A Spiritual Ride

A Spiritual Ride

A Story by Mr Alednac
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A life changing ride in a subway train filled with lots of comedy!

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A Spiritual Ride By Me (RC)

by Ruben Z Candela on Tuesday, June 21, 2011 at 11:05pm

 In a New York subway, anything can happen.  And all the things that does happen down here, isn’t out of the ordinary, there’s always people here fighting and yelling words that contain four letters and other vulgar insults that involve mothers and their mother’s mother and their mother’s mother’s mother!  There’s always an “up yours buddy” or “make me you jerk!” and even a “Oh hell nah you need Jesus in your life!” basically every single dirty word or mocking phrase that has been released upon on the earth started here in this place, that’s how bad it is.  Yep, the regulars who use the subways like me have pretty much heard everything, although once in a while I will hear something new but it’s rare.  Oh just right now I just heard some black lady call someone a JAMF, me being so curious I went to my cell phone and searched JAMF and found out that it stood for Jive A*s Motha fuuu-- fudge my train just left!!!! Well isn’t that just my luck, I was so busy looking up what the word JAMF stood for I missed my train.   Oh well that gives me an excuse to describe more about this subway.  Well a subway is am underground society in it by itself, just like in a high school you have your “cliques” or groups all around here, there’s the elderly people who go, the punks, the nazi punks, metal heads, gothic people, emo children, new wave kids, techno junkies, hip hop kids who rock adidas, bloods, crips, and other gang members that look like they came straight out of the movie The Warriors, business men, business women, hobos, kids playing hooky, peoples of all races and ethnicities as well too, yup I like to consider this whole place just one big caste system here. 

Of course there was graffiti everywhere; I mean what kind of a subway would it be if there weren’t graffiti? I mean come on?!?! Well any who, yeah there’s graffiti and hobos sleeping in here as well.  Now to enter and use the subway you have to pay the toll, you have to insert the coin in the coin slot and the bar will let you go on through, Almost 98.8 % of the people who use the subway, never pay the toll.  They jump over the bar.  Even the obese people would jump over the toll, even if they struggled getting over they still jumped it or attempted at least.  Every once in a while one of them would get stuck, it wasn’t a pretty sight when one would get stuck the fire department and paramedics would have to go into action when someone would get stuck there.  I’ve never seen it personally myself when it has happened but I have heard stories a lot of outrageous stories.  People here would tell me that the fire fighters would have to get the jaws of life to release someone once in a while, I also heard that they had to amputate some fat guy’s leg off because his leg was so big and really stuck in there pretty good and he couldn’t get lose, even after greasing his leg off!  A lot of these stories sound fabricated so I don’t believe any of them but like I said earlier, anything can happen in a New York subway.  The obese people started getting really tired of it so not too long ago a group of obese people TRIED to file a lawsuit to the subways of New York.  Their argument was that the subways were discriminating against obese people by specifically designing the tolls so that big “generous” people would struggle to jump over it and would be forced to pay.  Ah the other train is here swell! 

  Well I thought I was an expert on the culture of a subway, I thought I’ve seen everything but as soon as I entered this train I saw something that I’ve never seen in a subway.  I entered the train and saw the familiar type of people that ride the trains, this train smelled like any other train which isn’t the most pleasant of smells but you get used to it.  Nothing really out of the ordinary, but then that’s when I noticed something different, I saw a monk in a subway train.  Yes really a monk! He had a bald head and those orange robes that I’ve seen other monks wear on TV, this monk was also tall and he wasn’t as skinny like all the other monks from TV.  I looked around to find a place to sit down, all the seats were taken and I didn’t really want to stand.  I looked at the monk again, he saw me and smiled, there was an empty seat next to him but I didn’t want to sit next to him because I’ve never seen a monk here in the subway so that really threw off my comfort zone.  I looked around to find a seat but I couldn’t find any more seats, I looked at the monk again he looked back and smiled and he also patted the empty seat next to him.  Well I don’t have any other choice so I might as well sit down next to him.  I walked over and sat down next to the monk he greeted me with a hello.  “Hi?” I replied, it was pretty awkward, well I felt awkward I don’t know about him, I wonder how he feels about this I suppose nothing because monks don’t feel, right?  Right across from me I saw the African American woman who called someone a JAMF, she reminds me of Big Momma, you know Big Momma! From Big Momma’s House?  Anyways she wasn’t as big and as old, she was more like her mid 40’s and next to her I saw a Mexican American woman, she looked to be around her late 30’s or 40’s.  She kind of reminded me of that house keeper from the movie The Goonies (It’s amazing to see how many people you can see virtually anywhere and they are able to remind you of a character from a movie, funny huh?)  Only five minutes went by I was already getting uncomfortable with the awkward silence, I thought the monk would start talking to me and trying to convert me and stuff but no he just stood quiet!  I mean what the hell I was expecting him to talk but he wasn’t so now that my expectations weren’t met I’m stuck in an awkward position!  “OK!!! STOP IT WITH THE SILENCE ALREADY!!!!”  Everyone around me looked at me as if I were crazy, I felt like a jackass, you know how in those old cartoons when the cartoon character was embarrassed and the characters head was replaced with a donkey’s head and you heard the whiney of the donkey?  Yeah I felt just like that. 

The African American lady in front of me just shook her head and I heard her say “oh that is so wrong.”  After a couple of minutes more the monk finally spoke to me, “is there something wrong my son?”  “Hey man! I’m not your son! Gah I’m sorry I’m taking my frustration out on you”  “Why so frustrated?”  “I don’t know I mean I walked in seeing you here and this is the first time me seeing a monk in a subway train and I’m not used to seeing monks here, then when I sat down I was waiting for you to try to convert me by talking to me and stuff.”  “hahahahahah that is it? There is nothing to fear about change and new things and as converting that isn’t in my style, people have the power of free choice and I would not force you to convert.”  “Oh, well that’s cool, I mean it’s not like every religious person says that, they just try to convert, but what did you mean by saying that I was afraid of change?”  “Oh that, well you told me that you’ve never seen monks here at the subway and that is why you were hesitant to sit next to me, because you saw something new and different which scared you, which is ok because it is human nature to be afraid of change, so there does that answer your question?”  I sat there stunned, I mean wow this guy understood more about me than I did!  I was suddenly fascinated by this man; I wanted to ask him more questions but the Big Momma lady interrupted me.  “Excuse me sir, I’ve been noticing you and what you and your kind need, you need Jesus in your life.”  The monk stayed quiet for a minute then finally replied, “why madam?”  “WHY?!? Because you and your kind don’t believe in the right God, your Buddha isn’t god and you need to accept Jesus to save your soul, and to do that you need to go to the church 75th street.”  Then out of nowhere the Mexican American woman starts joining in the conversation, “no don’t listen to her, you need to go to the Catholic Church down 85th street!”  “Oh hell to the no, you did not just tell him to go to your church instead of mine?  You worship the wrong God as well, you too need Jesus, Lupe or Maria or whatever you’re called.”  “No me llamo Lupe o Maria, pinche Aunt Jemima.”  The two started arguing between each other even more, it was getting really hostile here, but yet I was entertained by all this I wish I had some popcorn with me though.  The arguing kept going on until the monk finally spoke, “why do you two fight over the same religion?”  The two ladies suddenly got quiet, and asked what?  “You two ladies are part of the same religion, Christianity you’re just in different branches of that religion, at the end of the day you’re still worshiping the same god and believe in Jesus, there is just little differences here and there so there really isn’t a reason to argue who’s religion is better because it’s the same.”  The two ladies sat there stunned and quiet, and then they both looked at each other, and then looked back at the monk.  “You have no right to say that because you worship Buddha!”  “Yeah, what she said!”  Well at least the two ladies weren’t fighting with each other anymore, but now it looked like they were going to beat up the monk!  The monk looked calm and collective and spoke, “Who says us monks and Buddhist worship Buddha?”  “Well, I just assumed…” “Yes you assumed, and when you assume you make an a*s out of you and me, but mostly you.  Buddha is only a teacher to us, not a God.  He was the first person to be enlightened and spiritually awakened, Buddha means “the awakened one” so anyone can be a Buddha, I myself also believe in God, our creator.  But I want to find eternal peace in this life while I’m alive, so I can experience peace here and in heaven, and as a matter of fact Jesus himself was a Buddha as well.”  “Oh hell to the no!!” yelled the black woman you did not just call my lord and savior a Buddha!!!”  “Well think about it, for Jesus to do everything he did and to be as wise as he is, he had to be enlightened, and anyone is enlightened is part of the Buddha hood.”  As I heard the monk talk about all this, I was very interested and all of this made sense to me, I began to feel weird, I don’t know what it is but it felt good.  The two women listened to what the monk had said but they still continued to argue and disagree with each other.  I spoke to the monk, “I thought that was really interesting, and even if you didn’t get through those two ignorant ladies you sure did get through to me.”  The monk smiled and said, “I am glad I got through someone and I’m glad that it was you my son.”  I noticed that my stop was just up ahead, and that my ride would be over, but man what a ride I had today.  “Well my stop is coming up; I better get ready to get off.  But before I go can you give me some last bit of wisdom to help me out whenever I’m having trouble in life?”  “Of course my son, now when trouble times are troubling you, you just have to sit and think and to help you think and reflect upon yourself clearly, ask yourself these riddles, these are Buddhist riddles called Koans, for example here is one, “A broken mirror never reflects again; fallen flowers never go back to the old branches.”” “That makes no sense though!”  “I know it doesn’t but the goal is to think about it and solve on your own!”  “That still doesn’t make sense” “Just think about it and you’ll know what I mean trust me and so long son.”  As he said that the train stopped and the doors opened.  I got up and walked out, I turned around and saw the monk and waved him goodbye, I wonder if I’ll ever see him again. 

I began to walk around the station, and I saw something different about the subway now, I mean I saw all the same plethora of people.  Their appearances looked different like all the metal heads and etc. but even though there appearances looked different, they were all the same somehow.  Huh it’s like there’s no caste system anymore here.  There was a huge crowd though near the pay tolls, I quickly ran to see what was up and I saw a fat guy whose leg is stuck in the toll and a fire fighter with a jaws of life there trying to release him there.  The fire fighter began panicking now, “don’t panic sir don’t panic!!! Oh god the Jaws of Life just broke! Don’t panic I’m going to get another one!!”  The fire fighter took off I walked toward the fat guy and asked him if he was ok?  “What do you mean if I’m ok? My leg is stuck!” “The key to getting un- stuck from that is you got to ask yourself this, does a broken mirror ever reflect again; do fallen flowers ever go back to the old branches?”  I don’t really know why I told him this but I thought it would help.  “That doesn’t even make sense you idiot!”  As he yelled at me his leg was free from the clutches of the toll bars, and stood there shocked and quiet.  Like I said earlier, anything can happen in a New York subway, I got advice from a monk and I finally saw an obese man stuck.  Man what a ride I had today.   

© 2011 Mr Alednac


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Mr Alednac
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Added on June 30, 2011
Last Updated on July 11, 2011
Tags: comedy, obese, fat, guy, black, mexican, buddhism, religion, subway, caste system, socoeity, underground, trains

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Mr Alednac
Mr Alednac

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