch time you can ask me out properly. Don't embarrass me or I really will kill you miracle boy. And we might as well exchange numbers now so I can text you if I need to." I laugh and swap phones with her.

    The next three classes go by slowly and i start thinking about just going home. All the whispers and stares are the center of my classes and I can't stand it. Plus I have to sit next to Eric in two of them which used to be the best thing ever and is now just torture.

    Eric and I have been best friends since middle school where we started baseball together on a team full of older kids. We've been the team captains since the ninth grade and have been inseparable. Well until last month. Eric started to act differently and when i found out he was doing drugs I tried to talk him out of it. He would be kicked off the team and I didn't want to lose him. He told me to f**k off and that he didn't want to hang with a gay f****t a*s like me. I thought he was joking until he spread rumors of it around the school. Which then got people talking and messing with me. No one on the team wanted me anymore.

    I started getting beat up everyday and Eric did nothing. Instead he told me everyone would be better off if I was dead. I decided he couldn't be more right and swallowed four bottles of different sleeping pills i found in our house. Now he's acting like he never did anything and I'm sick of it.

    Now the whole thing with Zie I just don't get. I can't see why she needs protection of all people. I'll just have to keep an eye out for the cause of me having to protect her and solve it fast. Lunch time comes and Eric jumps in front of me.

    "Hey man! Come it with us. We've all missed you."

  "Don't even start Eric. First I'm your best friend. Then I'm a gay a*s f****t and now I'm your best friend again? Your messed up."

  "Dude, it was a joke. You know that don't you?" A crowd of our peers have gathered as I clench my fist.

  "Was you telling me everyone would be better off without me a joke as well. If it was you're really bad at jokes." His mouth drops open as I walk off to find Zie and get this assignment started.

    I walk up to her group who all smirk at me and look at Zie waiting for her usual smart a*s comment. She looks over at me and smiles.

  "What up loser"

  "Nothing much." I clear my throat and raise my voice. "I was just wondering if you would want to go out with me. You know b***h and lozer together type of thang." Her group bursts out laughing catching the attention of many kids.

  "Yea I would love to go out with you. Why don't you join us?"  Her friends look at her to make sure this is a joke, but she glares at them before sliding over so I can sit next to her. "Ace, you know Jules, Sam, Annie, Malissa, and Karry. Girls, you are to treat Ace with respect. Like it or not he is one of us now."

    I sit there feeling very uncomfortable with everyone looking at me, but change my attitude to a smug one. I cross my arms and smirk at the girls who smile and shake their heads at us. They start giggling and whispering and soon add me in to all the gossip that they are discussing.

    "Hey Ace, you are coming with us to our after school shopping trip right? All of our boyfriends come and you just have to be there." Malissa, who is Zie's closest friend asks.

  I look over at Zie who nods her head and laugh. "Of course. I wouldn't miss being with Zie for a minute." Zie rolls her eyes and slaps my arm as the girls giggle. Maybe this won't be that bad. I mean, they aren't half bad when they aren't making my life hell and it's not like I have anything better to do lately.

    As we are leaving the lunchroom to head to our next class Eric and the rest of the team walk towards us and stop us from leaving. They look at me in disbelief and I just laugh. Zie grabs my hand and I wrap my arm around her waist. The other girls boyfriends have joined them and we all shove past the guys to leave.

  "Hey Zie, when did this happen?" Alex, Malissa's boyfriend asks pointing in between us. Scott, Andy, Marc, and Devin all look over for the answer.

    "Today at lunch. We've been talking for awhile about it, but when he left I thought that was it." Zie says sweetly and I roll my eyes.

  "I don't believe that this is real. You guys haven't kissed." Scott adds in. I curse under my breath and glare at Scott. The guys are right though. Zie has always been all over any guy she dates. And they always kiss to make it official. It's like a law in their group. I put on a goofy grin and smile at the guys.

  "You want to see us kiss? Is that it? Fine then, just try to not get turned on too much." I remark and the guys cross their arms and laugh. I turn to Zie and lean down to kiss her. I'm about a foot taller than her and she has to stand on her tippy toes to reach me. I press her against the lockers as her hands go in my hair and I lower mine to her lower back. She pulls away out of breath as the tardy bell rings. The guys slap me on the back, welcoming me to their group as they walk off to get to class. Malissa stays with us since we all have this hour together. Zie looks up at me with laughter in her eyes as she kisses me one more time.

  "Damn... I have to say I thought this was a joke as well, but no guy has ever kissed her like that. Zie, maybe you finally  found Mr. Right." I just look at Zie in shock and feeling stupid. I just hope I hadn't gone over board. She smiles shyly and shrugs.

  "Maybe..." She whispers as she takes my hand. We hurry to class knowing we are in so much trouble. Everyone looks up as we walk in and stares at Zie's and my hands. Mr. Ford barks at us to take our seats and I pull out Zie's chair for her without thinking. She giggles and sits down as I sit to her right and Malissa sits on my right.

    I sit there trying to figure out why I had kissed her like that. A simple kiss would have done, but instead I went for a full on makeout session. It was just to get the guys off my a*s. That's the only reason. It's a class project and I'm doing it right. I tell myself as Zie passes me a note.

    wat happened bac there?  

    no clue i didn't want our cover blown

    oh...well u had me convinced & they believe it

    sry if i was overboard

    nah u were good :)


    


    "Hey, are you ready yet slow poke?" Zie is at my front door with Malissa and Alex ready to pick me up for school. Zie and I have been dating for a week and I've become good friends with Alex. I still have no clue about what I'm protecting Zie from, but she's safe so far, so I'm doing my job right I guess.          

    "Nope." I joke as I pull her in kissing her deeply. "Now I am." Alex laughs and slaps my back in greeting. I give Malissa a hug before turning back to Zie. "Are we still doing the double date tonight?"                          

     "Yup, but you're going to come over to my house after school and  then we will pick them up an hour later. Now come on, before we're late." I roll my eyes and kiss her forehead before opening the door for her so we can get to her car.                 

    School has changed for me. Well both of us really, but especially me. Everyone has accepted the fact that we are together and staying that way, but I have noticed just how many people hate me. All the guys from the team and many more. Plus I have a whole new group of friends and find myself confiding and goofing around with Alex a lot. Zie and Malissa find it adorable that we are best friends since they are.             

    When we get in school we still have thirty minutes before class, so we head out to the garden area. Alex jumps on my back tackling me to the ground as we reach the tree we have all claimed. I easily roll over and punch his arm laughing. The girls grumble about boys being so immature. I grin at Alex as we sit down next to the girls pulling them to us. Zie curls into me as I wrap my arms around  her waist.            

    "We may be immature, but you like it." I comment making Alex laugh and Zie look up at me. I kiss her and let it deepen as she re positions so that she can reach me easier. I run my hand through her curly hair and sigh.          

     "Jeez man, I remember when you two were mortal enemies and now your... well this." Alex gestures towards us and I shrug.                

    "People change. I know I have. Though you're right. If you would have told me last month, I would have honestly laughed my a*s off." Zie tries to pull away, but I hold her closer and look at her. "Now I know that there is a reason for me still being alive and it's you Zie." Tears well up in her eyes as she hugs me.

    "Aww... Alex, why don't you ever say stuff like that?" Malissa jokes as Alex gives me a proud look. I just hold Zie to me and kiss her tears.          

    "Cause, I'm not Ace. They are AZ and cute as f**k. I just do other things." Alex gets a mischievous look on his face as Malissa rolls her eyes and leans against him. The first bell rings and we all get up. I pull Zie to the side and have her look at me, but she won't.           

    "Zie, what's wrong?" She glares at me and I just stare back feeling confused.           

    "You're messing with my feelings Ace."          

    "Huh? What do you mean?"           

    "Was this just so our cover doesn't get blown as well? Or was this just some type of line coming out of your a*s?" I shake my head and sigh in frustration.           

    "No Zie, this was neither. I meant what I said out there. I've never meant anything more. I didn't expect that when we started this damn project that I would actually start to care for you and want to be with you. I didn't think it was possible Zie, but it is. If this isn't what you want I'm sorry. I can't stop my feelings for you, and I'm not even going to try unless you tell me differently."

    Zie stares at me in shock and I step back to try to cool off and figure out where that came from. Zie puts a hand on my shoulder and I look down at her.      

    "I'm sorry Ace... I thought you were just playing me like all the other guys have. I'm really sorry. I didn't expect this either, but I like it. It's nice and I like being with you. Please forgive me?" I pull her into me and kiss her.          

    "Your fine Zie. I understand. Can we agree that this isn't part of an assignment and that we are really together because we want to be?" She nods and kisses me  again before  pulling me towards Chemistry which we are very late for.           

    Mrs. Bennett glares at us as we walk in and take our seats. Zie leans on my shoulder as the teacher continues and the class watches us. We are still the main attraction at school and I have heard rumors that some kids are going to try to split us up, but I couldn't care less what anyone says or does. I know that for at least the month she's mine, if not longer. I kiss the top of her head just as Mrs. Bennett looks back at us and curse under my breath. Zie looks up at me confused and I point at Bennett. She sighs and lets out a giggle.              

    "Mr. Night, I see you have volunteered to come up front and finish the equation." I groan and Zie gives me a look of symphony before giving me a playful shove.          

    "I honestly didn't and don't know how to do the dang equation because I came in late since we were working on our project." I say as I lean back in the chair. Zie rolls her eyes at me and I smile.           

     "Then you can go to the office for the rest of the hour for PDA." I look up to see if she is serious and shrug. Zie kisses my cheek and looks over at Bennett.

    "Looks like I have to go too now." We both stand up and head out the door.           

    "You didn't have to do that Zie." I take her hand and she just laughs.          

    "I know silly, I wanted to. You would've done it for me, and you kind of did. Plus, I hate her." I just throw up my hand and laugh. We reach the office and the secretary looks up at us.               

    "May I help you two?"          

    "We were told to stay down here for the rest of the hour. So not really." Zie says sarcastically and I chuckle. We sit down in some chairs and Zie goes back to laying her head on my shoulder as I lean back.           

     Class ends shortly after and I walk her to her second hour before heading to mine. Alex and Eric are in this one and Alex has saved a seat for me. unfortunately it's between him and Eric, but I sit down anyways. Alex starts congratulating me on getting kicked out of class and I just laugh at him.       

    "You're an idiot if you think he's really your friend." Eric says and we both look over. "Alex is only being nice because you're dating his girlfriends best friend."            

    "Alex is my best friend, and even if he weren't it's none of your business. He's better than you, that's for sure. He doesn't tell me to go kill myself." Alex nudges my shoulder in question and I nod my head. He gets really angry fast.            

    "No one cares about that anymore, why do you? You're just a wanna be who is dating Zie for attention, just like he dates Malissa for sex." Eric adds and Alex jumps up. I know that he and Malissa haven't had sex yet and that he loves her. I tug his shoulder and he holds himself back.            

    "Shut up Eric, you don't know what you're talking about. You're pathetic if you think some little kid lies are going to get to us." Mr. Allegretto walks in and we sit down. The teacher starts talking about some new equation we need to memorize as Alex nudges me.           

    "I'm going to beat that punks a*s. No one talks about Malissa and Zie like that." I nod my head in agreement. I start to wonder if Eric is the threat I need to worry about, but shrug it off as class ends. Alex and I meet up with Zie and Malissa to walk them to class and are both quiet.             

    "What's wrong you guys?" Malissa asks. Alex and I glance at each other and shake our heads.           

    "Nothing. Just some punk thinking he's better than us." Alex says gently.  Zie looks up at me and I nod in agreement.               

    "Don't get in a fight Ace. I don't want you suspended." I kiss her and nod.          

    "Don't worry about it princess. I'm not fighting unless someone says something bad about you. see you later." She rolls her eyes and we all split off. Alex and I meet back up for fourth hour, which Eric is also in. We sit in front of him this time to try and avoid problems, but of course nothing works when someone is determined to piss you off.       

    "So I heard you've knocked Malissa up, but she's getting rid of the kid because she doesn't like you like that." Eric whispers leaning forward. Alex tenses and I place a hand on his arm. Ms. Hodge continues on with her lesson as we all pretend to listen.

    "So are you going to knock up Zie and leave too, or is she almost done with you?" I turn slightly and glare at him.

     "Shut up Eric. Just because you aren't happy with life, doesn't mean you need to start s**t." I whisper angrily. Eric smirks knowing that he got under my skin.          

    "You only want me to shut up because it's true. Poor guy, Zie is already a s**t, and now you've made it official. She was better off without you around." I slam my fist on his desk, drawing the attention of those around us. Alex pulls me back this time, but I know that one of us is going to throw a punch soon. It's only a matter of time. My hand is still balled in a fist as I turn back around and look at Alex. He shakes his head, pissed off as Eric leans forward again.           

    "You two are pathetic. You realize that right? You make two s***s even bigger s***s. Do you think Zie or Malissa would let me tap them?" I jump up, shoving my hair backwards as everyone looks over at me. Alex stands up too and I raise my hand to punch Eric. Alex grabs my arm and pulls me away.            

    "You heard Zie. She doesn't want you fighting. Let's just leave okay? We'll get him later." I nod my head and let Alex lead me out of the room. We head to the girls class and stand outside the room. "Lunch is next, I'm punching him in the face I swear. On a different matter though, what's up with you and Zie?"           

    I give him a weird look. "Nothing, why?"      

    "Do you love her?" I lean against the locker behind me and look at him.          

    "You know, I think I do... I've never been in love, but I've never gotten defensive like that before. Normally I laugh it off, but I really care for Zie." Alex grins and pokes my side.             

    "Okay, tell me this then. Would you put a ring on her?" I think about it and nod.          

    "Yea, I would. I'm in love with Zie..." Alex  grins and laughs his head off.           

     "Yea man, you've fallen hard. Just like me. I'm going ring shopping next week, you should join me."           

     "I think I'll take you up on that offer. Thanks man for getting me out of there. I don't want to screw up with Zie." He slides to the ground and I join him as we sit and talk about the girls for the next fifteen minutes. The girls are the first out and look at us in amusement.          

    "Why are you out here? We could hear you two laughing in there." Malissa says as we join them.          

    "Uh... We had to get out of class. That's all." I tell them and Alex agrees. Zie kisses me and we head to the lunch room. Eric is walking up as we are and smirks at us. I tense up and Alex removes himself from Malissa as our other friends join us. I touch his arm and he looks at me.      

    "Is it worth it man? I hate him just as much, but we'll get suspended." Alex looks conflicted, but sighs. We continue walking.          

    "S***s." Eric mutters as we pass. I turn and punch him, making him fall backwards. Alex laughs and slaps my back before leading me forward.          

    "What the hell Ace? What was that about?" Zie asks me as we reach our table.          

    "He was talking s**t last hour and I just barely got out of there without beating the s**t out of him. I wasn't going to stand by and let him talk s**t about you Zie." She looks at me in surprise and nods her head. I pull her to me as we sit down and she curls into my chest. Alex catches my eye and makes an L with his hand. I roll my eyes and look at Zie.      


      


    Zie and I drop off Alex and Malissa before heading to her house. "Just so you know, we have to pick up my five year old brother first. My dad is never home and my mom died when I was little. I'm the only one who can really take care of him..."         

     "That's nice of you to take care of him. I've always wanted a sibling. Does he have a babysitter or something for tonight?" Zie looks at me in horror as we pull into the elementary school parking lot.     

    "S**t, no... I forgot about him. I'll have to call it off." We head into the building and a cute little boy runs up and hugs Zie.        

    "Sissy!" He shouts. "Who's he?"     

    "Max, manners. This is Ace, my boyfriend." I laugh at the little boys look of disgust and hug Zie.     

    "Hey little man. How was school?" I ask nicely getting down to his level. He grins and starts chatting away as we walk out to the car. "Zie, we don't need to cancel tonight. We'll just take him with us."     

    "Where are we going sissy?" Zie slaps my arm and sighs.     "He's a handful Ace, and extremely hyper. I don't think it's a good idea..." I grab her hand and squeeze it.     

    "I will take full responsibility of him tonight. I'll even pay for his meal okay?" She giggles and nods her head as we reach a nice white house... Or at least one that would have been if there wasn't a dead animal lying on the front step with its neck slit and what looks like words written in blood on the door. I glance a Zie who is shaking and shake my head. Now I know what I am here for and I am starting to wish it was just Eric being a dick.       

    "Get Max in the house, I'll clean this up princess." She has tears in her eyes as she picks Max up and hurries him in. I find a plastic bag and pick the animal up with it, throwing it away. Her hose is attached to the house and I drag it around to spray the steps and door with. The words say 'you're next' and I can't help but think of what they mean. When I finish I walk inside where I find Zie on the couch crying.     

    I pull her onto my lap and rub her back as she cries. "I don't know what I've done. They started showing up last month, but that's the worse yet. I'm scared Ace."      

    "Zie, I am not leaving your side until I figure out who is doing this. Come live with me. You and Max both." She shakes her head.      

    "I can't. My dad would freak if he found out."      

    "Then we'll take turns at each others houses. I'll stay here this week and then you come to my house next week. Please Zie, I can't protect you two if I'm not here." She kisses me before giving in and agreeing. "Do you want to cancel the date now? I understand if you do."     

    "No, Malissa doesn't even know about this. I need to get out of here anyways. If we are going though, I need to get ready. You get to get Max ready." I give her another kiss before letting her up and heading down the hall to where I hear Max jumping around. I go into the room and he looks up.      

    "Hey, if you want to go with us we need to get you ready."      

    "Are you like her other friends and going to ignore me?" He asks shyly.     

    "No. In fact we are going to spend a lot of time together seeming that we will be living together." I hand him his coat and help him zip it before moving onto his shoes.     

    "Do you love sissy? I know I do." I laugh and nod my head.      

    "Yea, I do. She means alot to me, and that means so do you."       

    "Can we play a game right now?" He grabs a controller and hands it to me. I set it down.     

    "No, we need to get into the living room so sissy see's we are ready to go before her."     

    "Okay. Why are we living together?" He asks as we sit on the couch.     

    "Because I plan on spending forever with Zie." He smiles and gives me a hug as Zie walks out. She looks at me in shock and I shrug my shoulder. "Hey beautiful, you ready?"     

    She wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me tightly.  

    "Yea, we still have a bit before we need to pick them up so let's go to your house and pick some things up for you." Max squeezes in between us and I smile as he says "Let's go!"      

    I help him into his seat and Zie shakes her head. "He has  never liked anyone I brought home. It's the biggest reason why things don't work out between me and the others." I kiss her forehead.     

    "I'm not the others Zie. I actually care. I love you." She's quiet for a moment as I open the car door and get in the car. She drives to my house in silence and I curse under my breath.      

    "I'm sorry Zie, I shouldn't have said that..." I trail off and she grabs my hand.     

    "No, you're fine... I just wasn't expecting it. With you I don't want to say it unless I mean it. I was thinking about it and that's why I was so silent. You ARE different from the others and that's why I won't throw those words around without meaning it with you." I smile and nod my head. I lead them into my house where my mom and dad are just having dinner.

    "Nice of you to show up Ace... Who are they?" Dad growls. I scratch my head and look at Mom.     

    "Well, that's one of the friends who pick him up in the morning. I don't know about the kid. You better not have knocked that girl up and never said anything." I see Zie blush and groan.      

    "I'm Max and I'm five." Max says. "This is my sissy Zie and she's his girlfriend." I laugh and ruffle his hair as Zie runs a hand through her hair nervously. I take her hand and kiss it before holding it.      

    "Mom, Dad, I told you about me dating Zie. Now stop embarrassing her. Come on you guys, my room is in the basement." I hurry them around the corner and down the stairs. I tell Zie to have a seat on the bed as I grab my duffle bag and start  shoving clothes in it. I also grab a smaller bag and put bathroom items in it. Max starts getting into everything and I laugh as he looks at my hat collection.     

    "Can I have one Ace?" He asks. I put my bags near the door and join him.     

    "Yea, which one do you like?" He picks my favorite black and blue one and I laugh. "Here you go squirt." I tighten it so it fits his head and grab the sparkly black one off the hook. My dad had given me this one as a joke one year saying to give it to someone I plan to marry one day. I place it on Zie's head and kiss her.      

    "Thank you Ace. You ready to go?"     

    "Yea. Come on Max." My Mom stops us as we start for the door.     

    "Where do you think you're going mister?"  Dad looks at the hat on Zie's head and sighs.     

    "I'm going on a date with Zie and some friends and then I'm going to sleep over at her house for the week." Mom glares at me.      

     "You are NOT spending a week at that girl's house. A month ago you couldn't stand her and now you are sleeping at her house. I will not stand for this in my house." I look over at Dad for help and he looks away.      

    "I'm not asking for permission. I'm eighteen in two months.  I'll leave for good if you want but you aren't changing my mind."      

    "One week." She turns away and I wave bye to Dad.     

    "I am sorry Zie... I wish you hadn't seen that." I apologize as we get in the car. She laughs and squeezes my hand.     

    "It's fine Ace, thank you."




© 2016 Cecile Wonder


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Reviews

Can't wait to read more of this story. It is well done. Great work.

Posted 8 Years Ago


THis has the makings of a good book. Your observations are precise and you hold the readers attention. Keep going.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Cecile Wonder

8 Years Ago

Thank you very much. I hope to have more up soon.
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Where is the rest!?!? You have my attention, don't leave me hanging!

Seriously, I think you have a great premise. I'm interested to learn more about your characters, and how these events will unfold.

A lot of your descriptions are great, really connecting the reader to how your character feels.
Though you could change up how you phrase some of your sentences. Sometimes your flow gets disrupted when you try to add things on to a sentence rather than incorporating them.

Also, flesh out your backstory. Right now this is a good start, but your readers need more detail.
Who is this boy? What is their environment like? Why do he and Zie have this rivalry? Why does Zie need protecting? Why did this boy try to kill himself?
You don't need to give it all away right off the bat, but you have to keep your readers interested and not confused or frustrated.

Perhaps you could foreshadow what's to come by God giving the boy some kind of timeline or reason for protecting Zie, having the boy question a bit. It makes things more interesting to your readers when it doesn't feel like your protagonist can be led around with a leash.
And even more interaction with the people at school can give you the opportunity to open up a lot more. For instance, how long has he known Zie? Were they ever friends? Is she an enemy or a nemesis? And Eric, what is the history there? Why does the boy say 'a guy I THOUGHT was my friend', what happened to so firmly change his mind? Also, what kind of team is it that he mentions to Eric?

There are many ways you can expand these chapters to give your readers the insight they need. As I said, you have a great start and an awesome idea here, it just needs some developing.
I hope you keep this book up! I want to read more!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Cecile Wonder

8 Years Ago

No worries more is to come. And I will make sure to keep your advice in mind. Thank you.

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Added on October 20, 2015
Last Updated on March 16, 2016


Author

Cecile Wonder
Cecile Wonder

Bellevue, MI



About
I love reading writing and music. My life practically revolves around these three things. I love to meet new people and to read others writing. I'm all for criticism, for it makes me a better writer. .. more..

Writing
Preface Preface

A Chapter by Cecile Wonder


Chapter Two Chapter Two

A Chapter by Cecile Wonder