The Honest Truth: My Struggle with Alcohol

The Honest Truth: My Struggle with Alcohol

A Poem by SmileBig :)

Spoken word poem


Every day when I wake up, I check the clock. Thinking that maybe, just maybe it’s not morning. Maybe I slept until the afternoon. Maybe I only have to stay awake for a few hours today, but it never happens. It’s always morning and the hours seem to always drag on. I take naps in the afternoon, I check the clock then too. I hope that it’s night time and I can fall back asleep without judgement, but it never is. When I go to bed after a long, dreadful day I always hope that I can actually fall asleep when I close my eyes, I hope that my thoughts won’t return, I hope for that one night when I don’t have to drink myself to sleep. But it never works that way. My entire mindset revolves around sleep. When will I close my eyes and drift off far away from the place that I’ve hated for so long, when do I get to pretend that my existence is indeed false? I forgot to mention, those times when I look at the clocks, and realize the day is passing by so slowly, the alcohol drains away my discomfort, I sit in my room at 10 in the morning and drink a vodka tonic until I feel warm enough to get through the day, I guess you could say that it’s too early to drink, but I just say its too early to be sober. It’s always too early to be sober, and I’m not bragging about it. Addiction runs in my family, and I dont know if I can yet call myself an addict but when you drink alcohol like water, and coffee becomes your second choice, you know you’re on a downward slippery slope. And that’s the honest truth. And I dont know what to do. I know I can stop if i really wanted to. But thats the thing, I dont see it as a problem. I guess that’s its own problem. 

© 2017 SmileBig :)

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When your problem becomes your friend, it's really hard to ignore its call.

Posted 6 Years Ago

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Added on July 23, 2017
Last Updated on July 23, 2017


SmileBig :)
SmileBig :)

Hi! How are you all doing? Writing, teaching, and math are my passions, if you're curious. I have so much love for math. It makes me feel alive. more..