These Tears

My first Senryu for a contest....

 

These tears in my eyes

are all for you, my sweet love.

Take them and be gone.

Reviews

[The Viking]

Beautiful. Your writing reminds me of water for some reason, I don't know if it's the font you use, the words, style, probably a combination of them all, but in a way it reminds me of sparkling streams of water. A very powerful image. This is pretty, I look forward to writing more.

[Carol McCleskey]

wow that was.... short

[ELii]

Very lovely, short and sweet.

[Belinda Rice]

nice peom sort and sweet i like it i hope to see more of your writing soon...belinda

[James K. Blaylock]

one... two... POW! Great write.

[Rodwonder]

Short and bittersweet... Straight to the point like an arrow to the for head!

[KayOss]

Short and sweet. I loved this. It got your message across clearly. You got straight to the point, which is something that poets often do not do, I'm afraid to say. Everything combined to create a nice experience. The font you used, the formatting, and even the color of the font combined to create the feeling of water, which is suggestive of tears. Very well done here.

[Prose-full]

wow...i can't tell its your first..bravo..
"These tears in my eyes
are all for you"----i love this..gives a sassy feel...and i like it..

great 1st.......

be well...

[Lorna Lee]

Short and Powerful Sis, not an easy combination to master....nice job!

[Nicholas Hallows]

I like how this comes across as a cynical look at love which is in keeping with a senryu. It is very powerful. Good luck with the contest. NH

[Stan]

Makes me think of a show I just got finished watching last nighgt. The bad guy was dead, the hero won, but the girl had to go. She had to in order to complete the good that was supposed to happen for a good ending, except it was sad at the same time. Haha! She cried for the hero, but she was the one to leave. The hero didn't tell her to go. So....yeah.
Some things we don't have to be complicated with. Just say what you want to say. Those few words, if chosen well, can have so much power and influence.