Winds of Another Time

Photo/Dream Island

Sweet thoughts softly embrace her heart,
with murmuring winds of another time~~

 

When the sweet scent of desire
blended with dewdrops of the morn,

 

And flawless skin meant to be touched;
affectionately and not scorned…

 

When the allure of sweet perfume
mesmerized the midnight air,

 

And the heart swelling with passion,
as the moonlight dripped down her hair…

 

Sweet thoughts softly embrace her heart
with murmuring winds of another time~~

 

He enjoyed poems of free verse
but she enjoyed poems of rhyme.

 

©SyberRose

 

Author's Note

thank you for reading.

Reviews

[quinfinn]

superbly worded, this flows like warm butter over steamed broccoli, and is every bit as delicious. outstanding write!

[SyberRose]

You comments are better than my poems haa...thanks Quin

[quinfinn]

not a chance, Rose! but you are very welcome!!!

[Rocans]

I liked most of all the choice of words you use to describe your subject;they set a certain mood which recalls a fairy tail-like feel which I like.

[SyberRose]

Thank you for peeking in...appreciate your comments tonight...Rose:)

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Rose

First can I thank you for all the kindness, faith and diligence you have shown me by reading, reviewing and commenting on my novel 'Split'. I shall never forget it.

I fear one of the things which may often happen in life is that the kindnesses we pay to others are often not appreciated, returned or remembered, whilst a misdeed will be returned with greater force than the misdeed itself and neither forgotten or ever forgiven.

That I choose to review this piece is not only a token gesture of gratitude.

But more than that it is also to look again at the woman behind the words in her kind commentaries.

You will know already how I review. My reviews can be long. Sometimes they stick to a rigorous pattern (increasingly so these days) and sometimes they do not.

But consistently I always give the writer a notion of the impact their piece has had on me as a single reader.

Above all the job of a reviewer is not an end in itself, it is to help the writer and not hinder in the most constructive and balanced way.

My review.

1) Structure, rhyme and rhythm: Seven, two line stanzas.

There is a fascination about how you let these couplets rhyme.

You have to take four lines at a time (as if quatrains) to see what you are actually doing.

As you have an odd number of verses, not even, you have to skip the rhyme once and you do it at the outset.

Otherwise starting with the word 'desire' at the end of the third line, your external rhyming structure then becomes - 'abcb'

There are no internal rhymes. You seek none.

I have never seen this done before and I have read a lot of poetry. Therefore I see unique charm in the way you go about this.

As for rhythm or metre - very measured (as with the length of the lines) where the beat is almost a constant line by line. This had a mellifluousness to the poem, elegance and grace.

2) Punctuation and grammar: The whole poem is actually only one sentence. You only arrive at a full stop at the end. You punctuate otherwise throughout as you feel necessary. I like this sort of consistency. Punctuate fully or not at all. You veer towards the former.

As for grammar, forgive me for pointing out only two slips of the pen.

thought's in the first line should be thoughts. When you repeat it later, you correct it; and

poem's in the last two lines should be poems.

3) Use of English / Mode of self-expression: Although the words you use are not complex in themselves, there is nevertheless a richness to them when you step back from the poem and watch how you link them and where you place them on the page.

4) Allusion / metaphor: Perhaps it is here that the richness of which I speak becomes clear.

By way of example thoughts of times past become 'murmuring winds' and are linked with 'dewdrops of the morn'

Effective.

5) Meaning: You give no explanation in quotes or author's note, like a poem in any anthology. As I often say, the full meaning is for the writer to own and the reader to guess or failing that apply their own interpretation.

My personal take on the poem though I cannot say when and with whom can be summarised in two bullet points:

* This is about a charming love affair. You enjoy the memory yet you do not express regret; and
* In the last two lines, perhaps in metaphor, you explain, you just weren't compatible.

6) Impact and favourite lines: This poem must have an immediate impact on anyone who reads it. Love lost.

The impact on me is particularly high given that I have had four long term relationships and a myriad of shorter ones in between throughout my life.

Whilst I, like you, will cast my mind to happy times, I end up reflecting with bitterness and sadness as if that defined the whole relationship in the first place.

You neatly sidestep the regret and bitter and focus on the positive.

As for favourite lines, they all are. But I shall just pick two:

First lift:

Sweet thoughts softly embrace her heart,
with murmuring winds of another time~~

This is your refrain. You start with it and you end with it other than your fine two lines, where you deliver your final message.

Second lift:

Your envoy.

He enjoyed poem's of free verse
but she enjoyed poem's of rhyme.

Your poem clearly rhymes effectively in the world of fact. His if in reality land may not?

But as I have said above, I see in here only a metaphor for the incompatible.

7) Overview: A well written poem which I find moving and where remembrance of sweet times forever gone pervades the whole.

I hope you find this helpful

Your friend


James Hanna-Magill

[SyberRose]

Dear James,
Thank you for that fantastic review...I am happy you enjoyed the poem and honored you took the time to visit me...I will be away for the next two days but will return soon. I hope you have a pleasant weekend...Warmly,Rose
to visit...

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Rose

Have a nice time away

Your friend

James

[carol burgess romance]

he enjoyed poems of free verse
but she enjoyed poem's that rhyme......this says it all...very suttle ...I enjoyed this very much

[SyberRose]

Thank you so much Carol...glad you enjoyed...Rose