The Boy That Drew On the Earth

I once met a boy

who drew on the earth

who spoke to the sky

who watched in awe

with twinkling eyes

He etches his fears

on the bark of a pine

Whispers his worries

to the song of a chime

With delicate fingers

he writes his secrets

on the warm beaches sand

waits for a powerful wave

and slight of hand

He screams his name

to a listening crowd

Traces his warmth

on a drifting cloud

Accompanied by the thunder

as lightning strikes the soul

he murmurs to the rain

plummeting to the ground

of an esoteric pain

Author's Note

Don't forget to tell me what you think. :)

Reviews

[Cole Hayley]

I love it! A great peice, of course. And the ending fits well.

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thanks so much. I'm glad you think so.

[Lily Mae]

I think your wonderful.. Your imagination is on fire and lets us share in the journey of this boy... I felt like it was one foot in a dream and one foot in reality.. How beautiful..xo

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thanks so much it means a lot.

[DA]

Wow, amazing poem! I shared it. I really liked the descriptions, scene, theme, title, and the topic XD Great job, keep me updated ;)

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thanks so much, I really appreciate it.

[Aehr]

I really love the descriptions, the rhyme scheme, the flow and... and the story told by the poem is amazing! well done!

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thank you!!!

[Aehr]

you are so very welcome! i really enjoyed this one!

[Lee]

What a lovely, well told poetic story. :)
It's awe-inspiring and I think that has alot to do with your diction or choice of words. It really made this imaginable and clear, vivid for the mind.

You also wrote this in a manner where it's incredible easy for the reader to place themselves in the character's perspective. It became relatable and this is always a good thing when it comes to writing. Nice work.

By the way, your title is gold.

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Oh, thanks so much, I really appreciate it!!! thanks to BLB for the title. :P

[Owlgirl]

Title possibilities. . . . hmm . . . "I Once Met A Boy . . ." ? IDK, it could be anything. This is great! Well done! The descriptions are amazing, I can feel the emotion, the enchantment, the hope, the awe, the awesomeness. This is amazing. Well done. I love it and am putting it in my library.

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thank you!!! I'm really happy that's the case (sorry if that sounds awkward, I'm running out of way to say "I'm grateful" :P). I think I'm going to go with "The Boy Who Drew On the Earth" but thanks so much anyways! :)

[Owlgirl]

Great title, I love it ;) and it is

[_]

SO BEAUTIFUL! I loved the poem! the boys sounds adorable! It was so enchantingly gorgeous! :D Title: hmmm.....I'm really not sure!

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Ha ha, that's okay, thank you for the review!!! You're SO KIND!!!! :D I really appreciate it.

[_]

YOUR WELCOME! :D

[BLBrown]

I cared for this very much. I love how he draws on the earth. Very clever. When naming, I sometimes like to draw from a line in the middle of the poem or the last line. I believe the title to be extremely important...enough interest to draw the reader to it. Here are some ideas:

"An Esoteric Pain"
"As Lightening Strikes the Soul"
"The Boy Who Drew On the Earth"
"Bark of Pine, Song of Chimes"

Hope this helps. I think my favorite is the second to last one.

[Owlgirl]

I like the second to last one as well, it's a good idea. :)

[SheActsLikeSummer]

I'm really glad you enjoyed it, thanks so much. Originally, when I was putting my ideas to paper before I wrote the actual poem - which let me tell you, doesn't happen very often - that was one of the titles (second to last one I mean) that came up when I was surveying my options. Now that I have people who agree with me I feel so much better :) Thanks so much for the read as well as everything else!

[Leslie Philibert]

I like the poem, and the title is fine too. You have conveyed your thoughts very well, so don`t worry about the title. Good poem.

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thank you, I really appreciate it. I actually wrote a piece about how I had to give everything a title and I was kind of arguing with myself that i shouldn't have to and stuff. :)

[Lena Rossmore]

wow i love this so much! i think a good title might be something simple like Boy, or The Boy? im not sure ahah, but well done! :)

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thanks so much, I'm really glad you liked it! :) I like 'The Boy', I'll keep it in mind, thanks. :)