Seeking the meaning of life in writing

I seek to give life a meaning, and therefore I choose to start writing as a hobby. I've never written anything before other than school essays.

Why am I.                                                        04/11/2018

I don’t know what anything means anymore. life has lost all meaning to me, and I no longer know what I want. I shift constantly between different versions of the meaning of life. I seek meaning in a loving and healthy relationship with another person. I seek meaning in a career that I might enjoy, something to do with computers perhaps. Video games provide a nice relaxing pass-time and help provide a feeling of success. I want to be more social and make more valuable friends. I want to enjoy every minute of life. 

My relationship has lost its meaning to me, and no longer gives life meaning. I cant decide what type of career I want, and while everyone I know has a clear idea, I have changed my mind countless times. My family is torn apart and all I have is my mother, but I’m not complaining, because I love her very much. Video-games no longer entertain me as much as they used to, because they serve no purpose to improve my life. I missed many opportunities in the past to form friendships, and I’m trying to form them now but it feels too late. I get this constant feeling that I’m wasting every minute of my life, and it feels like a terrible pressure in the center of my chest.

I like to give people advice. Whenever someone has a problem, I always have a solution. I used to be depressed years ago, and when I came out of it I felt like I could conquer the world. I spent many nights awake contemplating what life meant, and I was sure I had the answer. When the time came that I had to help someone else who was depressed, I had felt empathy deeper than ever before. I had been in their shoes and I knew the way out of the dark maze of depression that they found themselves in. Life has no clear meaning, and we are tasked with the duty to assign it with one. Life will always be worth living no matter what the circumstances. One good day is worth enduring a thousand bad days. There is meaning in creating art, because you bring something unique into the world. There is meaning in good experiences with loved ones, because nothing can compare to that type of bliss. Personally, my reason to live was my girlfriend. She is my first girlfriend, and we have been together for two and a half years. Making her happy became my life goal, and it lead to self-improvement. I began searching for something I could turn into a career later. I started to exercise and eat much healthier. I lost 15kg of fat and I have never felt better.

I write this now having found myself back in the deep maize of depression, and I no longer have the path to the exit memorized. I can no longer sleep longer than 5 hours. I no longer go to the gym as frequently. I’m eating unhealthy again. My girlfriend is in college on another country and she’ll be back in three months, but I’m not excited.

This piece of text is my first attempt at something new. I’ve tried painting, software engineering, sport, digital art, advanced mathematics, physics, and more. I’ve considered careers in all these fields and writing is another to add to the list. I  didn’t know what to write, so I just wrote what I am currently feeling.

Author's Note

This is my very first attempt at writing and it has no clear direction, so review this with low expectations. Advice is very welcome because I enjoy typing, I just do not know what to write about yet.

Reviews

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I like your last sentence I don't know what to write.I think this is common thing for all writers here . That's why most of them write about banality in no creative way. What you can do just write and write without thinking or desire to say,something. It will appear itself. Don't be afraid to write stupid things in amusing way. I think your writing just follow your own experiences which is good for you. But don't be afraid to made up few new ones in your head . Go deeper into your mind and you will find how magical creature you are. On the first attempt is was good but next time make something more then goid. Cause here is so many good writings .