How Could You ?!

I wrote this with so much pain in my heart ..

As I leave my house after hours of staying in bed ...

and days of crying ..

not being able to move ..

feeling so much pain ..

so much soreness in my body .. my heart .. and every single muscle in my body ..

I couldn't move .. your image was haunting me all night and i couldn't even breathe properly ..

I looked to my right ... i looked to my left .. you weren't there ..

I looked at my phone .. nothing ..

looked inside my heart ..

pain .. heartache .. numbness..

I have never loved anyone as much as i loved you ..

I can't believe your heart can be this cold and leave me here bleed alone ..

I can't believe that for a second you can just pack your bags and leave ..

how can your heart be so damn cruel and numb ?!

how can your heart forget our first kiss ?

our first touch ..

how can your heart forget the first day I saw you ?!

how ?!?

Why do I feel that you no longer feel what u used to feel for me ?!

Why do I feel that you are so far away from me ,, so far away from my heart ?!

Why do I feel that your heart is no longer beating for me the same exact beats it did in the beginning ?!

why do I feel so cold , insecure , scared , worried ?!

and when I told you .. you absolutely didn't say a word .. 

you just left me in the dark ... cold ... crying  .. filled with fear ..

how could you ?!

you said you loved me ..

you said you cared about me ..

you said I am the best you ever had ..

then why are you doing this ?!

why don't you drive your car , come to me , pick me up , wipe away my tears , hold me close .. and promise that you will never let me go ..?!

why don't you at least send me a message so I can get a little bit of hope seeing your name on my phone ..

just send me a plain message if you don't have any words for me ..

I just want to see your name ..

Don't you miss me ?!

Doesn't your heart miss my beat ?!

Don't your lips miss mine ??

Don't your hands miss my fingers to fill in the space between yours ??

Don't your eyes open up in the morning and miss having me beside you ?!

Doesn't your body not function well without me beside it ?!

Well ..

I do ..

I  miss every single thing .. but I can no longer walk , talk , speak , see nor even think .. for your harsh words and cold attitude just knocked me down my feet and crashed into me as if i was hit by a car , flew in the air , landed on my head , got a concussion , lost my memory , and laid down there bleeding ..

where are you ?!?!

where are you to rescue me ?!!?

get back to your senses and come back ..

stop being so distant ..!

stop being so far away ..!

stop being so damn cold !!!

stop treating me in a cold and cruel way .. !

How can I love you and hate you in the same time ?!

how is that even possible ?!

I am so tired ..

I am so worn out ..

its been two days ..

but for me its like two years ..

I wish I knew that you cried for me , or shed a tear for me , or that you are fighting to get me back ..

or your heart is screaming out my name ..

I am here ,

and you are there ..

And I wake up in the morning with this huge lump on my heart ..

and as if I never want to leave my bed due to the lack of energy my body has ..

have some mercy ..

open up your eyes .. your mind .. your heart ..! 

And for god's sake ..

Come back .. 

I've got nothing now but prayer ..

Waiting ..

maybe my prayers will be answered ..

and you will come back ..

All I have now is faith ..

that you will come back ..

but I won't let you in easily ..

you hurt me ..

and you need to pay the price of winning my heart back ..

for I offered you my heart and soul on a plate of gold ..

and you just hurt it so easily with your harsh words ..

So , till that time comes ..

I will just take care of my heart ..

for its bleeding slowly now ..

Waiting for your return to heal it ..take care of it and cherish it forever !

Reviews

[Kaitlyn Raiford]

I know how such pain feels as I have recently experienced it. I can relate to every word written here, sadly. Recently I was left alone, in the dark- the bitterness of nippy air chilling my skin as I followed. I would no let him go. I followed. But he told me to turn back.. I am sorry that you have to experience this and how I feel, as well. It is a terrible feeling and It should not have to be felt by anyone. It is extremely hard for me to get up of bed in the morning, or to eat- just the simple, basic, everyday sorts of things. Mentally I am still standing there waiting for him to turn back. For him to come back. He once told me he loved me and that as long as I was around he would take care of me. What happened? Thank you for the share. This marked my feelings exactly.. I am glad I got to read it and review it. Maybe review my writing about my similar experience? It is named Albert Thompson (The road that I was left on.) I would greatly appreciate it. Again, great writing! I thoroughly enjoyed it.

[Sasha]

wow .. I am sorry you went through the same thing .. it is very hard ..
Thank you for reading my work I will check out your writings soon :)

[Kaitlyn Raiford]

You are welcome! Thank you, as well.

[Sami Khalil]

"All I have now is faith ..

that you will come back ..

but I won't let you in easily ..

you hurt me ..

and you need to pay the price of winning my heart back ..

for I offered you my heart and soul on a plate of gold ..

and you just hurt it so easily with your harsh words .."

Love is a double-edged sword. It needs faith along with hope. You have penned your heart and soul in this one...:)......................

[Sasha]

Thanks Sami ! Appreciate it !

[Sami Khalil]

MY pleasure...:)............