Confessions

I didn't think it would come to this. I didn't think I would become like you. I was afraid and I was bothered. I wanted to feel what they felt in the movies. When you said you loved me more than I did, I wanted to say it back meaningfully and I did, but it wasn't true. I felt fake with you, I felt evil and despicable, for believing you loved me more than I loved you. I hated myself and I felt like ending it all. But your ever so sweet love was intoxicating and suffocating and I couldn't breathe, and as time went on I started not wanting to... not without you.

They say love sometimes comes in a flash of light and all of a sudden you love that person more than even yourself. I never believed it and after meeting you I'm more certain than ever that it is not true. I wouldn't have fallen for you at first sight, I know it sounds harsh but it is true. I wouldn't, not because you're not handsome or kind, but because you are so much more than that. You are all the little things that make you - you - and that is what I love about you.

I love you for the way you smile shyly when I compliment you, for the way your forehead wrinkles when you're focusing on something, for the smile that graces your lips when we walk hand in hand, for the way we can never sit at a table without touching each others hands, for the way you kiss me goodbye at night as if you don't want me to go to sleep and leave you, for the way you wake me up in the morning with a lazy smile and for the way you taste my lips each moment as if you didn't just do it a moment ago.

There are so many little things that make my love for you and none of them came in a flash, none came like a lightning bolt. They appeared softly and snaked their way sneakily inside my heart and my mind until I couldn't wake up without thinking of you, couldn't breathe without missing you, couldn't leave the house without the urge to run to you, couldn't fall asleep without wishing to lie down next to you.

I didn't think it would come to this. But I am now like you, loving you more than you love me. It seems like fate played a trick on me and now when you say you love me more I don't believe it. Your infinite love has become a lie cause there is now one love bigger than yours. Mine. I have no idea if you believe me now as I believed you before and I don't dare to dabble on it.

For I now love you so much that I don't think I could bear to let you leave.