Chapter Three

 

   

 

Deleted while I work on it.

Thanks for stopping by.        

Author's Note

Let me know whether or not you feel this chapter was worth reading for, and anything you think is missing in terms of explanations - I didn't want to explain everything because that'd be boring, but enough to satisfy.
Obviously, something went kind of wrong here, as it warped into a Handmaid's Tale-esque story. I'm thinking about writing some alternative endings...should I bother, or is it all pure crap anyway?
Critique it harshly. Thanks.

Reviews

[mick weller]

`This opportunity to find out things about the outside world is too good to miss.` - this jumps out a bit..?
- is there an `outside world` yet?
okay - you've brought this on a lot here - now I'm more with `28 Days Later` kind of scenario... very much more emphasis on future survival now... and I feel `the tribe` is making sense
did I miss something - does she know she's going to be taken away by truck - 'maybe lose the last two sentences?
very well written, although Hayley becomes slightly less credible I think towards the end of this..?
nice one

[L.V. Ana]

Hm. I'd try to rewrite some of the boy's dialogue...I can't name any specific places but it doesn't sound...real enough. Or maybe it's not his dialogue so much as the interaction. But other than that, it works. It makes a lot of sense...it's what the story seems to have been leading up to, and it ties off the loose ends. Perhaps it's just me...but it feels like there could be more to the story (as in, this being just the beginning), but even if you don't add anything onto the end to make the story longer, this works as a full piece. It has everything...beginning, buildup, climax, conclusion that explains everything. This was really good; I'm glad I had a chance to read it. And no, it's definitely not pure crap.