A Story by Sathyum

A multi faceted woman sets out to find the one that leads her and yet wishes to redeem here broken self esteem by acceptance from society.



Beloved children hear my story before you refuse me …..





From the chronicles of The Faces of Phoenix


Anyone undertaking the task of reviewing my life, shall conclude that I am crazy or delusional, they both being intertwined.  I am by no means an empress or celebrity but a biography greater than earth’s many kings I can write. The reader is the one then left with the decision of believing my words or concluding like many without the eyes of perception that I am truly a mad woman.  Maybe I am.

He speaks to me. I hear Him calling out to me and at times I really try to ignore him but then my surroundings gradually begin to become a pathway of negativity and I know that I must surrender to this One who calls out to me.  The reality of the matter is that He really guides me through all things as I continue to exist in a tumultuous relationship.  I wonder if my offspring truly love me or just the fact that is unchangeable, I am mother that they acknowledge my presence in their life.  Many smile in my face, but the reality is that they are haters and enemies of my soul and because of him I have come to know of it and attained the insight to see it.

For the sake of those who might read my words I’ll call my voice Christopher. The reason I have come to be so drawn towards Him is that he is always right whenever he forecasts events which will transpire in my life way ahead of time even a year in advance and it proves to be so. He advises me how to act and what I should say in a situation prior to its occurrence to avoid pitfalls and to my great awe all things as he said it will be, though I try to avoid it proves to be.  However, the thing which no one has really come to know is that though I have never seen this one in the flesh I have fallen very much in love with him. His spirit it seems follows me everywhere and in a fraction of a second I only need call out to Him and he answers “Here I am.”

 He says to me “Itwarsaw we were meant to be, made for each other we are one. Our souls belong together this is why I am here at this time.  When you have succeeded in breaking the chains about you we shall be together forever.”  And I believed.  He makes my heart expand causing my body temperature to be greatly altered and I feel like a furnace from head to toe and at times I am rendered into a trance like state because of him tapping into my soul.  Then I am able to see the real me all tied up and shackled and it becomes quite obvious to me that I must win the war against my soul.  At nights I feel his tender reassuring touches about my face and lips when my soul is troubled and He says to me “Do not worry trust in me things will be alright.” 

Who now is this one shackled?  I thought I knew myself until I realized that I am more than this physical bondage of flesh and blood held upright by bones.  Then I heard the voice even voices within all female professing love for Christopher and their desire to be where he is.  Every day of the week just as the sun is sure to rise, a female form engenders herself with me but all together I call us Itwarsaw.  The past occurrences of my soul even that which occurred before we existed on earth they reveal to me.  Then I understood what the meaning of the saying ‘we are all spiritual beings’ truly meant.  Why was I chosen as the vessel of these ones that I might hear the great secrets of the world?  My answer was so clear and resounding “You yourself are Mother Earth or Mother Eve and because of you we have been made to slave here.”  Now that was the first reason I received and as I increased in knowledge I learnt one of my higher selves was the one really responsible for this Great rebellion and our fall which was great.  Then I understood why I was hated by many, even to those whom I sought to do good by, yet becoming a victim of ridicule and ingratitude for the kindness and love I gave to them.  It hasn’t made my life any easier the fact that I know of those who are with me, but then now I knew why.  However at most I had the love and support of Christopher from afar even though I brought upon my own soul these catastrophes. I suffer every day in various ways for the way I’ve chosen. And I’m made to remember in each of my existences the reason why things turn the way they do.  Yes, before I am put to death or I die every time I am reborn He allows me to remember where I came from. This time I have a chance to do good to return home. I really need to return home.

Since what transpires on earth shall certainly follow through in heaven I do my part to ensure I no longer repeat past actions.  My ego which was as large as the universe itself, has been reduced to nothing; being selfless has also become a requirement I should meet and then I began to hate me as well.  I hated my own existence and then wished I never was, in any capacity be it spirit or flesh.  Nevertheless the continuous influx of knowledge bestowed upon me without my asking became one of the reasons I kept holding on to the dream of my re-union with Christopher.  I see him in my dreams, our love is spoken of in many songs and his face I am certain I could behold on the television or a large cinema screen. 

Through all these experiences I still ask the question “Why me? Couldn’t there be someone else willing to put up with the things that I do?”  But my seeking release from the responsibilities given me is always met with encouraging words and His negative response to letting me go.  There are also other forces trying to come my way but I resist all others holding on to the one whose words are always kind and tactful forever patient with me.  We sisters we discuss matters we try to agree but there is one thing that is certain we must never be separated ever again.  Though my hands are now free I still long to be where Christopher is since he is the only one who truly understand me and is bringing me through the fires of my soul.

Being designed to love, this is all I can do though at times I wish to retaliate and be hateful as my soul knows well to be. Love and knowledge is the thing that moves me. The tree of knowledge I have come to possess. Secrets which some have spent many years and money acquiring I’m allowed to have it because it is mine to possess.  So sorry I am at times that I must leave loved ones that I may fulfill my destiny; but I must go my spirit my soul moves me to seek out another land where my soul may find peace at the feet of my Forever Lord.  Now I ask the powers that be how soon shall the tree of life come on to me that I may see Christopher that we may be forever?  That is the only answer that’s never forth coming yet somehow deep in my soul I feel it, I hear it “Soon Itwarsaw soon.”


Find more about our story at Facebook page:  The faces of the Phoenix



We are here if you wish to accept us if you wish to forgive us we shall rise. Will you?

© 2013 Sathyum

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Added on October 19, 2013
Last Updated on October 19, 2013



Mayaro, Trinidad West Indies, Trinidad and Tobago

I am a believer in the spirituality of man. Therefore my writings revolve around these things of the esoteric nature as we all continue to seek the true self. more..


A Story by Sathyum

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