Seasons

A short work of nonsense from when I was a senior in high school... Oh boy.

The seasons coexist shamefully;

As sun may blaze, later dark clouds

Come to cover the scourge, mercifully

Defending the people below, but winds soon pound

The people down as clouds grow

A heavy gray: water streaks the sky

And pelts the fools once soaking up the glow

Of noon warmth, now long gone awry.

Author's Note

I never finished this; it was just scribbled in an old notebook, but now I'm thinking I might add on to it and actually go into some seasonal shifts that suit the theme. Living in Louisiana, we tend to face a lot of blunt/random changes in weather between/during seasons. It's pretty awful and unpredictable, and though I don't quite remember, I suspect that's what inspired these short couple stanzas.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i would keep it as is...less is more.

there is a nice theme i see in this...we are all, at one time or another, naive fools...

having a false sense of security...thinking everything is rosy when of course we are not.

i think of Oedipus Rex...with his power and wealth...we might envy him and think all that would protect him from chaos and heartbreak...but look what happened to him...

at least at the end he could only feel the rain pelting him, couldn't see it.

short and sweet this is...adding a lot more would take away from it, i think.

jacob

[Amanda Granger]

Yeah, think I won't add or tinker with it more unless I get some flash of inspiration. I'm glad I stumbled upon this little gem; I barely remember writing it, and the more I read it the more I like it. Being a while back, it almost feels like reading someone else's work haha. You have a good point about the theme. Thank you for the lovely review!

[Antonio Valentino]

"The seasons coexist shamefully;
As sun may blaze, later dark clouds
Come to cover the scourge, mercifully
Defending the people below, but winds soon pound"

just as we try to shelter and shield each others extremes so do the heavens residing above us.. until the blustery fellow comes by to push everyone around and mess up their hair..

"The people down as clouds grow
A heavy gray: water streaks the sky
And pelts the fools once soaking up the glow
Of noon warmth, now long gone awry."

and as the crowds grow,
the fat gray haired gent throws his
watered down drink across the yonder
showering loons in midday glare
ordering this time, whiskey an rye

never really thought how similiar the sky was with the local dive down the road until now..

dont knock balderdash too quickly my friend.. if it wasnt for, nonsense, i wouldnt have any sense at all

thanks for the yummy poem Amanda

this one was seasoned, just right :)

[Amanda Granger]

Hehe I think I like your review better than the actual poem--it''s quite poetic in and of itself. I funny little twist there. Well, my 17 year old self thanks you and is glad you found it flavorable. :P Oh god, don't get me started on the puns... There's a little insight in all nonsense I suppose. Touche! And thank you for the review. :D

[Antonio Valentino]

well do me a favor then and tell your 17 year old self she's very welcome and that in a couple of years to join writerscafe so i can read all her wonderful poetry okay.. otherwise ill just cry haha..

thank you

:)

[Jeremia]

I also think you should keep it as is. It is beautiful just the way it is. I think it ends quite well.

[sithlordjp]

I kind of like it as is. Works perfectly well. When I put something aside for too long and come back to it, whatever I add feels forced, disjointed. This poem here might look like it's unfinished (I said might, because I personally don't read it that way!) but there is a underlying quality to that. The reader can wonder why it was left the way it is... Was it lost...? Was the rest of it damaged? Erased? Gives a whole new life beyond the words: the missing words. Of course that just my opinion! Love what you did with this piece.

I like the repetitions of "people" and "clouds" in both stanzas. Something ominous (scourge), that brings us together, or keep us apart perhaps?

[Amanda Granger]

I just wasn't sure if it worked as is since I wrote it almost 4 years ago, but you make a good point. I was reading it last night thinking about what I could change and was surprised to find I felt it was pretty complete. Adding anything at this point would probably feel forced, like you said. Though the style is quite different from how I write now--all the more reason to preserve it I guess.

And wow, I hadn't even noticed that. It suits the theme. Heh, I wonder if I did that knowingly when I wrote it. The piece is definitely meant to be dark in tone yet universal/allegorical. I'm glad it gives that impression. Thanks for reviewing!

[sithlordjp]

You're welcome! Yes, it is different from your current writings. Nice little time capsule of who you were as writer, where you come from.