Blood Red Rose

My beautiful blood red rose,

How your thorns have enslaved thee,

How the poisoned bees invade thee,

How the soil has betrayed thee,

My sweet blood red rose.

 

My dearest blood red rose,

All the blood you have shed in vain,

Your sweet velvety petals are all stained,

By the years of your tears in pain,

My lovely blood red rose.

 

My simple blood red rose,

I should have protected you more, tried a little harder,

You have sacraficed everything for me, my own personal martyr,

You give yourself to me completely without wanting anything to barter,

My precious blood red rose.

 

My treasured blood red rose,

I suck you dry till you're withered and weak,

Yet there you stay, devoted inside my chest that's so bleak,

I'm torn to make you stay but without you I'm incomplete,

My gentle blood red rose.

 

My beloved blood red rose,

When you scream out my body trembles in agony,

If there's a way to save you just ask of me,

But I'm afraid our death is the only way to set you free,

My own blood red rose.

Author's Note

Just a work in progress, but want to know if I should keep or toss.

Reviews

[Katherine Hall]

Keep, and keep revising!
I love the music in this poem, but it gets a little overwrought in some places (lots of the same language used over and over: cold, bleak, pain, agony, etc.). Great music, great rhythm, but perhaps a little bit long. I think pruning this poem (no pun intended) by a few lines, or even a few stanzas, will actually strengthen it and give it more punch, more impact. Like roses, some excellent poetry need to be cut back to their very roots to flourish the best :)

[Fanciful Goddess]

OOOPS SORRY! I ACCEDENTLY PUSHED THE RATING BUTTON A LIL LOWER THAN WHAT I WAS GONNA GIVE YOU..SORRY..PLEASE FORGIVE ME!

[Fanciful Goddess]

I love it!!!! whats wrong with it to you vintagehottie? You should deffenatly keep it.! I should kick ur butt for thinking of throwing it away or add anything.its beautiful!!

[Ama May Cooper]

A very sentimental piece exploring the depths of a heart and the pain love often enases people in . be very proud of this piece for it is beautiful