Chapter 9 (Rewrite)

Jade rejoins Erk, and works together with an enemy to uncover the secrets of the Rat's Nest, in the longest chapter yet!

The behemoth seethed, it’s bulk, shivering with anticipation. It exhaled, and a steaming globule of saliva plunged in front of me. It steamed, and slowly corroded the ground it landed on. From the bubbling detritus, new stalks of crystalline lattice budded out of the ooze.

I looked up at the quivering creature, and it’s tubular proboscis bolted out from somewhere behind it’s maw. Sidestepping, barely, the displaced wind of its attack rushed at my face. I stumbled backward, back against a power block as the tentacle groped at thin air. 

I turned my head, facing the nightmarish creature, and it lurched toward me. A burst of plasmic energy stung at its peripheral, distracting it’s attention to the second jumper springing overhead. I took the queue to bolt into a narrow space between two power blocks. The monster noticed, however, quickly launching four tentacles which broke concrete with a force that crumpled concrete. 

I had barely escaped, and sidling through the small space, I glanced back to see that the monster had repositioned to look down the narrow trench for me. It’s compound eyes, shaped like rough gemstones. It’s tentacles slithered in, and I wasted no time pushing my way out to the corridor on the other side.

Looking back the way I’d come, I noted the monster surging left. I looked to my own left, sensing the creature would round the corner in search of me, and instead I took to the narrow trench across from the one I had just fled.

Slipping away in the same fashion, I looked back at the monster as it creeped to look through the new path. Forcing my way through, I felt the power blocks creak, vibrating with the weight of the behemoth climbing overtop.

I looked up at the creature revealing it’s maw while dangling two tentacles into the space.

Panic took over, as I shrunk down, trying to duck low in the cramped space as it attempted at scooping me out with its serpentine appendages. On the next attempt I reflexively slashed out with the graphene dagger, slicing off the extremity of the appendage. The monster recoiled with a shriek, bolting out of sight.

I scuttled to the edge of the narrow juncture, and peeked out cautiously. No sign of any crystalline nightmares, I climbed out into the wider corridor, and bolted toward the centre of the crater. Passing several rows of blocks, I stopped at another wide chasm, looking left and then right at the nearest catwalks. 

At the right, one of  the heavily armed stalkers waved and called out, “Jade!” It wasn’t one of the jumpers, it was one of the remaining four who followed behind on foot.

I waved back, cupping my hands to my face, ready to call for help. But before the words left my mouth, several tentacles shot out from the recession of power blocks beneath. The behemoth lurched upward, grabbing onto the catwalk with either of its front legs, and dragging it down to where the jaws could consume its occupant with a lone chomp.

Taking the queue to run, I scrambled over another mess of cables. My eyes locked to the monster at my right, I struggled to scurry over the heap, constantly wary of the creature’s rotating stare. Haphazardly somersaulting, and tumbling off of the trench of thick wires, I got to my feet and ran into the next section of power block maze.

Too exposed, I jumped into another corridor between two rows of blocks, and pushed out of yet another narrow space. Adrenaline forcing me to push myself into a sprint, despite my exhaustion, I looked around needing a desperate solution.

My eyes stopped on one of the kinetic dampeners being fed by the power blocks. Its eisel shape, with a square dish pointed toward the centre of the crater. I slowed to a trot, and then stopped completely. An idea was forming. I traced the cables leading up to a raised platform where the dampener sat.

Overcharge the dampener. The idea could work. No, it would work, I realized, as I recalled the moments of the early night, when Erk fried the much smaller dampener at the tech den. I considered how at this scale, the exposed energy would be too much for the behemoth to resist. The crystalline lattice-hive had after all, been leeching off of the latent powerblock energy for who knows how long. It would be drawn to the high energy source, but then, just like at the tech den, the fried dampener would explode.

I hoped, it would explode. If Erk could do it with a graphene dagger, I should have been able to do it too.

Looking left, I caught the edge of a tentacle slithering slowly into the power block alley. “Too soon,” I whisper, and ran toward a length of cable hanging off of the dampener’s platform. Tugging it, I exhaled and pulled myself up, shimmying by fractional increments.

The slithering mass seethed, hissing with its bass growl. I looked over my shoulder, to see it lurching toward me. My heart beat into my chest, and reverberated through the bottom of my neck. I kept on, not able to pick up the pace any more than I had. Steadily pulling myself higher.

The ledge rapped against my knuckles with a ping, and I turned my attention away from the monster maneuvering beneath me. Pulling myself over the edge, I was able to get both elbows onto the platform. Almost there, I thought, pushing myself off of the grated floor.

But then a tug at my boot, and I was back on my elbows. I looked through the grating to sight a tentacle slithering around my boot.

“No!” I cried, tears welling into the corners of my eyes.

“Watch out!” A baritone shout pulled my attention back to the platform, where the second jumper was touching down, priming his plasmic rifle to fire a burst of several rounds into the tentacle.

The monster screamed with a high decibel gurgle that echoed like a rockslide of shattered glass. It recoiled in pain.

“Grab hold.” The jumper offered the hand that was holding the undercarriage of the gun. I took it gladly, and he hoisted me onto the platform with a strained grunt. “If I jump us out of here, it might grab us,” he spoke to me through gritted teeth, and staring from behind a reflective combat visor.

“We can overload the dampener,” I offered a solution, turning the latch to the access panel, and sliding it open. “Just keep it back for a few seconds.”

“Sure thing,” the jumper spun back to the creature. I looked over my shoulder just in time to catch him blasting another creeping tentacle with the flash of his gun. But it was a short lived victory, another tentacle had creeped over the edge, and dragged him down.

Trying best as I could to ignore his gurgled screams, I stared at the cube-shaped battery of the dampener. Thinking fast, I pulled off one of the contact wires, and the rigged map contraption on my wrist. Tossing the map device onto the battery, I then crossed the contact wires, which began to release a spray of sparks.

Squinting to make sure my plan was working, I examined the melting casing of the active mapping unit, and exhaled. Turning back to face the writhing monster below, I watched for a few moments, as its attention turned to the exposed guts of the kinetic dampener.

Making a quick move away from the access panel, I stepped back while the creature clawed up. The monster twisted the platform with its weight, throwing me off balance with a less than graceful thud on the floor below.

I groaned, and looked up at the creature hanging off of the rupturing dampener, turning its attention back to me. “F**k!” I yelled, “Seriously! Eat that juicy exposed wire you f*****g jerk!” Cursing, uncharacteristically out loud.

Leveling the Carbex, a hopeless nine millimetre against the crystalline behemoth, I swallowed, and made an attempt at remaining calm. My finger tightened around the trigger, trembling. I watched with resigned patience. Not more than a second could have passed, but it seemed like forever before the dampener pulsed with a sudden burst of energy, knocking the monster off balance by a fraction, I lowered the weapon. It’s working, I realized, responding to the familiar energized pulse I had seen at the tech den.

The creature’s attention twisted upward to the dampener, and it climbed up, looming above the sparking access panel on its haunches. It folded the external steel panels away with ease, sinking into the energized machine. Another pulse.

Run.

Spinning on my heels, I kicked off against slippery pavement. Struggling with the first two lunges, I soon broke into a gallop as a third pulse, and then a fourth burst out at ever shorter intervals. Just like the tech den, I thought. 

Running down the corridor toward the centre of the crater, I was met with crystalline larvae and beetles. They crawled out of the patchwork of powerblock, summoned by the rapidly pulsing release of energy. Then, one pulse released a major shockwave that flung me forward on my stomach, followed by a vacuumous drag that pulled my body back down the open corridor. I grabbed a loose cable, and looked back at the dampener as I was pulled into, held in place only by the taut cable. Behind me, the dampener buckled with singularity force. 

The behemoth was still alive, trying to find ways at gorging on the energy as it released in ever more creative ways. Whatever attractive force was sucking me in, lifted all loose debris and minor crystalline creatures into its event horizon.

And then, dreamlike and as if out of nowhere, a jetbike flew overhead, high above the maelstrom. A blue-grey figure peered down, standing upright on the pedals. The sleek bike nose dived, peeling toward me before pulling up. The rider’s white hair whipped up as he leaned over the side of the bike, stretched out his hand, reaching for me. 

Erk, my mind crumbled, relieved that he was safe. I reached out, and his iron grip grabbed my wrist. He fell forward on the throttle, and we zipped down the corridor.

Then, the suction stopped. Everything around us collapsed on the ground. Silence echoed around the whirring jetbike’s engine, and then, a sudden explosion propelled everything outward with excessive force.

I lost my grip, and all sight of Erk as I collapsed into the gusty carnage.

Disoriented, I tumbled down the corridor, pelted by tiny debris. Tumbling, until I was able to claw my way behind an anchored power block, taking cover from the open corridor. I wrapped myself in a fetal position, and looked through the crack of my arms at the deluge of dust and metallic shrapnel that rocketed past in the corridor.

I closed my eyes.

That figure draped in shadows stood at the foot of my bed, and the glint of gunmetal shimmered in the light as he left me there. I felt alone, and tired, and drifted off once more.

When I came to, it was still dark. The curtain to my right had been drawn, and there was someone there sitting beside me.

Eyes burned when I blinked. My sight, too blurry to make clear sense of my surroundings. I strained to resolve the image of the person who sat beside me. Blinking several times, the blur cleared. It was mom, sitting at my side, like the guardian warden she was.

“No,” my lips trembled, when I realized that that was not quite the case.

Mom was there, but she wasn’t quite sitting.

“Hi sweety,” her voice cracked. She ran fingers, shakily through my hair, and I realized I could hear again.

“Mom,” I started, propping myself on my elbow to see the woman sitting beside me in a wheelchair. Her face was grey, her blond hair dishevelled, and the whites of her eyes bloodshot. Tracing her with my gaze, she looked frail, and thin. “What’s wong with you?” I asked with a childish slur.

“I’ll be alright,” her voice cracked, as she broke into a cough.

My attention turned to a tall silhouette, standing in shadow at the doorway. “Who’s theahe?” I lisped toward the figure.

The dark form leaned in, but I could not make out his face, which remained concealed in shadow.

“Well, Jade,” mom’s voice gurgled. “This is your grandfather. He’s going to watch over you for a little while.”

The dark face leaned closer, and caught a corner of light. The man was elderly, with an orange hue of skin, and green eyes like mine, and my father’s.

“But I wanna stay with you.” Tears trickled down my cheeks, I wasn’t sure who this man really was, but I had never seen anyone like him before. How could he be my grandfather.

“I need to stay a little longer, to get better, sweety.”

“But, but,” I sniveled, wiping away snot from my nose. “What about Ewk?” My concern shifted, and the man looked confusedly at my mother.

“Erik?” The man spoke in a rough voice. “Your father?”

My mother chuckled, and gasped for air before continuing. “No, Erk. A baby kaval boy that your son brought home the night… this all happened. He’s named Erk.”

“Erk?” The male voice said. With the question, the room began to bubble, evaporating into nothingness. The voice echoed one more time. “Where is Erk?”

I blinked myself to groggy consciousness, at someone kicking my leg. “Huh?” I struggled to gain focus on someone hunched over me.

“I said,” a familiarly youthful voice bellowed. “Where is Erk?”

I rubbed the back of my gloves to my eyes, wiping the sleep away. Blinking once more, I opened my eyes to see Finnic crouched over in front of me, kneeling on his helmet.

Reviews

[Wathanya.5KY3]

This was a really long and good chapter. I can feel myself wandering inside the ship with Jade and her companions, but I'm so curious about what got to Erk. Was it a Kaval ship? Why did Erk gravitate toward the orb so strongly, to the point that he loses himself at times? I guess I'll have to read the next chapter (the last one!) to find out. I feel like Jade's father's backstory will also be included since it will be in Erk's POV.

I've been a little unwell these past few days; still am. So I don't think I have the energy to point out technical mistakes as usual. Though, in this chapter, they're mostly obvious ones, like odd capitalization or misplaced phrases that occur when one is struck by inspiration, which you'll easily catch during your edit. The less obvious ones are dialogue punctuation which you seem to haven't mastered yet. That one's a steep learning curve, so take your time.

The ending paragraph of this chapter is superb, by the way; it gave me the chills. There were also a bunch of action scenes, which were great, as always. One tiny thing: in the scene that Erk attacks Hadley, I feel like the word "the Kaval" is a little overused; you've used "Erk" many times in that paragraph, so I understand the urge to use something else. I think something like "the attacker" or "the assailant" would work too, but this is just a stylistic comment.

I'll read your next chapter once I get back on my feet.

[JT Godin]

I think there are some plot twists coming up in the following chapter that you won't be expecting. But, I decided to gloss over some things while writing these two chapters that I've since decided are leaving the situation a bit too vague -- even with both the lengthiness of the last two chapters, and revelation from plot twists in mind, there are a few things that I didn't write in and I feel I need to spell out a little more. Also considering your edit of the previous chapter, and how you noticed the story got kind of uninteresting after the fight with Rickter, I've decided to do a few changes, that shouldn't interrupt with what you've read so far.

I'm going to slash out the end of Chapter 8, and cut Chapter 9 into two, with an Erk POV chapter in between. The current Chapter 10 is indeed an Erk POV chapter as one would expect, and it includes plot twists, revelations, but also a few dead ends. At the same time, there are some hints about Jade's father that I left in previous chapters with the intention of expanding on, but I just completely glossed over them due to the length of these last two chapters.

If you manage to finish the last chapter before I post my reworking of Chapter 8 and 9, the only one you'd really need to read is the new Chapter 10. The second half of the current Chapter 9 will become Chapter 11, and Chapter 10 will become Chapter 12.

Also, I was gonna hold onto this, but I've already written a Chapter 13. It is more or less a short epilogue that hints where the plot of the second book is going to go. Also, I think you're going to enjoy the writing in that chapter... I had a fit of inspiration after reading the first chapter to Escapology by Ren Warom the night earlier, and then ended up waking up and writing the whole thing in just a couple of hours. Quite frankly, I fu**ing the flow of it, and it's kind of making me rethink the opening to this entire story (which I've already revised quite a bit, since my last update).

In any case, thanks for your review. Thanks also for commenting about my use of 'The Kaval'. It felt weird to write. A little too impersonal for this character that we've gotten to know so well. I will have to dwell on that coming up to my edit -- I suppose I was hoping it would flow as easily as saying 'the boy', in that instance, as if talking about a human analogue. But... it doesn't. Lulz.

Thanks yet again, and get better soon.

[Wathanya.5KY3]

I think cutting this chapter into two is a good idea, but this is coming from a person with a short attention span whose word-count-per-chapter is limited to 1500-2000 words. Some novelists like longer chapters (3000-5000 words), and some books don't even have chapters.

Haha I like it when people vomit out a chapter from a fit of inspiration that keep them up at night. I bet the very first draft is full of small typos that one tend to ignore because the inspiration could be gone any minute.

If you decide to give the beginning a new flow, I'd volunteer to read it. In my first book, I wrote an entirely new prologue (3rd person) and pushed the original one to the start of chapter 1, then I changed it from 3rd person to 1st person, and then it underwent heavy editing to the point that no one would know the final product had started from a kinky sex scene.

Thank you. I hope I'm feeling a bit better today, but not enough to give editorial comments to a whole chapter of a children's book let alone science fiction. I've finished reading chapter 10, and I'll post a review in a few minutes.

[Wathanya.5KY3]

Oh, and one thing I forgot to mention: Erk. Since Erk was overcome by non-human instincts to the point that he lost himself, maybe "the beast" or, in my writing style, "the brother-turned-stranger/beast" would work too.