Island - Fixed

One scene left to go for the first part of the story. I need to know thngs to change. This is due tomorrow.

Island �" Jesse Purvis

 

We walked along the beach, hand in hand. Behind us the moon hung low in the sky providing enough natural lighting that there was no need for a flash light. The sand underneath our feet crunched as we walked to a yet undefined destination. Sounds of waves crashing against the shore filled the silence that we absently indulged ourselves in.

            “This seems like as good of a place as any,” breaking the silence, her sudden stop putting us in an awkward position with me a good two steps ahead and our hands still connected.

            I turned around to face her, not breaking the connection. A smirk formed at the corner of my lips, “Couldn’t you have given me a little heads up before you stopped? Or do you like to see me look stupid?” Sweeping my arms across my body, “I think you severely underestimate what it takes to look this cool.”

            “No Hun, I understand how much it takes for you to pull it off,” a wide grin now spread across her face.

 “But you are right. There is Beach ahead of us, and beach behind us. It might as well be here.” Dropping my shoulders I let the backpack that I had been carrying for the last couple of miles slide off and onto the ground; Sand splintered at the impact. I dropped to my knees and emptied its contents. Inside were a green air mattress, its electric pump, a light cotton blanket, and a couple of thick beach towels. I hooked up the electric pump, and after making sure the air mattress was inflating got back to my feet.

“Look at you, Mr. Handyman.”

“What can I say? I try.”

“This was a good Idea, don’t ya think?” her eyes softening as she walked over to where I stood beside the blob that would soon become our bed, and wrapped her arms around me. She looked up, meeting my eyes, “Aren’t you glad I thought of it?”

“Wasn’t this my idea?”

“Your idea. My Idea. Same difference.”  She replied as she brought her face closer to mine. Before our lips could meet she pulled away, making a start for the water, yelling back, “Aren’t you coming?”

I jumped up, quickly following after. By the time I reached the edge of the shore she was already knee deep in water. The bottom of the sun dress she had chosen to wear now clung tight against her body. Her hands were lowered into the water, palms facing me.

“Not another move mister,” a mock seriousness to her voice, “you know I will do it.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh? I wouldn’t?”

“OK. Maybe you would. Actually you are probably going to do it no matter what.”

“Bingo,” water already being pushed towards me, soaking my t-shirt and khakis.

I jumped to the water, ready to retaliate. “You’re going to regret that Sophie Ashford,” I said as I began to splash.

 

 

The beach towels were now wrapped around us as we lay on the air mattress looking up towards the sky. Behind us the few house lights that had been on when we arrived were now off making the stars easier to see.

“Watcha thinking?” Sophie asked, getting up and trading our towels for the blanket that still lay on the ground beside the backpack.

“Nothing really,” putting my arm around Sophie as she lay back down, “Just making my own constellations.”

“Really? Point one out.”

“Well that one,” motioning towards a group of stars that were directly above us,” I named Bowser. I think it kind of looks like a Turtle, and Bowser is the only famous turtle name I know.”

“You are a weird one Llexiton.” She continued to look at the constellation, “I disagree though. I think it looks more like Abu from Aladdin.”

“And I am the weird one?”

“Yep but I never said that I wasn’t a little bit weird myself.”

“I guess you’re right,” My eyes getting heavier with every word, “Let’s get some sleep though. We need to be out of here early if we want to avoid the beach patrol.”

“Alright,” Sophie agreed, leaning over and kissing my cheek, “Goodnight. I love you, Llexton.”

“I love you too, Soph,” letting myself relax and drift off.

 

 

It felt like I had only been asleep for a few minutes before I was awoken by a loud screeching noise. I wondered aimlessly at its origins, keeping my eyes closed, eager to resume sleep; that eagerness not lasting long.

“Llexton,” Sophie screamed, “Wake up.”

I pushed myself up, finally opening my eyes, nearly falling off of the air mattress into water. Water? I made a quick three sixty, this time making sure to keep a firm grip on the inflatable bed, realizing that we were surrounded by the salty liquid of the ocean; no land in sight. We went up and down as we floated over unbroken waves. Above us the sky had changed from its normal purple tint, to green; the moon directly above us. “What’s going on? What was that sound?”  I nearly screamed, frantic.

“I don’t know Llexton,” her words eerie in the vast openness. She moved closer to me and put my arm around her, “But the sound was the wind. It woke me up to this. How can this be happening? How are we in the middle of the ocean? What’s up with the sky, I have never seen anything like that before.”

Sophie seemed calmer than Llexton felt. He didn’t have an answer to any of the questions that Sophie asked. What was going on? None of this seemed like it could be real. I tightened my arms around her, “I don’t know. I just don’t know.”

We floated on for what seemed like hours with no change forthcoming. The moon stayed directly above us, with dawn nowhere in sight. Eventually Sophie fell asleep. I decided that there was nothing else I could do, and decided to get some rest myself. Sleep came surprisingly fast.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

            

Reviews

[Katie]

Ooo some intrigue. This is shaping up to be a VERY intersting story. I look forward to reading the rest of it (assuming you post it).
I find it odd that they went to sleep, but only because I would be in hyper panic mode. This is very well done. I didn't see many problems in the way of technicals (at least other than what I said the last time, although it looks like you fixed most of them). Excellent work!

Only One Technical:

Watcha thinking?
should be
What'cha
or
Wat'cha.
Basucally there just needs to be a ' before the cha part :P

You should check out my guest lecture on Description for a few pointers on that if you get the chance. You can find it here:
http://www.writerscafe.org/courses/Lessons-In-Basic-English/880/Lesson-Three%3A-Description/896/

[Maurice]

I, too, would like to see more of this story.

[Ghost]

Oh damn! Lost at sea? Drama. Lol. I'm interested. Keep going!

[Miss unknown]

hm.... I do find this story rather interesting; however, it will be great if you add more description of where they are.. I would love to know more about the setting. :) very well done though!