Telephone

 

“Close your eyes,” he told her, his voice just a whisper in the silence of her room. The pale yellow phone slid between her fingers, the midnight levy hanging heavy in her cobalt eyes as she pressed her lips against the receiver. “They’re closed,” she told him. “But why?” her eyes closed still, she rolled to one side. He let out a low, comfortable sigh, that of composure. His voice like liquid bliss, he replied. “I want you to stay on the phone with me until you fall asleep.” He could see the smile on her face through the softness of her chuckle when she retorted. “Okay,” she whispered, her voice just audible, her head falling to one side. She quickly jerked herself upright, trying to cover her yawn.

“I love you,” he whispered, so silent that even the dust in the air took no notice of the words. Her eyes fluttered open, a tranquility in the water that settled there. A soft hum came from her lips. She coiled herself into a ball, there beneath the blankets, warmth coming from somewhere other than the cloth. The boy just a wire away murmured once more, this time louder. “I love you.” The girl’s eye went shut again, slowly this time. “Will you stay with me forever?” she wondered. “Yes,” the boy started to say. “Will you stay with me always?” she retorted quickly, so softly that it was almost coming from her dreams. “Eternally,” the boy replied. “I adore you.” He let out one last whisper. “I worship every lash on your beautiful eyes. I love you.” He trailed away, and silently pushed his lips to the phone, only a wire away from his basis of living.

 

The cool plastic of some electric connection rubbed against her flesh.

When she reached out customarily to take hold of the heavy, flaxen telephone in her mind, her hand floundered at the air, searching still as the wind blew onto the tips of her fingers, tossing a leaf or two at her hair. Her eyes shot open, the ginger strands of hair still tossing angrily at the skies, still waving about in the vast, empty plain of trees, standing only the girl and the telephone in her mind.

Reviews

[Duane Klinger]

Hmm. . .at a few points I was slightly confused but at the same time I found it to be exceptionally captivating. Your use of details was superb and your word choice absolutely amazing.

[Last Lying Look]

Very beautiful and soft. This poem was really quiet wonderful. Got me feeling so calm and peaceful. But I must admit I felt hurt when it said the telephone was in her mind. That made me sad. This whole poem got so many emotions going. It really was great. I've only read a couple of your poems but I can tell already that your very talented. :D

[M@]

This was really nice, and I mean it truly. It missed a lot of the critical elements a story needs, but that doesn't make it any less enjoyable nor any less remarkable of a piece of creative endevour. There's something simplistic in the way you show us (what I could assume) a personal definition of love. A simple phone call is all it takes, and the reader's heart melts (well, at least mine did, I'm a sap for romance).

I had recently read a tip from an accomplished writer which stated that you shouldn't give your characters too much character description. Recollecting on great pieces of historic fiction, I can see his point, and it's reenforced in this piece you've produced. No description is given to the characters, and you've managed to avoid it completly by taking away their bodies and leaving them with only their voices. And you still give the reader a connection to time and space by giving them bodies we can only imagine about. Truly well done.

As always, I love your word choices and the playful yet dramatic way you work sentences. An excellent short piece that's more than enough to give someone a warm fuzzy feeling inside (and who doesn't love that?).

[speakingcolors]

i really liked it, though i'm not sure i completely understand what is going on. the first half paints a really nice picture. it's sweet and tender. the second half threw me for a loop, though. maybe it's just her sub-conscious and what her mind sees in lue of what happened right before she drifted off to sleep? i'll read it again later and maybe i'll get it then.

despite my confusion, i still think it's great. i love the line "The cool plastic of some electric connection rubbed against her flesh." great job...yet again.

[Broken.]

Oh wow this is very sweet and beautiful.
If only there are guys out there like that I wonder...
Well I don't know what else to say this is amazingly beautiful....
I'm adding this to my favorites :D