Lonely Dance

a lil' sumn sumn...:-)

We swayed together gently nestled in each others arms,
Yet I couldn’t feel her heartbeat,
Her eyes looked so beautifully vacant and elusive,
Her kiss a unique blend of cold and sweet,

Everyone stared, mesmerized by the soft sway of her hips,
Trying to get a peek at her form hugging dress,
I on the other hand wished my visions would come true,
That she’d let me into the icebox within her chest,

Her eyes were cold an told a sad story,
A story of unrequited love,
And though the music was booming with life,
I felt death within this battered dove,

I wished that she would only talk to me,
Take me to the place her broken heart lay,
But she only smiled a cold smile, and batted her eyelashes,
So I just drew her closer as we swayed,

She had long forfeited the right to her soul,
And I knew from the first look in her eyes,
That like me she had lived, and loved and lost,
But I also knew that from ashes, Phoenix’ rise,

I longed for the chance to touch her pain,
And with love caress them away,
But she held on to her fears, fought back the lonely tears,
And kissed my cheek softly as we danced the night away,

My heart quickened with every sad turn we made,
And for a moment I dreamed of romance,
But Sheila’s mind, it was somewhere else,
And so I sighed and bemoaned our missed chance,

The music soon died down as the night wore away,
And I wondered if she shared my desires,
I wondered if I was any closer to knowing her love,
Cause it’s a chilly night to be taking a cold shower.

Author's Note

sumn i wrote a while back....hope y'all like it.

Reviews

[Adora.xo]

Beautiful. The rhyme and rythm was flawless, the story behind it was mesmerizing and, the emotion was real. The line "..the icebox within her chest" reminded me of a poem I read for a class assignment its called; This is just to say by William Carlos and it goes like this--

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast.

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold.


Odd, I know, but if you take the time to delve into it, you'd be surprised with the possibilities. Great job though dear!

~Adora

[wthz freestylen]

read my post good one btw

[wthz freestylen]

hat she’d let me into the icebox within her chest,

Her eyes were cold an told a sad story,
A story of unrequited love,
And though the music was booming with life,
I felt death within this battered dove,

[wolfshrew]

you are wonderful with description, i cannot wait to read more.

[Middling]

a sad poem...

[Aynsley]

Hey, great poem, I really like it! If you could,

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[deeps]

I think this a lovely write here.
Very poetic and well written.
I loved your last stanza.

[Donna M. Burr]

I adored this. Such powerful emotions, and makes me actually feel like I am watching this scene unfold with such imaginative imagery. Wondrous, and I wish I could pick out a favorite line. So many were my favorites! I can relate to this one well, and though the emotion is quite sad and demurred, at the end when I read the last line, made me chuckle a bit, but added to the longing of the poem, and also was a cheer up for the reader at the end. I don't know if that was your intention but, Bravo! I loved it.

[Romeion Case]

Thank you Robyn. It's always nice to know when your work is appreciated. :-)

[Robyn]

Her eyes were cold an told a sad story,
A story of unrequited love,
And though the music was booming with life,
I felt death within this battered dove,

^^^that is my favorite part.
what a beautiful story told in a poem.
i loved it :)