High School: A Place Where Dreams Come True

I dreamt of that mystery boy every night that summer. With each passing moon he filled my head, and clouded my sleep. It was blissful. I had never felt a more powerful feeling towards something, let alone someone. It was moments like these where I wish Ann was readily available. I miss her dearly. How I wish to pick up my cell and text her all the juicy gossip from my dreams, as if they were coming true. But I couldn't.

I couldn't even explain it to myself. How could I explain this to Ann, my very religious and morally grounded best friend? No. I would simply keep this little secret to myself. Besides, in my dreams, he only belonged to me. He was all mine, and in many cases, he took me for his. Nights in a row, he would wrap his warm arms around my waist, and pull me close to his chest. I swear, I could almost smell him. A beautiful fresh pine smell, as if he were designed by the earth itself. In my dreams, he would hold me, kiss me, and in rare cases, even make love to me. The thought was insane, being that I was only 14, and had never even been touched by a boy before. Yet, the feeling remains so real, and so beautiful. He always cradled me, like he were protecting a precious child. I felt safe, and in a strange way, I felt as if I were reunited with a long lost soul, one that I had always longed for but never realized it. Until every night, where he met me in my dreams. And I couldn't help but wonder...

Was I in his?

Every morning came a new sadness, and an extra hard goodbye. As the summer nights flew by, I found myself sleeping more and more throughout the day. It became apparent to my family that I was lying in bed for almost three quarters of the day, only to get out of bed to occasionally eat, and use the bathroom. 

"Louie, are you feeling okay?" My mother asked me one morning. She called my Louie, lord only knows why. 

I was silent. I knew she was referring to my odd sleep schedule but the secret was still mine. I didn't want anyone to know about me and my secret lover. In a weird way, it felt more exciting to keep all this information to myself. As if I were having my own love affair, in my own little forbidden love story. Besides, how could I tell my mom? I didnt even know my mystery boy's name. 

As the summer went by, I began to feel as if my mystery boy had been a illusion this whole time. Did I really see him, standing there outside the court yard of my old junior high? Was I imagining him?

No way

Ashley had seen him too hadn't she? So he must be real! My mystery boy has been real this whole time. My heart has felt him, and longed for him. It couldn't feel those feelings for someone who never existed...right?

My summer came and gone as quick as the sun in Washington State, and it was only a few days before my first day. With every passing night, bringing me closer to my first day, every dream felt a little more like a goodbye. Truth was, that mystery boy wasn't mine, and chances are, he never would be. So every night, I cried a little harder, and sleep became significantly shorter. I was now only getting around four hours of sleep a night, anxiously waiting for my first day of high school, and the rest of the school year. I was dreading the fact that I could no longer sleep during the day in order to meet up with my mystery boy, but also excited to see if Ashley's predictions were right as they were before. Maybe my mystery boy did go to my high school, and maybe I would see him, standing there as he was the first time I saw him. Maybe he would glance my way, and smile, for after our first meeting, he dreamt of me too. I would run up, and wrap my arms so tight his neck, feeling his hot breath against my neck as he sank into me, and I would be able to parish without regret as he held me. 

Wishful thinking.

The day before school started, I finally received a call from Ann, telling me all about her summer at her christian youth camp. 

"Violet there were so many cute guys there! You would have loved it! Everyone I saw I knew you would like." She exclaimed over the phone. I laughed it off. Deep down, I knew I couldn't tell Ann about my affair with the mystery boy. She'd freak and ask too many questions; questions I didn't have answers to. I let her carry away about how she's going to miss her church family, but is excited to come home for the school year. Im ready to have Ann back. Over the summer, while I never seemed to sleep alone, every morning felt more and more lonely. now, knowing that Ann is finally a phone or text away, I feel somewhat safer. 

Safer from myself. 

"What did you do all summer?" She asked. A knot formed in my stomach as I tried to think up a quick response. 

"I read a lot." I said. I'm a terrible liar, and an even worse friend. 

"violet," She started, "I know you're lying. You don't read." 

"Well, I slept a lot too." I said, about ready to bite my tongue right off for being so sneaky around my best friend of 12 years. It was true, I did sleep a lot, but only to visit Him. I needed to change the subject and fast. 

"I missed you." I said. That was true too. Not a day during my lonely summer did I ever not think about Ann, and what she might be up to, or when she might be coming home. 

"Awe," she said. "I missed you too. Are you ready for tomorrow? Do you know what you're gonna' wear?"

Ive been so busy dreaming about a boy that may or may not know of my existence, I haven't gotten to plan out my first day outfit! 

Im disgusted with myself.

"Oh s**t, no! I haven't even went school clothes shopping. I call you tomorrow morning when I get there, I have some serious planning to do!" 

"Alright, call you later." She hung up, and I sprinted up the stairs and to my bedroom. What was I thinking? Tomorrow is my first day of high school, my first chance to maybe get some questions answered about my mystery boy, and I haven't even thought about what I'm going to wear to the occasion. I felt my stomach tighten, thinking of seeing the mystery boy, standing alone by a locker, meeting my gaze, and giving me one of his faint smiles like he does in my dreams. 

A girl can dream.

That night, I dug and dug for some decent looking clothes. It's not like I didn't have a few dollars to go and buy a new outfit, but it was already passed eight, and mom would never let me go out this late without someone going with me, and lord knows she wouldn't do it.

My mother works the night shift at the hospital Monday through Friday, so I see her on rare occasions during the school year. She was working tonight, so there was no one home to take me, and my  brother wasn't coming home till late. I was so screwed. 

I kept digging deeper and deeper into the depths of my closet, searching or a sign of hope. 

What would mystery boy like? Girly? Tom-boyish? Punk? Sporty?

How can someone you've never met affect your mind so much? How can they have such an impact? But I did meet him, over and over again I met him in my dreams. He was real to me, snd we shared something I've never shared with anyone. The only thing is, he has no idea about any of it. I had so many ideas of how I would look, smile and talk once I finally met him, but now the day has come, and I'm frozen solid, standing in the middle of my bedroom, about ready to have a panic attack. So many thoughts were racing back and forth in my head, that I suddenly felt exhausted. I felt as if I should be studying for an exam. Only my exam was on a mystery lover I had only seen once in person. I had so many questions I wanted answers for, but one of them stuck out the most. It gave me chills just thinking about it, and sent pleasure through my head. 

What was his name?