Almost A New Year

You don't know who you're messing with. Don't underestimate me, at any moment.

It's been a few weeks. Darryl's suddenly avoiding me, all because of 'B***h-ney', as I call her. Or maybe Bitchy Brittany is better,cause she's always bitching at him to stop hanging out with me. He's listening to her like a love sick puppy, while she's the man in the relationship. He says he wants to be friends...friends, after f*****g sleeping with me, telling me he still loves me and that 'maybe they'll be another three years'. There's my favorite, "Just be real with me." I mean, how am I supposed to just get over it like that? He might as well just take off his clothes already and just walk around naked, if he's going to do that cheating s**t already. I want to move on, but then signals like that make me want him back. I don't know how to just be over him...just want to move on with Paul already. No, I want Darryl back. No, I want to be with Paul. Hell, I'm confused, that's what.

I have been out of town for a week now, so I don't have that urge to see Darryl every other day. We do text each other everyday though. He wants me to work things out with Paul. Why, I sure as hell don't know. He says that I should really take the time to get to know Paul and be there to support him. Well, I heard that Paul might be kicked out from a text message since my phone's roaming from here in VA. I wrote back that I hope that things work out for him and I would do something special for him when I got back in town. Christmas here was pretty great and my favorite part was going to eat at my mom's friend's house. The best things were...everything, especially the macaroni and cheese, and also the pound cake. I hated the turkey, my piece was dry...I ate it with bites of the potato salad. Oh, I had roast beef too, that was good. 

Oh, I talked to my childhood best friend Kristina tonight and told her about everything that's been happening with Darryl and I. Or should I say, not happening lately. I said that him and I are still sleeping together, the last time was 2 weeks ago, right before I got here. He tells me to 'be real with him' and is encouraging me to have feelings for him...but then wants to avoid me, suddenly telling me to 'move on'  and that he wants her, that I should 'just get over it'.

I have a lot of things to do when I get back. Here's a list:

• Keep writing this novel (and my songs...and my poetry)
• Make more friends at the college
• Spend more time with Paul (when the semester begins, I will see him more)
• Dont call Darryl more than once a week (texting is cool though, I'll do that 3 times a week, in the evenings)
• Focus on schoolwork
• Get another job (work more hrs at my first job)
• Treat myself when I save up some more money

There's more s**t probably, but I really need to focus on a few things at a time. The list would be down to the floor if I kept writing. I know that the new year's almost here...and I have to stay focused on me, or I'll never get to be with anyone...especially Darryl.