Rantings of a Drunk

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"One more."
I grunt to my own empty glass as I down the burning amber liquid in a swift movement.
"You have drank enough already, Albert."
It doesn't seem nearly enough.
I look up and instead of the dark-brown eyes of the young waitress, I see yours'. Your yellowed eyes. Your pale face. Your shaking hands. Your confused look. Your white robes. The white bed. The white sheets. The white walls and decoration. The frames where our smiling faces lie. My troubling tears. Your troubled memories and health.
You don't recognize me, I understand with a sigh. I know it and yet, I can't help it. I grab your hand - hard - and you look at me in disbelief.
Who are you? What have you done with the one I love? Why don't you recognize me? Why? You're not the one I love anymore, why can't I get over it? Why is my love so great, when in a mere moment it seems to vanish like a gush of wind, as if it never existed before?
"Give me another."

"Albert."
"Woman. Just give me the f*****g drink already."
My tone is harsh, cold and I don't give a freaking s**t. I just want to forget. Your games. Your smiles. Your kindness. Your hatred. Your love. Your sickness. Just down it all like a burning glass of whisky and be done with it. I smile to myself as if I'm alone, as if I have something to laugh off. Only the shameful me right now is a matter of laughter. How sad...
Never thought I would end up here. A sad drunk in an empty bar at seven am.
I laugh again, this time louder. Some faces turn towards me. There's pity in the air. I can smell it. I'm the cause of it. She would scold me if she saw me right now. She hated when I drank. But then again, she is gone now. She won't return. She won't scold me anymore. She won't slap me. She won't smile at me anymore.
The waitress places the glass in front of me. I grab it. I'm gonna drink it all. But then... I stop. There is a knot inside my throat and I don't know how to undo it. She is gone and I'm still here. Her voice echos inside my head.
Hey, little star, did you have a good day?
I feel myself shiver. She is not real. I open my eyes, not even knowing they were closed, and she's there. A bit smaller than me. Dark short wavy hair with beautiful curls in the end in a simple plain silhouette. Eyes as green as a beautiful dark moss atop a small rock in the middle of a forest. She is nurturing and simple as nature itself, like a flower that was plucked too soon, like a river which a dam dared stop, a tree a man decided to take to himself. She was simply beautiful.
"Damn it, what right...!?"
What right had them to take you away from me!? What a selfish god... I hadn't been ready then. Wasn't ready now. I downed the glass in my hands and signaled for another. It wasn't fair. Her pale face, got even paler before my very own two eyes. Her bones started showing as the flesh left her arms, legs and belly. Her beautiful green gaze dimmed into a dull grayish shade of white. Are you still there?
Another glass was now in front me, but this time I couldn't see it. Was it full? Was it empty? Were you there? Were you gone? Probably the later. Yet, when I look up I see you so clearly and a deep sickness strikes my hearth. Such a sudden longing that I'm left stricken. My tears won't stop. I'm broken. I won't ever be whole again. I know it. I feel it. I want you back, so damn much. I take a small sip this time.
"Why did you go before me?"
The waitress is looking at me with sympathy. I don't need it tho. I only need you. I have other people in my life. I like them. But I love you. I need you. I need you and you're gone. You won't come back. Why won't you? I know why but I can't help my tears and stupid hopes. I know they are fake. But these days only lies make me happier. You won't see me again. Your eyes are somewhere else. You might be laughing right now somewhere else completely different. I am sad. Utterly destroyed. I'm drunk and I know I'm making zero sense.
I just know two things: I want you back and...
"Another glass please."

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