Comprehension

How do I put it in words? How do I say how I feel?

            The guilt is there,      definitely. I’m starting to feel numb about it all,      remarkably. I’m still hopeful. And I think . . . that’s what I’ve come to conclude. As long as you say you’ve given up, you haven’t. For some reason this makes sense in my head. As long as you say it, you know it isn’t what you need to do. So naturally, you’re fighting against it. Right?

            But then, somewhere so firm in my body, I wonder if all of our struggles are for nothing. They do no good, they do no harm. They're only independent struggles that hardly ever affect something monumentally.

And there is my drive: to be something greater than, stronger than, better than what there is. This keeps me from giving up.