Ch. 1

Hana sat alone in the garden outside the hospital. It was a cool day, and she pulled her jacket tighter around her thin body. Fall was here and soon winter would come. She enjoyed all seasons, but spring was her favorite.

She felt her heart drop a bit at the thought of spring. She longed to see the beautiful flowers and the delicate buds of leaves. But she knew that she wasn't likely to ever see them again. Her parents and doctors never talked about it in front of her, but she knew. She could tell from the snippets of conversations she caught, the way everyone looked at her so sadly, and the way they pampered her, treating her like a delicate princess.

She was going to die before the snows were gone from the land. She didn't like thinking about her end, but when she was alone in a quiet place like this, the thoughts would always creep up, unbidden. She tried never to let her sadness linger beyond these private moments. Her parents were so sad already, she wanted to do her best to reduce their pain.

Hana looked up at the sky. What would the world be like after she was gone? She knew her parents would be sad, but for how long? Would they be able to move on, or would they mourn her till they too left this world behind? Would her death mean anything to anyone besides her family? She sat back and tried to imagine how things would be.  

 Just then, a young man, one of the doctors who worked at the hospital, was walking by when he saw the young girl in the garden. She was sitting alone gazing up at the sky. For some unknown reason, he felt a strange pull toward her, as if he desperately wanted to wrap his arms around her and protect her from anything and everything. He usually didn’t feel this way about patients, so he wondered why he did with her.

Sabishii Kihaku had heard talk of a young girl her at the hospital who did not have much longer to live. He knew too that he  had the power to prevent this. But in doing so, he would have to make a blood bond. But in his heart, he felt he could never force this on anyone for fear of them falling out of love with him.

I can't just let her sit alone like this. The least I could do is keep her company. Sabishii thought to himself and slowly strode over to her.

He bowed his head and spoke, his voice barely audible. "Do you mind if I join you?" He asked her ever so sweetly. He kept his head down and waited for her response. It was his way of showing respect by not raising his head until he was spoken to.  

Hana jumped a little at the sound of the voice near her. When she looked, a young man stood looking at her with his head bowed. "Oh. Sure. I was just looking at the sky and thinking. But please, have a seat." She smiled and indicated the seat next to her.

He took a seat next to her but sat as far away as he could without seeming rude. He looked up at the sky as well, sighing to himself. What in the world do I think I am doing? He thought to himself as he let his gaze trail down towards the girl. She must know that she won't live much longer. But yet...she seems to act as if it is nothing. Maybe this is her way of dealing with it. But yet...how could anyone live like that? Then again, who am I...a vampire who doesn't drink blood...to criticize her? He continued to ponder through his thoughts completely unaware of the things going on around him.

As he sat and thought, Hana watched him out of the corner of her eye for a moment. They just sat there in silence for a while, so she decided to break it. "My name's Yasashiihana. Yasashiihana Shinme. My friends call me Hana. So what brings you out here? On a break or something?"  

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard her speaking to him. He sat up straight and put on his professional smile, his fake smile. "Yes. I am actually. I just punched out a few minutes ago. I normally come out here to be alone. I don't normally like to be around a lot of people...or blood for that matter..." His voice trailed off as he returned his gaze to the sky. What in the world am I doing? Confiding in someone that I have never even met before. And yet how can I not? It's soothing to be able to talk to someone and confide in them. And for some reason, I just seem to be so at ease around this girl.

But what about the vow that I made to myself? Could I really break that to save her life? His eyes slowly wander down to gaze into hers. And what happens after? What will she think of me? And....what will I think of myself? These ideas kept racing through his head and he forgot to mention who he was.

Eventually, he looked down and studied her face and thought about her name. Yasashiihana Shinme. A big name for such a small girl. But when he thought about the parts, it seemed to fit. Yasashii meant tender, kind, gentle, graceful and affectionate. This certainly seemed to fit her personality. It also could mean easy, plain or simple. That didn’t necessarily seem to fit her, but it was exactly how she made him feel. Totally at easy, free to speak the plain, simple truth.

Hana also had multiple meanings. It meant flower or petal, which fit her pretty but delicate appearance. But it also meant edge, tip, point or end. This definition had a sadder, more poignant connotation; being at the end of her life.

Shinme... that was sprout, shoot or bud. Hum, flower bud. He smiled ever so slightly at the thought. It described her to a T. Unfortunately, she was a bud that would never bloom.

But before he could go any further with his analysis, Hana spoke up again, her brow furrowing in confusion. “But... you’re a doctor, aren’t you? How can you not stand being around blood? What department do you work in?”

The doctor smiled a bit. “It’s not the type of blood phobia you’re probably thinking of, Hana,” he whispered, trying to speak softly so he wouldn’t let anything accidently slip. “My name is Sabishii Kihaku, by the way, and I’m more of a disease specialist. I prefer to stay away from traumas and surgeries...” He consciously stopped himself from saying more. Damn! If this keeps up, I’ll spill my secret without even realizing it. Then what would happen? he thought to himself as he slowly stood and stretched.

He looked down into her brilliant green eyes and just stood there, mesmerized by them. Why am I suddenly getting this feeling? Now of all times? And why this girl? Even against my vows and constant struggle with my thirst, forcing myself away from everyone, how can I long to be so close to someone? Even knowing full well what will happen, the most likely of outcomes... A deep rush of confusion and anguish rushed over him and he fell to his knees, burying his face in his hands.

Hana still wasn’t entirely clear on everything, but it seemed to be upsetting Dr. Kihaku, so she decided to let it go for now. Besides, she supposed it wasn’t really her place to be prying into anyway. After all, she’d only known the man for a few minutes, right?

When he stood and stared down at her, she returned the gaze, examining him as well. He seemed nice, but she could see a deep, dark secret just below the surface. It was bursting to get out, but the doctor was forcing it down. She wondered what it was, but figured it might be rude to ask.

When he dropped to his knees, Hana jumped to the front of the bench and reached out to him. “Dr. Kihaku! Are you alright?” She was used to fainting herself, but not so much seeing other people fainting, and certainly not someone as healthy looking as the doctor.

Sabishii drew back quickly from her touch and sighed as he slowly stood up. “I...I’m sorry. I’m just not used to being touched,” he whispered and dusted himself off, sighing again. “Please forgive me, Hana,” he whispered again and sat back down on the bench. He shook his head and gazed into her eyes. “There is something I need to get off my chest.... But I’m rather scared. Not only for you, but for myself as well. And for what might happen....” he trailed off.

Hana pulled her hand back and lowered her eyes as he stood back up and sat next to her again. When he spoke, she looked at him again. He seemed to be struggling with something. “It’s alright. And you can tell me anything. I promise, I won’t tell anyone. Even if I did, who’s going to believe me, the poor little girl with the weak heart? ‘She spends so much time alone, all she can do is daydream and make up stories.’” She tried to smile, but it came out more of a grimace.

Sabishii’s heart nearly tore itself in two as his mind clashed with his heart. What do I do? I’m torn between my heart and emotions and my vow and common sense. I want to help her and make her happy, but at the same time, I’m scared of hurting her and being hurt myself. What if I make the blood bond and she doesn’t love me? Or what if she stays with me for a hundred years or so out of gratitude, but then decides that she doesn’t want to stay with me anymore? I don’t know if my heart could take that.

As his heart and head battled, his body acted on its own. His hand slowly reached over and came to rest upon her cheek. Against his better judgment, he decided to tell her. “You don’t need to be alone anymore. If you wish, I will be right here beside you.” He kept his hand on her cheek lightly, fighting the urge to pull it back and walk away before he became too attached.

Hana’s first reaction was to pull away and run from this guy. She’d only known him a few minutes and here he was, acting like they had known each other for a long time. But deep inside, something told her to stay.

She reached up unconsciously and put her hand over his. “Thank you. My friends hardly ever come to see me anymore. My parents are here as much as they can be, but they both work. Plus, I think it’s hard for them to be around me. I don’t blame them, of course. I can’t believe that it would be easy to watch someone you love, especially someone young like me, die. But I don’t want to put you out. I’m used to being alone.”

Sabishii smiled a bit. “Well, I work here. So I can see you every day without too much trouble. I mean, if you would like me to. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything,” the last part was almost a whisper as his face lit with expectation. His body was shuddering with the feel of her hand on top of his.

He sighed as he leaned his head down, gazing into his lap. You idiot! What do you think you’re doing? You should get up now and leave! But if I leave her now, what will happen? I can’t bring myself to hurt her.... The battle raged on in his mind

When he asked if she wanted him to visit, she smiled. “I’d like that. Sometimes the days get so long when I’m by myself. Of course, I know your patients come first, but when you’re not busy.... Even if it’s just for a few minutes, it would be a nice distraction.”

When he looked down, Hana noticed that Sabishii was shaking. “Are you alright? Are you cold? Would you like to go inside?”

Sabishii slowly regained control of himself and shook his head, looking away from her. “N-no. I’m fine. Just....things going through my head. I’m... trying to sort everything out. And it’s complicated. My mind is telling me one thing.... but my heart is telling me another. It’s hard to make a decision but I can’t wait forever to do it.” He sighed and bit down hard on his lip, accidently drawing blood without realizing it.

Hana wasn’t entirely sure she understood Sabishii’s words, but as soon as she saw the blood beginning to drip down his lip, all of her confusion was forgotten. “Oh, Dr. Kihaku! You’re bleeding. You shouldn’t bite your lip so hard. Here,” she dug into her pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. “Hold this on it. It’ll help stop the bleeding.” She reached out to help him.

Sabishii slowly reached up and touched the blood on his lips and sighed softly. He spit the blood out into a nearby garbage can. Turning back, he smiled a little. “You can call me Sadishii. Ouch!” He flinched a little at the pain the smile caused, then allowed her to press the handkerchief to the wound.

Hana smiled and blushed a little. She wasn’t used to calling a doctor by his first name. After a couple of minutes, she pulled the handkerchief away and dabbed the little bit of blood that remained. “There, all better. Just be careful for a few days so you don’t split it open again.”

She lapsed back into silence for a minute or so, debating whether or not she should say anything. Eventually, curiosity and a desire to help won. “So... what got you so upset that you felt you had to bite through you lip? If it was something I said or did, I’m sorry.”

Sabishii shook his head. “No. It had nothing to do with you. Just a lot of things rushing through my mind in a short space of time. I’m trying to sort it all out, but it’s just.... very complicated and frustrating. I hate not knowing what to do. It makes me feel weak.” He sighed and gazed at the sky as if looking for an answer.

Hana smiled sadly and looked down. “I know what that’s like. I’ve felt that way most of my life. But my doctor, Dr. Haku... actually every doctor who’s ever examined me, has said that there’s nothing that can be done. It’s sweet that you care so much, especially since you really don’t know me. But don’t worry. I accepted a long time ago that I’m going to die. I’m not happy about it, but I can’t change my fate. Neither can you or anyone else.”

Sabishii’s heart nearly tore in two again to hear her words. He looked down at the ground as tears formed in his eyes. I know I can save her. I know I can change her fate. But how do I if it means going against everything I’ve always tried to convince myself of?

He sighed as the tears started pouring down his cheeks. He stood and quickly bowed to her. “I’m sorry,” he apologized before he turned and ran back to the hospital.

Hana reached out to grab Sabishii when he jumped up, but she wasn’t fast enough. “Wait!!! Sabishii please, don’t go! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She got up to run after him, but she wasn’t nearly fast enough. She’d been born with a weak heart, so she’d never been allowed to run and play like a normal child.

She kept running after him even though she knew there was no way she could catch him. Tears were streaming down her face. She hated that she had upset him, but it seemed that more and more, that was all she could do. Anyone who spent any amount of time with her always seemed to end up leaving feeling at least somewhat sadder than when they had arrived.

She kept calling to him, begging him to stop. As she ran, her breath came more and more ragged and her chest began to feel as if a lead anvil had been put on top of her. She knew what those feelings meant, and she knew she should stop running, but she just couldn’t. Her running soon became a desperate stagger and eventually she fell flat on her stomach, barely able to gasp the tiniest breath into her starving lungs. Sabishii. Sabishii, I’m sorry. Please don’t blame yourself for any of this. Please.... remember..... Then Hana blacked out.

Meanwhile, Sabishii had made it into the hospital, not realizing that she had been following him. He wandered blindly, looking for an empty room where he could collect his thoughts. No. I can’t let myself fall for her. Even if it means my heart will be torn apart. I don’t want to hurt her and I don’t want to hurt myself more than necessary. What if she didn’t want to become one with me? Would she ask me to kill her? I couldn’t do that. These thoughts were all racing through his head as he laid down on an empty bed and buried his head into the pillow and cried a bit.

Back outside, a nurse found Hana unconscious on the trail a short time later. They raced her back to her room and immediately hooked her up to life support. When the doctors talked to her parents later, they told them that chances were that she would never regain consciousness, and even if she did, she most likely would be at least on a respirator for the rest of her life, which would be a maximum of four months.