The first Bloom

A Chapter by Rayin

The First Bloom

I had never really considered the possibility of finding that special someone,
that person that will stand alongside you through the harshness and bitter
moments as well as those moments that should be shared with others,
they warm your heart and take away the inner bitterness.
Yet the teachers in our sex ed class seems to be pretty darn sure we will all.
Yet even though I listened, I couldn't help but feel like there was no one out there
like that for me.

I am sixteen years of age and as I'm told in the prime time of puberty,
or in my eyes the prime time for everyone to look down on you as a nuisance
honestly I don't know why I bother sometimes.
Everyone says that its a hard job being good and that it takes a tremendous amount of physical and mental effort, and that no matter what never give up otherwise you will fill into a gap alongside all the other adolescent yobs of today
going around causing arson and harming the environment.

To be honest I can't disagree with this, the youth of today are so anti-social to anyone that they may come across. It's amazing to think though, if a issue was to arouse like the Hikkakomori* in Japan I know hands down who would be alone at home all the time, and for a fact it won't be the anti-social ones.
The only issue with fighting back the darkness of anti-socialism is that, they are now the stereotype for teenagers. It's amazing how many adults, middle aged right up to the elderly, are prepared to cross the road, or look afraid just because of you being there as if they're expecting you to explode at any second and kick off.
Honestly I think I would know if I was a walking time bomb, I probably wouldn't
even leave the house and instead sit inside being grumpy, like anyone else and that goes for a lot of adults as well. Another thing I have learned and come to realise is that a lot of adults are quite sexist when it comes to teenagers.

They see male teenagers as more of a hassle and more adolescent than females.
If a group of three females that outside the shop were horrid, cruel and downright
rude but wore sophisticated looking, with their hair tied back skirts and jerseys, little make up on walked in the shopkeeper wouldn't react as bad, but if a group of three male teenagers walked in who outside the shop were calm, polite but wore
baggy joggers, long shirts, maybe some necklaces and a cap slightly angled
the shopkeepers mind would go into hyper drive maybe even get them to come in
two at a time from fear of them shoplifting.

Its prejudice
and appearance means everything in this modern world. It only takes one
thing out of shape, like a oversized piece of jewellery, funny coloured hair
or a bit too much make-up and straight away you will have provoking thoughts
no matter how kind or polite you are to them afterwards the initial thoughts
if readable, would make you want to keel over from disgust.
It's even worse when my appearance looks like tatters, whenever I'm not going to
school I have to wear a tacky long gothic jacket, the sides go down and take rest
just above the knee joint. The colour, a faded black that could almost be mistaken
for a dark grey, the sleeves are tightened by buckles and being of a skinny build
I have to wear a belt that came with the jacket just to keep myself from looking any worse. My hair being naturally greasy and long, as well as naturally black
doesn't help at all.

I was considering all this as I laid my chin into my pale skinned palms
that held my head in the air as I sat uncomfortably in the usual lecture room
of the new term, the seats ran in semi-circles going steadily up the room
like theatre seats but with no screaming kids or groaning pensioner.
and the show was hardly one meant for entertainment, the front was merely a makeup of one table and a large board, with a rather stern looking female
that must be the new form tutor. Slowly I watched her through the wall of hair
that I had allowed to drape over my face, this lasted a few seconds before her eyes
met my eyes, or in her perspective my hair wall and I knew what she was thinking
as her eyes narrowed, regrettably I opened one side of the curtain letting the natural light fall onto my cold skin. Her eyes narrowed even more as she looked around as if she suspected us of being involved in a bomb plot, was what crossed
my mind before she opened her mouth
"SILENCE" she yelled, as the sound boomed around the room the baby boys messing in the corners fell into their seats students once more, she began to pace
the front row again her hair bobbing up and down in the tight bobble that held
her hair together.

Everything about her screamed strict, the way she dressed, a long pale brown
thin fabric jacket. Skinny almost as if she had just come out of a six month
anorexic diet and a tight upper jaw that had obviously been used to yell at students for too long, she was also very old. and wore square glasses that stopped half way down her nose, almost there so she could look down at you even though she was looking up at the time.
"You are the first class I have ever seen to show such utter disrespect to the word
'tidiness' and 'manners' look at how low you wear your ties like there those
medallions you wear outside of school and .. . . . . . ."
her voice slowly became a background noise to my thoughts that took over centre stage as I watched her mouth move up and down...up and down.

In those moments that she flared at us for every reason under the sun I thought of home, and the peaceful life I lived alone in a house of two me and my cat.
A lot of people cannot see how it is even possible to live in such a way with no company at all and still not be suicidally depressed, those people didn't know me I was depressed but wasn't there to show it to everyone. Why admit you're depressed because no one would believe you, this became yet another point that I added to the archive of reasons why modern day society really is fucked up. The fact that for one you can never be left alone to be how you want, there is always someone there to harass you and the other point is that no matter what they say if you are to admit to any of it they wouldn't believe a word.

My thoughts were left and disrupted halfway through my routine of blame and shame when the door slammed shut and there by the front was a black hole,
a mist, a something that just wasn't meant to be in that space, at that time
in this era.
That's where she stood poised and smiling, to anyone else they couldn't help but smile back, but as my eyes trailed across her trying not to think of any sort of prejudice that could give me reason to lay another thousand scratches upon my arm for being hypercritical a few things happened.
Firstly our eyes met and as her face stopped for her to stare at me
the second thing happened,

I couldn't feel her aura.

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