Boreas's Doll

Short story

Sat lifelessly by the crooked penthouse window, I watched the snow fall to the earth and melt away, like your dreams through the cold nights - continuously drifting in vain.

In the threshold of consciousness, this winter solstice softly captivated me, the temperature dropped gradually, cool air crept in through any worn space it could find. Sparkling flakes settled around our long forgotten kingdom, the withering sunken gardens' shaded confessions were quietly filling with dusting of snow, as if it were an attempt to beautify life. 

I swept broken porcelain by the window frame and like poisonous kisses, sugary snowflakes melted on my tongue. The sky whistled to the rhythm of an ancient tune, an eloquent song of soft surrender, which, I recognised knowingly as if it were played by an old friend. 'Forget everything they told you' he whispered, I shivered. Shadowed by snow, the trees swayed gently to the sound of the whistling wind. 

My numbness receded. 

The city was hidden by ghostly grey air, every noise had drowned away, but my own mechanical purple heartbeat. Intense awareness struck me, I followed hypnotically to frozen deep hills of euphoria, they sedated me, then crashed into me like opiate blizzards. In our bittersweet escape, time and distance knew no bounds. Velvet white blankets covered all that was broken, and we were pure again. 

Enchanting illusions of Elysium, what was, and what could be, drew me into a blissful derangement. It was the hour for my last dose of poison. The twisted darkness dressed in white no longer haunted me. The snow silently stopped falling. But that vicious gaze, your frosted shard of ice, cut deeper in, to my hollow soul.

Author's Note

Any advice on structure & trying to fix the grammar

Reviews

[Prometheus]

The only advice I can see useful is organizing your thoughts into paragraphs. This seems academic advice, but your style is your style and makes your writing unique. Conformity is not art.
Along academic lines, if this is a story and not a poem, fewer similies and more metaphors.
That's my stuffy, academic advice, lol. However, my personal advice is continue writing things that suit you. A very beautiful piece full of powerful imagery accomplished through good command of language.

[Sarah]

I definitely need to do something about splitting into paragraphs, it'll neaten it out, Thanks for the (stuffy but helpful) academic advice, very much appreciated, hope you get time read it in its final stage.

[Prometheus]

I will make it a point

[PaintedBirdy]

holy f**k, again. i loved reading this. please keep writing and sharing this stuff with us!

[Sarah]

Thanks for reading :)

[¿]

I really appreciate the description of the total environment. Keeps a noticeable note at the last.

[Sarah]

Thanks for your kind words :)

[Fatima]

wow this is beautiful, there's so much detailed imagery and powerful words, i love it.

[Sarah]

Thanks :) all inspired by the snow