If I Tell you

If I Tell you

A Poem by sinNsincerity

Toss me all of your secrets.
Can't you tell?
I have yet to spew out
One truth to you.
Cut open my brain,
You'll never find the memories,
But I'll always remember.
Vague and distant;
Yet,
I can recall it all in an instant.
The bottomless pit!
You couldn't find God,
So you prayed your
Acceptance into my heart.
Shhh...
I won't say what you did with your lips.
How about your hips?
How about???

© 2016 sinNsincerity


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Featured Review

I got interested in the title and have some thoughts in my mind already. Somehow, the exceeded my expectation, this one I must say is short but not simple. It does not require too much thinking yet emotions are intact in the words.

"Shhh...
I won't say what you did with your lips.
How about your hips?
How about???"
This is the part where everything seemed to fall exactly the way you want it to be. The rhyme did not made it. The secret behind did. All in all, weel done. :)

Good poem for romance.

-Capolavoro

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

2 Years Ago

Shhhhhhh...



Reviews

I got interested in the title and have some thoughts in my mind already. Somehow, the exceeded my expectation, this one I must say is short but not simple. It does not require too much thinking yet emotions are intact in the words.

"Shhh...
I won't say what you did with your lips.
How about your hips?
How about???"
This is the part where everything seemed to fall exactly the way you want it to be. The rhyme did not made it. The secret behind did. All in all, weel done. :)

Good poem for romance.

-Capolavoro

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

2 Years Ago

Shhhhhhh...
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AE
I really like how everything gradually falls into place. I would say I especially liked everything from "You couldn't find God" down, but that'd be lying. I liked it all. Great work.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much AE, and I love that line, so I'm glad that it stood out to you.
Great flow. Your writing skills amazing

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

annalysiar

3 Years Ago

Oooh i think my writing does that...would you beable to tell from reading it?? If so can you read on.. read more
sinNsincerity

3 Years Ago

Sure send me the poems you would like me to read.
That's not lame, very interesting I must sa.. read more
annalysiar

3 Years Ago

Ooh fun... mytholigy is amazing. And criminology...i like to profile. I believe papers only say so m.. read more
A poetry that seems disconnected at first but as you read it more carefully, everything comes together nicely and wittily. A very nice piece of writing.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sinNsincerity

3 Years Ago

Ah, superb!
A bit hard for this older person to grasp..sorry. Valentine

Posted 3 Years Ago


Another beautiful piece, friend. I love the figurative language. It adds a taste of drama to the piece. Not sure I catch the message, but I know I will if I think a little bit. Sounds like something I would've written, at least a little bit like one, if I had the time to write a bit more these days. Great Job.

Posted 3 Years Ago


I have to admit, I had to re-read some parts to try and get a sense of it, but that is the beauty of poetry! Sometimes there isn't a clear answer (like a lot of Shakespeare's sonnets tend to have tons of mystery and a lot of questions). Though, I would watch out for the last sentence, ending with "how about??" sounds kind of unfinished. I understand the aesthetic part of the ending, but if you take out "how about??" the poem still has the same message and sounds a bit more finished. I hope that made sense and was helpful. Overall, I loved the concept and I enjoy the diction you use in your poetry, keep writing!

Posted 4 Years Ago


Reading this, it had a chilling sense of mystery to it...but overall, it was a beautiful write. I valued the sense of trust, the thought of opening yourself up (emotions & all) to another and hoping they'll accept your & your flaws with open arms. Everyone has their skeletons & secrets that which we keep within ourselves, but building trust in another takes a lot of courage. Oh, the thought of being so daring...

Posted 4 Years Ago


I will second some of the comments below. It is quite vague. Why would she not find the memories if you just claimed you will remember forever? You are contradicting yourself in the poem. Also, the fact that it embeds religion automatically makes me uninterested :) especially because I do not understand what finding God and having sex have to do with each other. You are either claiming you are equivalent to God in her eyes or that she doesnt know what the hell is going on with herself. Anyway, I do not feel the connection.
You asked me to review. Keep it up and good luck.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Somewhat vague in sections of this one...
maybe--add some detail to it in a revision...
Too many question marks to validate it.

Posted 4 Years Ago



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Added on September 8, 2016
Last Updated on September 9, 2016

Author

sinNsincerity
sinNsincerity

East Los Angeles, CA



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