A Fight with Imagination

An explanation about my stories. Why they're so messed up sometimes, why I constantly write about certain characters, why I am so strange. :D Enjoy.

Oh my gosh, leave my brain alone!

As I’m sitting here quietly chatting with a couple friends on msn, a voice in my head is yelling at me. My characters, or at least a couple of them, have taken up residence in my mind. I know, it sounds lunatic but when you’re a dedicated writer, you tend to grow attached to your own characters. They eventually take over your thoughts with story ideas. This was the case now.

For nearly three years, I had an ever changing, ever expanding group of characters boiling in my head. Ideas came and went; characters came and went along with strange situations. For half a year, use of these characters stopped altogether until one boring night, HE was created. HE was, as I soon realized, probably the closest thing to love I would ever come to. His name was, and is, Matt. Full name, Matthew Shawn Radcliffe. He was originally created as a background character, a filler. Caleb’s younger brother who, although he partied, drank, smoked and gave himself a s****y reputation, had a heart and truly loved his older brother. In more ways than one, I was Matt. Maybe that’s why I created such a strong bond with this particular character. Maybe that’s why he took control of my mind so easily. Either way, he was always on my mind, always using his damn charm to get me to write about him. Damn him. I could always hear him laughing when I’d say that. He always gets such joy when I get mad at him.

Dumbass.

And yet, as mad as I get at him.... he still makes me smile.

[That’s because you love me.]

Shut up!!!

He’s taken nearly complete control. He speaks his mind and gives me story ideas... like this one.

About him.

Completely.

Making me sound like the perfect candidate to inhabit the padded room of the nearest asylum.

Thinking back, I can remember when he was brought into this world. I had been writing his older brother’s story and needed a filler character.

'Random brother named... Matt. Yes! Matt’s a good name. Perfect for a filler character!'

Soon, he showed his face in more stories until a situation involving him needed to be described more thoroughly. That’s when he began working his magic on me.

And he hasn’t stopped since.

Nowadays it’s nothing but arguments. Not all bad, mind you. We get along great! He just doesn’t know when to shut his mouth.

Now, why all this random writing? Pffft, you tell me and we’ll both know! He insisted I write about him. He shoved every other idea, every other character in the closet and made his voice heard. No wonder I have a headache. I could hear him yelling ideas and laughing about my slight frustration as if he were right in the room with me. I could hear footsteps and the clink of a beer bottle being sat next to others on a table as if he were doing so right behind me. Gives me the willies. At night, I can always hear him next to me, breathing heavily and snoring.

He’s so damn loud.

He’s not the only one, but he’s certainly the loudest. I’ve done my best so far to satisfy his conceit.... for now.

 Rei’s another loud one, although, not as loud as Matt.

Rei often, or rather... permanently lives in my constant thoughts. He and Matt are roommates in my brain. I can’t go a minute without thinking would Rei do what I’m doing right now?! How would he do it?

Rei was created on a wiki roleplay on elftown. I was intrigued with him and the awful, brief history I had given him and with urging from friends, I had a story about him going. Needless to say, I connected with Rei instantly. Ironic how he and Matt are the ones I argue with more than any other character... and they get along with each other great!

It’s a conspiracy against me.

Rei met Matt in Caleb’s story and since then, my brain’s gone to hell. No wonder I had so many anxiety breakdowns around the time I created them.

[Hey, she’s talking about us!]

[Yea, when she’s only supposed to be talking about me!]

I hate when people interrupt.

And his conceitedness takes over once again. I can feel his eyes staring at me, urging me to write about him more...  and it’s working. But, I can’t stop. As much as I want to, I can’t.

I really am starting to believe it’s his goal to make me sound insane. And, I also believe.... it’s working. I need to stop before this gets any worse and he makes me say something I’ll regret.

                [No! You can’t stop!! You’re just getting to the good stuff!]

                'Oh shut up for once you conceited...'

See?

The inner workings of my mind are so messed up... it’s amazing my brain hasn’t exploded.

Until it does, I suppose I’ll just keep fighting the fight with my imagination. 

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems, please. I know I have troubles with it and I'm currently teaching myself to revise/edit grammar. :D Thanks.