Chapter Two - The Scene of the Crime

     As Ben Prentice approached the driveway at the end of the suburban cul-de-sac, the blaze orange sun finally slipped from sight, leaving a lingering radiance in the western sky. More than a dozen people milled about near three city police cruisers and the single state police car whose emergency lights were still flashing red. As the ambulance that pulled unhurriedly from the driveway slowed to a stop, the EMT gave a grim half wave.

     “Where the Hell are you going? Don’t we have a shooting?” Ben asked between rolled down windows.

     “There’s nobody there that I can do anything for.” the EMT replied. “This one’s a customer for the county coroner.”

     “Okay, thanks.”

     Ben continued up the driveway and parked behind the last of the city cruisers where a couple of deputies stood by the driver’s side door. Ben didn’t recognize the taller deputy, but he knew Deputy Groff. Eric Groff was the fastest guy on the department softball team and was nicknamed accordingly.

     “Hey Wheels, what have we got?” Ben asked as he flicked on the switch of his small digital voice recorder.

     “Oh, hey Investigator Prentice. Looks like the lady was shot dead on her side porch; a Mrs. Karen Hanley. She was talking on the phone when someone shot her. Dispatch got two calls; one call came from the boyfriend. He was the one who she was talking to on the phone. The other call came from her eleven-year-old daughter who was in another room at the time. The boyfriend told dispatch he was going to drive right over right now and the little girls are sitting in that unit up there with Deputy DeWitt.” he said, pointing towards the cruiser that was parked a few cars up.

     “Mrs.? … Boyfriend?” Ben asked obviously taken aback.

     “Hey! I don’t make the news,” Wheels replied, “I just report it. These are new times, fidelity just isn't in style anymore.”

     “The little girls, they must be pretty broken up huh?”

     “The older one is a wreck, she was freakin’ out when we got here, but the E.M.T. gave her a sedative and she’s calmer now. She just rocks back and forth. She’s not saying much of anything, but the little one seems calm. I don’t think she realizes exactly what happened.”

     Ben patted Wheels on the shoulder.

     “Okay Wheels, thanks,” he said, heading up towards the cruiser where the girls were sitting.

     The petite deputy in the back of the car with the little girls was Officer Leah Dewitt. She sat next to the older girl, and was hugging her tightly and rocking her gently back and forth. The younger girl sat on the other side of her sister rubbing her back in a soothing manner.

     Ben had worked three murders and since he was really never in any hurry to deal with murder scenes, he decided to wait for his partner before he went into the house. He opened the door and bent in to talk to DeWitt.

     “How are they doing?” he asked, switching on the power to his digital recorder again.

     “We’re okay,” little Hannah said, before DeWitt could answer. “Mommy fell down and hurt herself and Lauren is sad. But I told her that Mommy would be okay.”

     Ben smiled, choked back the lump in his throat and gently caressed the little girl’s deep brown hair.

     “You are a very brave little girl to take care of your big sister like this. Where were you when your mommy fell down?”

     “I was in the kitchen doorway videotaping Mommy, I was going to make a movie and give it to Daddy. He was sad because they were yelling at each other. He said they didn’t spend any time together anymore; so I was making a video of Mommy so he can see her even when he’s at work.”

     Ben could scarce believe his ears. Was there video footage of the crime? How lucky could he get? He looked incredulously up at Officer DeWitt who was just as shocked as he was.

     “Where did you put the camera sweetie?” DeWitt asked.

     “I left it in the family room by the computer. I put it there when I went to tell Lauren that Mommy fell down.”

     Ben’s eyes locked with DeWitt’s and he nodded towards the house.

     “Hannah, honey, you hold onto Lauren, I have to go get something. I’ll be right back.” DeWitt said with a sigh before jumping from the car and hurrying into the house.

     “Police detective who’s squeamish around blood,” she muttered to herself, as she closed the cruiser door.

Ben just stared at his shoes until she was out. Then he continued talking to Hannah.

     “Did you hear any noise just before Mommy fell down honey?”

     “No, she was just talking on the phone and she fell down.”

     Ben continued to ask Hannah questions while DeWitt retrieved the video camera, which was right where Hannah said it would be. She resisted the temptation to try to play the video. Though she was pretty techno-savvy, she had no desire to be the person who accidentally deleted video footage of the crime.

     Outside, Ben paused and took a moment to ask a half a dozen uniform deputies to start a grid search of the suburban road that the side porch overlooked. About the time DeWitt came out of the front door, Ben, who was leaning into the cruiser again, felt a hand on his back. He glanced out of the back window as he backed out of the car and saw the royal blue Geo Tracker. That confirmed his suspicions. The hand belonged to his partner. Ben stroked the girl’s hair, pointed out that Deputy DeWitt was on her way back to sit with them and promised them that everything was going to be alright before closing the door and turning to his partner.

     “Hey Benny, sorry it took me so long to get here. I was picking up Dianne when I got the call. I had to drop her off at the mechanic before I came over. She had to get her car. What do we have?”

     “Don’t worry about it Paul, I only got here a few minutes before you. It appears that Mrs. Karen Hanley took one in the head while she stood on her enclosed side porch, talking to her boyfriend. I was waiting for you to get here before I went in to check it out. Shall we go in?”

     Paul Brewer, the older of the two investigators, was an extremely tall and slender wisp of a man who smelled of pipe tobacco. His mustache was bushy, and badly in need of a trim. He looked more like a hippie turned Ivy League professor than like a sheriff’s department investigator. Walking side by side toward the house, Paul and Ben could not possibly have been more mismatched. Ben was only about five-eight and built like a fireplug. His years of high school football left him with a boxer’s nose and a subtle limp.

     “I have the camera.” DeWitt called out as she approached the two.

     “Camera?” Paul asked.

     “Would you believe we might have footage of the crime?”

     “Nice!” Paul said with a smile. “Should we be looking at that first?”

     “I don’t want to accidentally delete any evidence, how ‘bout you?” Ben countered.

     “Good idea! I have trouble with E-mail, we’ll let the tech-heads do that.”

     “My sentiments exactly,” Ben said with a grin before turning to talk to DeWitt, “could you bag it and put it in my car? It’s the maroon Eclipse.”

     “Will do.” she said before veering left and cutting across the lawn towards his car.

Reviews

[VincentRayne]

I agree with Paris. The chapter is well written but I feel that there is a lack in the atmosphere that comes with most crime scenes. I should feel more of a gloomy emotion from this particular chapter, especially when they speak with Hannah. You wrote that Ben was suppressing a lump in his throat and I feel that I would have easily been able to feel that as well but unfortunately, I wasn't completely there. Now there are some positives as well, like how well the whole chapter played out. It was a smooth read and there weren't any grammar mistakes that stood out to me. I am wondering what will happen next and am eager to find out what exactly happened with Karen.

[Paul D. Aronson]

Okay, so i had to read chapter 2. You knew I would! I like this crime scene chapter. As others have said it plays out very well. I guess maybe the characterization could use a little tweaking, but you know me, I'm more focused on plot than character descriptions. I liked the interactions with the girls, that was well played too. The overall atmosphere was good, and i do like the detectives. Hopefully we will learn more about them and the late Mrs. Hanley.

[Paris France]

This chapter is well done. It’s clear you carefully plotted out the scenes so that they move smoothly and logically. However, I found you severely lacked in character description. Apart from Paul Brewer-- to whom I think you gave marvelous depth--I found you characters to be blank slates --especially in Ben’s case. I am not saying you have to stop the flow of the story to described every single character, just hint to your reader. Also, just a personal preference, I found the mood of the crime scene to be very light hearted; full of jokes, sarcasms, and nick-names. Unfortunately, with this observation in mind, your voice came across as a bit immature. Please don’t think I am being mean, I just want to be totally honest. All in all, well written and interesting.

[holly]

This chapter increases the pace. I won't make any comments about punctuation or capitalization because I'm sure that you'll clean all that up prior to publishing this. I'm not sure that Ben, as a police officer, would have been shocked by the revelation of Karen's adultery. Other than that everything is very real.

[Norma M Sutton]

Interesting Chapter. I like the descriptions of the officers. Especially the one that is built like a fireplug for some odd reason.

[Emily B]

ohhhh . . . what a damned mess. . . okay, I'm hooked :-)

[Dani California]

I can't stand it. I'm one of those readers who cannot
put the book down once I am hooked... and I am hooked!!!
But there's nowhere to go yet, I am forced to stop here..!
Noooooo!!!

You have the making of a best selling author my friend..indeed
This is great! You MUST write, finish and/or post the next chapter! lol

Pretty please. :)

[Debra Stevens Edwards (..]

Well it seems like you have the start of another good one here. I am still waiting for the end of The Trashman. An amazing piece you got me into and that was about 15 months ago. LOL. So don't leave me hanging on this one Okay.
Debby