The Fall

The Fall

Hey there, pretty face!

I know there have been a lot of things to say

You might think I'm crazy or insane

For who would even try this hard?

Well, there are fools and then there are romantic fools

I just so happen to belong to the second sort

Hopeless, not really hopeless

You are my bright, inner mind

You knock sense into me when it's needed

Like how someone knocks an arrow in a bow

It's just that the arrow does not leave, and you too will not

They say people fall into tricks and traps like love and all

Little do they know, 'twas that year's fall

That I couldn't help but fall for you

Not the little tricks and traps people talk about

But for your grace, wit, charm and soul

So, let me ask you- "Will you stay?"

If you don't, well there's nothing I can say

But let me get this straight,

I'm there for you whenever you need me

I won't leave you for any reason

Be it hot or cold, sick or health

For that matter, any season

I'll be there for you 

Times might change, just like the wind

The feelings might seem subtle

Deep and ripe, they will become with time

The last leaf might fall, but my love will not

For, let me make this clear

This is not an option, it is the only truth

I'll be there no matter what you choose

You're the one thing I'd never want to lose

Author's Note

This is the first time I'm writing a poem without rhyme. I'd really want to know your thoughts on this piece. Thanks in advance.

Reviews

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Eh lil' slice of affection tipped with some metaphors. Oh sorry that was a summary not a critique let me try again. There's nothing that really stands out or uplifting nor that emotional. Now a part that I could be a bit of an arse for is: Like how someone knocks an arrow in a bow It's just that the arrow does not leave, and you too will not. Following things are mostly nitpicks but whatevs. First is the comparison you made, a nice comparison mind, that is followed by a pretty needless line in which you are basically saying: it's like that thing except for this and this, which kinda ruins the impact of the comparison. Now the other thing about it is that you say that she won't leave but in few other occasions you ask her whether she'll leave. No I don't have anything better to do than write overlong comments on other peoples' works. Now that I've said everything negative I could think of about this poem let me say that it's ok and did have feelings spread trough it though with a bit stronger metaphors,comparisons and a bit more rhyming,as somebody below recommended, it could go from ok to good or pretty good and make those feelings leave a bigger impact on us . Oh and don't take these reviews of mine too hard they are meant to be extremely negative so that the person could improve their writing as much as possible after each poem/story rather than to offend that person or make them feel bad.

[Sage]

Thanks for taking the time and effort to go through it. The not leaving and asking not to leave were two complete situations and contexts. I could have made it rhyme a bit more, but this is the first and only (as of now) verse that I wrote without rhyme. Thanks again for reading! I'll try to improve on the other aspects.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

I hope you will and I'll check your other poems as well.

[Nigel Newman]

Sage Hi. You sent a friend request, and over the last few visits to WC I've looked at several of your poems. I like this one best, and I think it's precisely because you 'freed' yourself from the demands of rhyme. The words seem to me to be more meaningful.

I'm not against rhyme or meter - take a look at lots of mine and you'd see that. But it can force you into awkward corners sometimes. So, I like this for the depth you've been able to put into it. I also like the way you come back to the question in the final verse - it helps the poem come to a close.

[Sage]

Hi Nigel. I wrote this down after you suggested me to write a verse that does not need me to comb for the tune and rhyme, and I must admit I did a good job on thins. It exceeded my expectations. I'm glad you found it read-worthy.

[Nigel Newman]

Always a very personal subjective thing - who likes what etc. I enter pictures into judged contests at my local camera club, and am regularly staggered by things the judges say about other people's pictures. Sometimes they highly praise things I wouldn't rate at all, and sometimes they are very dismissive of things that really catch my eye. It's obviously just the same with writing. Good luck as you continue to probe styles and your own preferences and strengths.

[Sage]

Thanks, I've noticed that too. It all boils down to the perspectives we have, eh? I'll continue to work on it more!

[Willard Wells]

Beautiful work, but don't let love get in the way of your education. :) Yes it is a romantics words so well expressed with flow and imagery. Nicely done.

[Sage]

Yes sir, I've taken it in my heart to not let love get in way of my education. I appreciate your concern! Thanks for reading and finding it good.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Has a little bit of rhyme in it still.
As I said poems are better with rhymes, doesn't mean there s**t without them though, the rhyming soes not make the whole poem. the meaning behind the poem does.
I still loved this you are a true romantic you think with your heart, it shows in this piece.
I told you im a sucker for romance stuff, this poem is truly beautiful.
So much depth and emotion, You are a great writer don't sell yourself short Mr Sage keep writing boy, because writing is beautiful, especially when its as good as yours.

[Sage]

Wow miss, you do know how to flatter a person, don't you? I will keep this in mind! Thanks :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

HAHA just being truthful :P
your very much welcome anytime :)

[Emily]

Great first line!
Well done!!

[Sage]

Haha Thanks!

[Great Aunt Astri]

I think you have 'mirrored' a lot of peoples feelings here. It reminds me of when I was young! Enjoyable read

[Sage]

I'm glad I did remind you of your past! Thank you

[Daisy Ackerman]

I like the style, and I don't know if this was intentional, but the rhyme at the end really brought it together, sort of like in Langston Hughes' "Theme for English B."

[Sage]

I must admit, I have no clue what you are talking about. I'll definitely take a look at that, thanks.

[zunie frost]

Your poem still taste beautiful without rhymes ! Thanks for sharing such a lovely wrhte

[Sage]

Thank you Zunie! Thanks for reading and appreciating it.

[zunie frost]

You are very welcome

[TheMalady]

Hey, this is great! Without rhyming, I could still hear the ringing tune akin to a song. I like the similes in here and very creative as usual. Great poem! :)

[Sage]

Thanks! :)

[TheMalady]

You're welcome :)

[Brad P]

I think you did very well. Poems aren't really meant to be critiqued. They are meant for expression of one's self: their views, beliefs, emotions, etc.

[Sage]

Thank you. Even though poems might not be meant to be critiqued, one can form a general impression based on how much feeling is conveyed to the reader. I believe even though a poem is a way of expression for the poet, it acts as a mirror. The readers can form their own perspectives based on the experiences they've had.