Prologue

   "Time draws near. A child possessing a similar lineage to yours awakens in the coming days," said Queen Catherine May Cordox, speaking from her sickbed. She mouthed more words, yet only gurgling sounds emanated. She lay still, eyes darting back and forth at the high stone ceiling, gazing into nothingness as her husband of sixty years, King Alphred Humphreys Cordox, raced to her bedside.

"Love, you've awakened," said Alphred. Fat, wet tears welled in his hallowed out grey eyes, carving twin trails down the monarch's age worn face. "I thought I'd never be able to gaze into your hazel eyes again."

"Do you remember?" asked Catherine, choking out the words with great difficulty. The corners of Alprhed's lips curled into a smile. 

"How could I ever forget you?" said Alphred, stroking his wife's brown hair, streaked with grey stripes. Despite her long slumber, it felt feathery soft in Alphred's gnarled fingers. 

"That day forty years ago!" said Catherine, hissing like a snake ready to strike.

King Cordox looked to her with a vacant expression. He muttered, "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about," he said, scratching at his stubbled chin.

# # #

 "His Majesty speaks,"said Ryley, a tall, lanky knight with olive-hued skin. He leaned an ear against the ornate crimson door, leading to the King's private chamber. 

"What's he saying?" said the shorter, portly one called Brahm. His skin was the color of snow, giving him the appearance of a plump ghost standing in the dreary corridor lit only by sconces.

"I can't make it out," said Ryley, continuing to press his ear to the door. "His Majesty's not pacing around as he usually does at this time. Oh, sh--" Ryley's rapier slipped from his back as its baldric came unfastened; the gilded steel of its scabbard clanged loudly on the stone floor, echoing throughout the corridor.

"If His Majesty hears us screwing around, we'll be imprisoned--or worse," said Brahm, picking up Ryley's rapier, feeling its heft in his hand. "Back to work for us," he said, shoving the blade back to his partner. 

###

 

"Catherine, don't speak--there'll be plenty of time for that when you're well. I'll summon the healer and nurses," said Alphred, blotting the teardrops from his weathered face.

"Soon, the Marked awakens..." Catherine hissed. "Time draws near--prepare."

Alphred sat on the side of her bed, pouring water into a goblet. His hands trembled as he held the vessel to her mouth.

"I'm so sorry," said Alprhred, as Catherine hacked violently. Water spilled from her mouth down onto the bedspread. "I should have propped you up."  

"Soon, he awakens..." Catherine spoke again, her voice hoarse n. 

"What do you mean 'he awakens'?" Alphred questioned while changing Catherine's gown and bedspread.  

"You don't remember?" said Catherine with upward inflection.

"You really shouldn't try to speak now. You've been bedridden for forty years. You're much too weak to be exerting yourself."

Catherine stared back the King through unblinking, glassy eyes. She spoke again.

"You don't remember?" She repeated.

 

 ###

Brahm and Ryley traipsed down a lengthy corridor devoid of color, except for the gentle flicker of the torches. Both men wore a navy jacket, breeches, black leather boots, and gloves, necessities as the King's manor carried a permanent chill.  

"Why's this place always so cold?" Said Ryley, complaining as they reached reached the landing at the top of the stairwell, leading to the third level.

"The manor's not as cold as Jacqueline's attitude toward us," Brahm replied, grinning sheepishly, "A beautiful vixen with a s**t attitude."

"I think her problem is people--not just us. But objectifying her probably didn't help."

"I only complimented her bust size."

"Probably didn't help you."

 When they returned, Ryley put his ears to the door again. The torchlight flickered, dancing with the shadows. Brahm's shadow was a rotund spectre, stretching down the antechamber's hallway.

"His Majesty's speaking again," said Ryley in a hushed whisper. From his inner sanctum, King Cordox paced back and forth, heavy footsteps pounding the polished marble flooring. Thuds, like those of a percussive instrument, reverberated through the ornate double doors.

Ryley put his ears to the door again, eyes clenched shut in absolute concentration. "Sounds like he's talking to Catherine again," he mumbled to Brahm. 

"She's been gone for forty years or so. His Majesty's gone a bit senile," said Brahm, almost inaudible.

"He's always been an eccentric, but I wouldn't call him senile," said Ryley.

"But-there's no one else in his chamber," said Brahm, raising the volume of his gravelly voice to a near shout. His eyes widened in horror as he looked to Ryley. Brahm mouthed, "I'm sorry..."

Both men waited for King Cordox to bellow their names in anger, but their anticipation was greeted with the sound of silence. Ryley glared at Brahm with the steely gaze of a lycan, but when King Cordox began pacing and mumbling again, he let out a nervous sigh of relief.

"Listen again--what's he saying?" Said Brahm. There was a slight pause before Ryley replied, his eyebrows arched in confusion. 

"One of our kind?" He spoke softly.

"What the hell does that mean? Is he talking about an heir to the throne?"

"Not a clue. Uh--we'd best get back to work before someone catches us eavesdropping," said Ryley, his long arm pointing down the corridor.

When the men reached the landing of the stairwell, leading to the lower levels, Brahm cleared his throat to speak, "sorry back there--I acted brash."

"When aren't you?" said Ryley, grinning sheepishly. "We both need to be more careful in His Majesty's presence--my careless a*s and..."

"And my dumb a*s," said Brahm.

Author's Note

First pass of revisions. I'm trying to focus on the story as a whole right now. Does anything stand out to you?

Reviews

[Katy]

Hi! I will say I am intrigued by this, but I don't really have any feedback from this prologue, other than your question about what the target audience is?

Right now I would say teen and/or young adult. That may change as I read the rest.

As for anything standing out to me, I do think the way you shift from POV to POV is pretty smooth, but there's a lot of dialogue. That isn't a bad thing for me but it might be for others, just personal preference. I don't think you need to change how much dialogue is in this one but keep that in mind for other chapters in this? Too much dialogue right after the other might be a turn off. Then again, so is too little dialogue. Just try to find a happy balance in further drafts.

I look forward to reading the rest! The plot is interesting as any story should be.