When Venus Gives Her Sign (light romance)

Ballad (in 8/6/8/6 syllable-count, iambic meter, and an abab, cdcd, etc; rhyme-scheme)

When Venus Gives Her Sign

Last eve within the still of night,

of You I dreamt a dream …

we strolled together, hands held tight,

beside a silver stream.

There, on the mossy bank we laid

neath summer’s sil’very moon,

as all around us, fireflies played

to nightingale’s low croon.

A’blush above the stratosphere,

wink knowing stars so wise,

that every lover who’s lain here …

danced starlight in their eyes.

An olde familiar song composed

by Nature long ago,

began to harmonize, transposed

our moonlit scene below.

So changed their ambience that then,

a charm on us was cast;

such was its spell so deep within,

electric charges passed.

Magnetic as the universe,

too strongly to resist …

such deeply-primal, sweet coerce,

made certain that we kissed.

So dearly ’twas when touched our lips

we flowed from two to one;

our universe into line slips …

a miracle’s begun.

As auras blended, breaths did, too;

warm blood began to flow

into all places  … sparks then flew,

and, now, I think we know;

when deep at night warm dreams ensue

and planets all align,

there’s no resisting what’s come true ~

when Venus gives her sign.

Richard W. Jenkins

© 23 Sep 2018

Author's Note

Painting, oil on canvas: Cupid Undoing Venus' Belt, by Sir Joshua Reynolds, 1788

Feel free to offer serious critique and helpful comments! : )

Reviews

[lightsong]

What surprises me about this poem, as many other poems from You, how You even speak "sciencely" of/about love, hinting with hidden thoughts here and there, all uttered with Your ever gentle loving dreamy and fine poetic voice. Your poems have this profound touch of primal prim love and even life, where nothing was there but earth and sky, they waft with the ever first breath...

it makes me happy to read something happy from You :) (: .

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Lovely Light! : )
I cannot thank you enough for blessing me so sweetly with the touches of your sparkling words, but nothing is more gratifying than knowing my poetry has made you happy.

Warmest hugs to thee! ⁓ Richard 🌸

[Sarah K Cass]

This needs setting to music. Something gentle and ethereal. Simply lovely x

[Richard🖌]

Aw,
Thank you so warmly, Sarah Dear.
Your beautiful words of of sheer enjoyment and praise sweep me awayyy⁓* Richard ; )

[steppenwolf]

I love poems written in a form. In a way, it sets the poet free. The richest kind of imagery.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Dear Lady-Poet, most gratefully and warmly, for reading this little caress of romance.read moreThank you, Dear Lady-Poet, most gratefully and warmly, for reading this little caress of romance.
True, what you say … poetry, in its natural form (though, requiring a highly developed skill), does open a whole new, far more beautiful, world of freedom in self-expression.

Hugs 'n blessings! ⁓ Richard : )

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Some things cannot be stopped hat must come to pass shall surely be- a love as deep as thee- will find a place to be free- truth to self will lead us where we are meant to be - beautiful like always🌹

[Richard🖌]

Dear Kelly,
Most humbly and gratefully yours, I bow in gracious thanks.

Warmest blessings! ⁓ Richard : )

[grimfukle]

Really, really very well done. Great imagery.

[Richard🖌]

Hey, Kevin,
Thanks for the read and pats on the head review.

May you day be filled with rhymes joy! ⁓ Richard : )

[Dr. YumnaKay]

This is lilting and a lesson of sorts for me in terms of the iambic meter. Your words and phrases are pleasing to this reader's mind and I absolutely love your title and last stanza! Lovely piece, Richard. I enjoyed reading :D

[Richard🖌]

Hi-ya, Dear Doc!
Thank you ever-so warmly for such sweetly inspiring words of praise, recognition, and appreciation of this little piece of romantically embracing verse.
Yes, the iambics are a good example to learn from for your upcoming Sonnet. : )

I am so happy you enjoyed this one, Lady Yumna! ⁓ Richard 🌸

[Einstein Noodle]

i think this is marvelous Richard .. simply so very romantic .. i was swooned into the spell .. the story line is delightful ..so easy to place myself as the guy ..and with definite young ladies as youth was our standard and Venus' call heard in an instant ... this line read a little rough for me "the universe into line slips" maybe something like "the universe sublimely slips" .. too many mood emotive lines and words and scenes to mention ..another all around fine poem of wonderful wonderful romance ..may it never be another silly love song ;)))))))))))
E.

[Richard🖌]

Hey, buddy! : )
Goodness, I really have gotten behind in my review reads and comments; especially, on this piece.
Just a minute, Gene … lemme check that line out to see if your suggestion with fit.

So dearly ’twas when touched our lips
we flowed from two to one;
our universe "into line" slips …
a miracle’s begun.

So dearly ’twas when touched our lips
we flowed from two to one;
our universe "sublimely" slips …
a miracle’s begun.

Though, "sublimely slipped" is a lovelier phrase than "into line slips", is iambically correct, and flows with sweeter ambience, it does not deliver the message that (all our planets perfectly aligned, or came into line, etc) adequately. Let me mull it over a bit to see if a rework of that verse might allow "sublimely" or something better that "into line" can be used. If I come up with something, I'll let you know, so you can give it a look-see. Good eye!

I thought you'd find some nice flavor in this little embracer … thanks a zillion! ⁓ Richard ; )

[Einstein Noodle]

yeah..i see what you mean about the meaning ...i just tripped slightly over the syncopated beat ..

[Richard🖌]

"Syncopated" … hm?
Well, "our universe "into line" slips …" is iambically correct:
"our UNiVERSE inTO line SLIPS …"
And, I perceive no syncopated break in beat or flow, but I know we often read things in such a way it becomes our own rhythmic measure; I know I do and have to go back to sort it out the way the writer meant it to be, and one could argue that if the writer were good enough we'd not have to, eh? : D

[Einstein Noodle]

i just knew i used that word wrong ;} love ya bro!

[Richard🖌]

B I G S M I L E !

[heavenscentgirl1]

I had to come back to read this one again & to get my Richard fix! 😍, Mary Jo

[Richard🖌]

Again, Mary Jo,
I am most appreciative for your continued enjoyment and support.

read moreAgain, Mary Jo,
I am most appreciative for your continued enjoyment and support.

Thank you warmly and sincerely! ⁓ Richard : )

[Richard🖌]

Thank you warmly and sincerely! ⁓ Richard : )

[DIVYA]

Passion needs a heaven-sent opportunity to bloom...This poem is a breathtaking tribute to love and to the Goddess herself. Softly sensuous is the imagery and the passion builds up ever so gently under the serene, silvery moon and at its crescendo, makes the verses blush ever so subtly and hearts go faint with anticipation. The concluding line reinforces the theme beautifully, dear Richard. I could read the poem any number of times and still be enthralled, each time!

[Richard🖌]

Sighhh!
Oh, Divya Dear,
I so miss You … no one writes poetry or poetic reviews the beautifully embracing ways you do.
You've taken this poem and used it as the catalyst to inspire, encourage, gratify, and bless my humbly hopeful efforts to write and please others … and surely, Your Dear Self! : )

Hugs 'n lotsa love to thee! ⁓ Richard

Come home! 🤗

[heavenscentgirl1]

Still trying to catch my breath! Love it - mary Jo 💖

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Mary Jo,
Your passion and exuberance for this piece is warmly gratifying, and to have anything of mine loved is inspiring and encouraging, to say the least,

With warmest hugs! ⁓ Richard : )

[Beccy]

How about, 'so changed their wondrous ambience,' same syllable count, and with just slight emphasis on 'changed,' the same effect is achieved, especially when read aloud; And wondrous seems to go rather nicely with the delightfully traditional language employed.

Beccy.

[Richard🖌]

That would be wonderful, Beccy, except for the rhyme scheme, and don't forget to read the instructions in the Intro: This one is in iambic meter.
Actually, I have no issue whatsoever with it as it is, but let me see what I can do for You. : )

So changed their ambience that then,
a charm on us was cast;
such was its spell so deep within,
electric charges passed.

So changed their wondrous ambiance,
a charm on us was cast;
such was its spell in deep romance,
electric charges passed.

Beccy,
How's that sound?

[Beccy]

I think that is perfect.

[Richard🖌]

Big S M I L E !