Goodbye Baby

To my Baby, I won't hate you even if you've caused me so much pain, I'll always forgive you. And I'm sorry if I wasn't good enough... I love you always...

                Do I have to say it another time, how love has struck me my one point to happiness? Do I have to keep saying life is unfair, that I’m so messed up, that I’m pretty much the unluckiest human being ever existed? I’m so done with clichés, the usual “It’s not you, it’s me” sort of statement that should’ve been comforting but it never is. So it’s over, and I only realized that when he took down his in a relationship status, changed his profile picture, changed his password, and posted “Alone” on his wall. I didn’t have to be naïve to not get that and when I thought acceptance would come not too soon, I had decided otherwise.

                I try not to reminisce on what has passed, or dwell in wonderful memories made. I learned to resist what would cause me much more pain than I deserve. And as much as possible, I try not to hurt myself or separate myself from the world as I’m used to do. This experience requires me to undergo so much changes in me, changes I never thought of even taking, to engage myself socially, to be positive than usual, to be less trusting. Maybe it’s my likeness on taking risks making drastic decisions, sky diving to the pits of uncertain tragedies. But there are times that I push myself too much at risk that I least expected the horror that’s coming ahead. Did I expect this break up? Of course, but I didn’t think it too soon. I didn’t expect a happy ending or a Cinderella love story come true. I know how life can be an a*s when we least expect it, but maybe I was hoping life would give me a break. That he’d lighten up a bit and give me a chance to experience lasting happiness. But that’s just too unrealistic apparently. ‘Coz even if guys make promises way down to the depths of their grave, most of them will break it, even if all you knew about him ended up to be the other way around.

                I’m not sure if I’m supposed to laugh at myself or be immensely pissed for what’s happening to me. It just still doesn’t sink in, everything. First thing you thought everything’s fine now, that he’s never going to leave you again, the next thing he walks out on you. I could think of so many girls that would take suicide if this ever happens to them. Immature, naïve, sensitive and clueless young girls who would give their all to that one guy they care about so much, resisting flirting and lying and disloyalty in whatever state, then eventually get dumped. I don’t know how to react to this seriously, it’s my first time being dumped, and as you can see by my approach to this note you may think I’m doing just fine. Well maybe I am, or maybe not. I read that love letter he wrote me after we got things patched up from our first close break up. But as any girl would just curse the guy who wrote this for them for making such bullshit promises they can’t keep, the only thing that went through my mind is goodbye. ‘Coz although I could still do so much to get him back I decided not to, ‘coz I feel like he doesn’t want this anymore, and you can’t force someone who doesn’t want something. So that was the end of it. It was a short love story but it he was the best thing I ever came to my life, and I’m not bluffing about that. He changed me, made me believe in myself, made me love myself, and for that I try as much as to understand him, to make him happy. But I guess it’s just too much for him to handle. Wherever destiny will take us, I just someday, at that moment we’ll ever meet, I hope that I’ve already moved on so I wouldn’t have to be dreaming of holding you as I’ve longed for it for so long. I still love him, and I’ll always do, even if he begins to fall for someone else. I’ll let him go, just to see him grow and be happy. And I think that’s unconditional love. As for me, I won’t be getting into commitments any time soon. I’ll be hoping the next guy would my last. And I hope and pray that we’ll all eventually reach that point of lasting happiness that we were dying to have for years.

Author's Note

My boyfriend just broke up with me, and I just thought of putting it all in writing. I still can't get over it, it's so much of a shock. And it still hurts so much.

Reviews

[Eden]

Expressing your feelings about an issue is a hundred times better than burying them up on inside and leaving them to simmer and boil. I don't know you personally madam. But I do how ever know how you feel, this poem touched my heart and my emotions went fully out to you when reading this. I wish you the best of luck, l'amour.

[Fréyjä Helvití]

Thank you so much dear for that review and understanding. I do still alone and depressed after that break up. I am mending myself, but the experience had changed me. Forgive if I must correct you that this is not a poem. But i deeply appreciate your reply to this. :)

[Eden]

Well belle, you are welcome. I hope you are successful in the mending process, it's always the worst part. :)

[Fréyjä Helvití]

It is indeed. It takes time. I do hope my torments ends soon...

[John Phoenix Hutchinson..]

Writing is a great way of venting built up emotion.....it can be like crying....but the ink is your tears.

[Fréyjä Helvití]

Indeed it is.. It helps me go through this experience...