fish story

the air around him was slick like a greasy spoon's grill

he was sniffing like a dog with a new smell

and i could tell he was hammered

twelve shots loaded, two spilt by the jukebox

and some on his shirt

spit dripping in his goatee

the fish kept getting bigger and bigger

and further away from the bank

and i was annoyed and bored

Reviews

[Frieda P]

Love that first line...and wasn't expecting the last..best fish story I ever heard/read.

[Mockingbird]

i like the incongruity of the fish getting bigger the further away from the bank they are. or am i looking at it from the wrong side of the bank. is it like the rearview mirrors on the outside. it's trippy nonetheless. i get bored and annoyed around friends who are hammered. yes. hammered.

[DaughterNature]

This is a really nice expansion on a moment, love the way you described the shots. The only word that feels out of place is "hammered." It definitely describes the character, but when you're using such awesome imagery to describe other parts of the scene, it seems a shame to fall back on this piece of slang.

[Sami Khalil]

Fish has stories as well as the imagination when drunk...:)............

[Lyn Anderson]

Okay, now this, I LOVED. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't that. Shades of "Natural Born Killers" running through my head.

[Ruth]

I do like this, you tell it from a different perspective...unique :) x

[jacob erin-cilberto]

pissing contests and exaggerated fish stories...yes, drunk at the time, but some indication of how he is in real life...because we are who we really are after a few drinks...at least that is the consensus...


you weave really good poems...you don't waste any words, and each one you use is visual and compelling.

[Linda alexander]

Some one is fully drunk, filled shots partly between his shirt and the juke box, spit dripping his goatee, and try to catch fish, and fishing became utter failure and his friend got bored and annoyed,can visualize, if it is me i would have mildly kicked him as he may forget when he is sober, how cool you narrated this fish story, enjoyed