Little Conqueror

The seasons are my anachronism.

The last bit of whipped cream
refuses to be
sucked
through the straw

Weighted training in the Autumn,
I have resigned to rot here.
Inside you
I will die within your guise

Let our gaze and imminent embrace
be frozen
and let the leaves change behind us.
Through the oranges, reds and browns,
our expressions will not change

A photograph to remind us
of those sweet airy times,
the ones where we ignored those parts of us that passed away.

That pile of crunching red leaves
with joyful blinks I remember the falls
into happiness
into time
into futures that could never exist because they were so far away

I was so excited to see a single leaf crumble to pieces in my hand.

Caressed by the thrill,
I leaped.
When the leaves were wet from the desperate rain,
they brought no stains.
As long as our hearts were both tingling,
I couldn�t go back
inside.

Reviews

[rebecca]

your poems are really something richard! but you already know that, what with your publications and all. really like this poem, great imagery and it seemed to tie together pretty nicely. some of the longer lines might need some fixing, like taking out a few words that could be said with just one.
your imagery here is really substantial, and really quite strong. i like that you use leaves, seeing as they can dry up and blow away and become brittle, much like the idea of love. i really enjoyed the stanzas:
"I have resigned to rot here.
Inside you
I will die within your guise

Let our gaze and imminent embrace
be frozen
and let the leaves change behind us." really really strong, but i think maybe seperating be frozen/ and let the leaves change behind us. / our expressions will not change" might make those last two lines a little more powerful. also, the word expressions, i can't figure out if i like it or not. part of me says use somethig more detailed, but part of me really likes it b/c it mkaes me question if the narrator and the beloved have two different expressions on, and that is why they are not classified as the same.
really concise poem, well worded and thought out. i'm very impressed! i wish you could have read your stuff in class!
p.s. congrats again on getting all those publications! i am so excited for you!

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Wow, this reminds me of childhood and raking up the leaves only to jump in them again without abandon - great poem. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha

[Mae Bee]

I stand between swooning and crying, this is beautiful. Reading it outloud the words start to feel like glass stuck in my throat, reading and melting, and falling.

[Avoiry]

very nice i liked the wording you used and the picture in my head was a wonderful picture

[Jesse Lynn]

I can smell the leaves. and the love.

wow, made it sound like I was a hippy, didn't I?

[Rc R. Vagilidad]

The first two stanzas gave a great introduction for the whole entity of the theme!

"those sweet airy times"- well described, probably you really missed the times being free, not upheld upon commands! i come to think of my CAT training on way back our highschool days, it was intense! having your stance in a straight conjurance, it was so hectic.. and i was in the vastness of nothingness, wanting to finish the day immediately and feel the freedom once again!

this gave me a lot of thoughts, kudoS! great theme! and title, let me think of being in a low strata/heirarchy of soldiers!!!

[James H Duncan]

I dig your work, has a good roll to it, good life, good vibe.

[Woman King]

This gives me a nice warm, safe feeling. I like it alot. It reminds me of that childlike hope and excitement that comes with love.

Hope all is well with you:)

[Philip Hartshorn]

you're crazy brother! you dynasty warriors fanatic! oh, by the way, nice piece.

[Ben Umstead]

I get this, heart stands in for the leaves changing and vice versa connection here. But I'm not sure if that was an intention of yours or not.
I think the picture threw me off of the subject matter truely at hand.