Planted Hope In Your Garden

"What can I say I'm your ordinary hopeless romantic."

A quite ch-ch-chilling thought emerged today.

               She’s better off dead!

                          

                               It rose slowly from the bottom of the glass from which I drank.

She’s better off dead!

 

 It settled there, thawing, lingering.

          She's better off dead!

          And as it thawed and lingered a shudder spread sedulously throughout my body.

             She’s better off dead!

 

 The vague taste of insanity gathered at the tip of my tongue.

                                              She’s better off dead!

 

 

                                                 Who’d I been previous to this ordeal?

                      She's better off dead!

 

I recall an ordinary fellow.  

                         She's better off dead!

 

Wake up, go to work, go to sleep, and wake up again, a linear equation at best. I had lived my life quite monotonously.

                 She's better off dead!

                   Until my beautiful beacon of iris came.

                      She's better off dead!

 

 Mary Alice was her name. She removed the curtains from my life and let the sunshine in.

                             She's better off dead!

 

How warm the sun was as it kissed my olive skin. Was it such a sin to indulge in her presence?

     She's better off dead!

 

 Nostalgia began to ache in my bones.

               She's better off dead!

 

                    Those flowers, they’re still there at the very foot of my door.

 

She's better off dead!

      Those stupid flowers are still at the very foot of my door.

         She's better off dead!

                     Funny, they’re sweet scent is nothing but a bitter, cloying aroma now.

             

  She's better off dead!

             

                  Bile collected at the back of my throat as I inhaled that very scent.

                                       She's better off dead!

Mary rejected…rejected me! Mary, she promised me!

  

                                    

       She’s better off dead!

A bitter lie! 

 

She’s better off dead!

 

She deserves those revolting flowers over her head!

           She’s better off dead!

~~

 

Author's Note

I've just recently been fascinated with horror, it's still being edited but I've had fun writing this piece so I couldn't wait to get some criticism.

Reviews

[Bear]

Gripping story, filled with intrigue and an eerie feeling that haunts you till the very end. I'm not sure of the sentence structure though, to me it takes away from the power of the story with the slow pace, but that is just my thought. I will say this, it stays on your mind after you have read it and makes you think and I love when anything literature can do that for me :~)

[MFrano1]

I love how when you first start you're confused. Who's speaking, who is the SHE they're refering to, and why is she better off dead? Then it tells you the whole story along the next few lines and you slowly become chilled to the bone... and then, you reach the end. It's devastating, the effect it had on me. I was terrified, to say the least. That last line is the best, and in an odd turn of events, it somehow catches you off guard. I think its the way you wrote it so that the words slowly got bigger, and at the end became all captials, as if he was slowly becoming surer and surer of her fate. Very good touch there.

[xansizi]

Chilling! I love the fractured writing line someone struggling to control their thoughts and forcing it back to the justification of their actions-i haven't done anything that bad because she's better off dead

[Tom McRoberts]

Wonderful use of form here, Speak. You've implemented style to great effect, emulating mounting pressure spectacularly. I'd advise working on the 'main' (stuff other than 'she's better off dead') bulk of the text a little more though, some instances come across a little soap opera-esque as it stands. Great write altogether, keep it up!