The Price of Sin

The Price of Sin

A Poem by Sarah_Allen
"

A suicide poem

"
I wish I had jumped then...
So at least I would’ve-
If I had the courage
To raise a knife
And not a bottle
In the end I forget who I am
I guess that’s the price to pay
-For my sins

© 2020 Sarah_Allen


Author's Note

Sarah_Allen
Depression and the longing of death. Looking back on suicide attempts, wishing I had that courage to finish it.

My Review

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Reviews

It actually takes courage to not quit, to not submit to the dark voices, and to write about it for thousands, maybe millions to read. As strange as it might read, I find hope in poems like this one. The poem is evidence of strength, the will to fight back and tell others they're not alone. Keep writing!

Posted 1 Month Ago


Sarah_Allen

1 Month Ago

Agree to disagree on that haha. I personally find death a whole lot more courageous to venture into .. read more
R.E. Ray

1 Month Ago

Poets often disagree. :) I’d say ask Plath or Sexton, but too bad they’re no longer with us. The.. read more
Sarah_Allen

1 Month Ago

True true :)
depression stinks so bad, I suffer from depression. It's better not to harm yourself though...


Posted 2 Months Ago


Sarah_Allen

2 Months Ago

Thank you, yes it would be better but sometimes our mind still get the better of us...
You're a survivor and I am glad you couldn't finish it. There must be a purpose why you are still around. A greater design for a greater good. There is sin and darkness in everyone. You're not alone. Never think you are. Meow!

Posted 3 Months Ago


Sarah_Allen

3 Months Ago

Thank you so much Dhara. That means a lot. How have you been? Thanks for stopping by, I’ll be over.. read more
Dhara_Ditzy Kat

3 Months Ago

I'm around amd doing very well, thanks.
You stay well and cheery, my dearie :) You're alway.. read more
Sarah, I for one, am glad you did not "finish it." Poetry would have suffered the loss. I would have suffered the loss of knowing myself better. I see now the circular thinking of depression. It is so true how "forgetting who I am" really is a sort of "price to pay". It occurs to me that the loss of one's own ability to explore even the most frustrating dimensions of my reality would also be a "price."

Following another strand, if you had made the choice for the "knife and not the bottle" the future of that choice would be inconclusive. Taking what appears to be the weaker choice at the moment may, in fact, have been the stronger leaving you the option to choose again. It is not easy being human, or exploring our lurking human nature, I think. It is a choice with which we all are confronted daily, and it occurs to me that you are choosing to be human by following your deep circular thinking and motivation. I thank you for sharing.

Posted 3 Months Ago


Sarah_Allen

3 Months Ago

Thank you again, Allen. I’m glad you get the little hypothetical timelines from choices and weakne.. read more
AllenS

3 Months Ago

😎My pleasure
such an emotional powerful write here. nicely written

Posted 3 Months Ago


Sarah_Allen

3 Months Ago

Thank you :)
This is very self deprecating and masochistic, but I'm glad that you can release these emotions too. It is way better than acting on them.

Posted 3 Months Ago


Sarah_Allen

3 Months Ago

Masochism is one of my best qualities hahaha 😁😁😂 thanks for stopping by!
Allie Brumfield

3 Months Ago

Lol you're welcome
I like that you can release these emotions
keeping things bottled inside is no solution
I think everyone, at one time or other, thinks about suicide but more so the dreamer, who I consider being those more inclined toward the arts
I know of only one heart-broken friend that tried, came close, but couldn't quite pull it of.
Today he is a very happily married guy with a good life
In spite of the varying difficulties we all fact, life is good, so hang on to it because it is a one time only wonderful gift
J the B offers good advise

Posted 3 Months Ago


Sarah_Allen

3 Months Ago

Thank you for your kind review, sir. It means a lot. We certainly can learn from our attempts
Very interesting poem. It is hard to forgive others sometimes.

Posted 3 Months Ago


Sarah_Allen

3 Months Ago

Even harder to forgive ourselves. Thank you for your review
JungLee

3 Months Ago

You're welcome! please read one of my newest poems!
before we can be forgiven by others, I think we have to forgive ourselves.
then maybe we won't need the knife or the bottle.
powerful write, Sarah.
j.

Posted 3 Months Ago


Sarah_Allen

3 Months Ago

Thank you Jacob, perhaps I’ll find that way haha.
A lot of darkness in this one. The poem implies alcohol abuse, the note, depression. The two often go together. The last two lines of the poem are disturbing. There is the suggestion that the situation is the price for sins. In my experience in working with depressed people, part of the disease is distorted thinking, wherein all of one's past mistakes are viewed as grave moral failings. This is most often not the case, but the illness makes it seem so. If you are having these feelings, please get help.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Sarah_Allen

4 Months Ago

Yes, I do like my dark poems. I have learned to live with these thoughts all the time so I’m used .. read more

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Added on April 13, 2020
Last Updated on April 14, 2020
Tags: Regret, suicide, depression

Author

Sarah_Allen
Sarah_Allen

Κύριε, Κύριε, το αίμα σου Bρίσκεται στα χέρια μοu



About
I wish I could close my eyes let the Universe consume me. All I ever wanted was to disappear like I never existed, to find some meaning in this all. Where were you? You were somewhere in the back o.. more..

Writing
If only If only

A Poem by Sarah_Allen



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