Dominatrix

my muse is a dominatrix
it's true
a sugar-thorned flower BLACK
with pistil-whipping eyes that undress me
regress me
till all i can do is suckle the leather bound teats that
inspire and nourish
and with a flourish of whip-sharp wit she bites me
rewrites me
excites me with pain
my plain jane keeper of chains
the train of her gown is my funeral shroud
'cause breath without her eloquence
her straight-edged razor elegance
is flatlined-discorpeal consonants and in that sense
i'm already dead.
~so it's a good thing she's a necrophiliac
she's my /sadistic/ savior
my "christ-with-a-c**t"
with candy-striper canings that are raining down redemptional
blows
and i owe her everything
my life
my art
this submissive heart
this unfulfilled part
MAY I NEVER BE COMPLETE!
but grant me taste of the virgin's monthly blood
MAY I NEVER BE CONTENT!
but promise me placement at persephone's feet
MAY I NEVER KNOW LOVE!
but bed me in sunsets finger painted by GOD
MAY I NEVER ACHIEVE MY DREAMS!
but let me your poet
at least let me be that...
surrendered in your sugar-thorned arms of pain
and acceptance

Reviews

[Inmate 72866]

I was afraid by the title that I was going to be serenaded by that same pornographic s**t from that woman who wrote "You f*****g tease." I'm happy to instead find a very literate and thoughtful piece about creativity and our inability to control it. I feel the same way. Right now I am hot to trot, but I always fear the day when the drought hits. This is beautiful friend, truly and I don't use that word lightly (at least I don't think I do). Anyway The pleas in caps are so poignant. This was very moving.

[Victrola Belle]

I love a dominatrix character..this bring her to life through the eyes of her slave pretty darn well.....i like christ with a c**t....the internal rhyme , lower case i

the only thing that stopped me was

MAY I NEVER ACHIEVE MY DREAMS!
but let me be your poet
let me at least be that...


not right or wrong..its your vision--- but i wanted to read......

MAY I NEVER ACHIEVE MY DREAMS!
but let me be your poet,
at least.


.....to continue the EE and make it succinct .


and she could never be a 'plain jane'...pain jane, maybe lol....but thats just me...:)

a decadent read! (clapping)

[Gandré]

...a wicked little fairy tale with a good end and a vicarious behind the scenes excursion into the bdsm world.

[Adam McWhorter]

Holy f**k. LOL. I couldn't think of anything else. It's sick. It's erotic. Offensive. Dirty. Love it, dude! I highlighted this part first off -

"a sugar-thorned flower BLACK
with pistil-whipping eyes that undress me"

Thought that was very clever, then I found -

"regress me
till all i can do is suckle the leather bound teats that
inspire and nourish
and with a flourish of whip-sharp wit she bites me"

I mean, damn... each line gets better and better. It's kink. It's dark. And so very, very... umm, wet.

I personally like the moments of offensivness. It's wonderful. But, for the sake of reviewing I gotta say that -

"she's my /sadistic/ savior
my "christ-with-a-c**t"

may scare some people off. It was wise to put that further into the poem. But it still may distract some from the sexual shocker of this piece. They'll get stuck on the Christ / C**t issue. I say that because I have a poem where I say "Did Jesus ever masterbate?", and although on here I didn't get any negative feedback for it, It has been torn to shreds in the past. But then again, anyone who would be offended by your line shouldn't be reading this in the first place. LOL.

So, let's stick with "Good job". ;-)

Adam

[David P. Eckert]

Wow! What a wonderful ride of a poem, and muse as dominatrix, while the writer begs for more pain, the source of every gain. This is a wonderful write. We are prisoners of our muse.

till all i can do is suckle the leather bound teats that
inspire and nourish
and with a flourish of whip-sharp wit she bites me
rewrites me

[Jonathan Standifird]

You are f-ing phenomenal. I can't believe the way you write sometimes, boy. Like a damned steam engine through loathing and doubt. You rhyme alot and instead of hating it I LOVE it. You use tons of alliteration and instead of being annoyed as I would be with others, I adore you. You accomplish where others fail, using the many tools of poetry with great effectiveness. Your rhythm is impecable. I read this out loud to myself as if I were performing it for an audience and it gave me chills. Much love brother man.

'cause breath without her eloquence
her straight-edged razor elegance
is flatlined-discorpeal consonants and in that sense
i'm already dead.
so it's a good thing she's a necrophiliac
she's my /sadistic/ savior
my "christ-with-a-c**t"

Brutal and sweet baby. Love that "'christ-with-a-c**t'" Huh! : )

You may want to correct your forth to last line. "but let me your poet" Missing a "be?" Also, maybe switch the wording in the third to last to "let me at least be that..." It might flow better. I found when reading it aloud it made the end punch better for me. And looking down farther I can see that Jessica has already suggested that. Well that's twice then.

[Jessica Standifird]

I agree with Scott, this is beautiful. How do you do that?

"my plain jane keeper of chains"

I love this. First off, it doesn't annoy me. : ) Second, you've captured a large idea in six words. I was afraid when I first started reading it, too, but you quickly won me over. You've done this well, a lot of people try, you succeeded.

I only have one suggestion upon first read:

but let me your poet (but let me be your poet)
at least let me be that... (let me at least be that....)

The first line is just a typo, but the second one tripped me up after a great read up until that point. This is awesome. I like the idea of God finger-painting sunsets, too. Then again, I'm a sucker for sunsets. : )