Love and Hate ..

My heart is lost .. My mind is lost .. My soul is lost .. What's left ?!

How is it possible that you love someone and hate them in the same time ?!

How can love and pain live inside one organ .. the heart ..

I never imagined it was true until I met you ..

I loved you with every single vein in my body and every single beat of my heart ..

I love you that I gave my heart to you with my own hands ..

Told you to take good care of it .. that I never trusted anyone as much as I trusted you ..

I don't usually give my heart to anyone ..

but there was something about you ..

something my eyes has never seen before ..

something my hands never felt before ..

something my lips didn't feel before ..

and someone that my heart jumped out of my chest from day one ..

 

Then you do something and you easily crush my heart with your cruel words ..

with your cold heart ..

I was shocked .. that my heart froze from your cold heart and couldn't get warm again ..

it was like I was hit by a truck flew in the air and landed back on the truck and got hit again ..

No damage was caused to my body ..

but all the damage was internal ..

it was internal bleeding in my heart ..

It was bleeding , cold , scared and broken ..

how could you ?!?!

I trusted you !!! 

and now you come back begging me for forgiveness ..

I tried .. I tried to talk to my heart ..

but it refused to do anything ..

it told me that it needed time to heal ..

that it has never been hurt like this .. and especially cause its from you ..

it was like a shock to my heart that its still revealing from ..

I will give you the time you need ..

take the time you need ..

but please heal ..

 

its been two weeks now and my heart is still cold ..

and healing ..

wait , is it healing ?

am I sure?

I look inside my heart and ask it ..

I find out that my heart cant literally say a word ..

nor even take a deep breathe ..

I hate him! My heart shouts .. 

He tore me into pieces ..

He was so cold to me that I no longer can feel warmth again..

He was so stubborn and did whatever he wanted to do without paying attention to what I Feel..

Or if i get hurt or not ..

or if I am in pain or not ..

He was ready to pack his bags and leave .. 

How could he?!

How could he do that when all I did was offer him everything ?!

How dare him do that to me ..?!

I can't even look at him right now ..

nor tell him anything ..

I just want to heal..

What if he tries to get you back ..?

I ask my heart ..

will you take him back ?!

Sigh...

No answer ..

What if he does everything to get you back and fights for you ?!

Well he hasn't !! 

He hasn't done anything !! Nor has he made me feel anything !! My  heart replies with anger ..

But he loves you .. and cares about you .. I speak with hesitation ..

Well , then I will not offer him anything or feel anything for him until he proves that he truly loves me and will never hurt me no matter what !

He needs to work so hard to get me back to normal .. my heart says with pain ..

I am shattered .. lost .. and broken into pieces ..

He wants me .. well , let him go look for every single piece he broke and put it back together ..

that's if he finds all my pieces ..

what he did wasn't easy ...

So getting me back won't be easy also ..

My heart was never in so much pain ..

It was hurt before ..

but it healed .. really fast ..

but this time its different ..

its just so damn different !!

It loved you so much !!! It lived every day breathing your love .. and nurturing my body with your pictures and memories ..

I don't know what to do ..

I am completely lost ..

lost in words ..

My mind can't function right .. I have amnesia from the severe pain you caused ..

My eyes are blurry .. my vision has become so bad after you hurt me .. 

My soul needs rehab .. for months to recover ..

My heart .. is so numb that it can't feel anything ..

It can't feel happiness .. nor pain .. nothing ..absolutely nothing ..

What should I do ?!

How can I love you and hate you at the same time ?!

How can Love and hate be combined together ?!

That's impossible !

I never in my whole entire life thought that I would ever feel this way !

Never .. 

I had so many plans for us ..

I thought you were something different that happened to me ..

Something Exquisite ..

Something that I would tell many generations about ..

Someone that I thought was too good to be true ..

Until ..

You broke me into pieces ..

And left me to bleed..

And now ..

your asking me for forgiveness ..

To give you a second chance..

I am in no so much pain right now ..

Can't think ..or feel anything ..

I don't know how long this pain will last ..

I don't know how long my heart , mind and soul will be lost ..

I don't know anything ..

Now how about that ?!

How can you fix that ?!

Reviews

[POETIC SOUL 2013]

Speaking from a male perspective, I have recently been in a similar situation. The Thing is Love is love and hate is hate. I don't believe you can do them simultaneously, rather though, you can Love the person, and hate their actions. I don't think anyone ever has any easy answers. but in this piece i would say, Does the love outweigh the hatred for the actions, If so then maybe request the person shows you their willingness to change whats driven the wedge before the relationship can continue. Then maybe out of their love for you they will wake up and realize, how much their truly harming you.
The poem is a brilliant piece. Your emotion and soul spills easily onto the page, driving the reader to be compelled to see it as you do. I found this piece quite interesting and I enjoyed the Read.

[Sasha]

Thank you !
I am so glad you liked it :)

Its the hardest feeling honestly .. Writing is what is keeping me alive ..

[TL Boehm]

the heart wants what it wants whether its good for rest of the soul or not. And forgiveness doesn't mean letting the truck hit you again. Sometimes it means moving on - and that's a conversation you can only have with your heart...
Wise poetry here.

[Sasha]

100% true !
Thanks for commenting ! Appreciate your feedback :)
I believe moving on is the hardest part .. but time heals all wounds I guess ..

[Aethereal]

Life's too complex for mere mortals to engage in high expectations among themselves without setting themselves up for a fall from grace. The Gods of Love laugh at Perfidious!

[Sasha]

I totally agree ..

[Lyn Anderson]

A very descriptive and intimate piece. Well done.

[Sasha]

Thanks ! Appreciate your feedback :)

[Saddam]

love-lost, this two things come together and always hurt the both.
weldone you write a difficult poetry and good placed that...
i love this

[Sasha]

Thank you :)

[Sami Khalil]

A lot of feelings of hurt and angst in this contemplative poem with asking for forgiveness and second chances. Thank you for sharing this and the video...:).................

[Sasha]

Thanks Sami !
Glad you liked it :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)......................

[Sasha]

Do you think its pretty strong ?

[Sami Khalil]

Yep. ...:)..............

[Sasha]

Great ! I really wanted it to be :)

[Sami Khalil]

^^~^^ :).................