Many a Time a Man's Mouth Broke His Nose

And so it begins or whatever.

 I would've been angrier about my broken nose if I hadn't gotten that git in a choke hold.

 His bigger friend had a right hook like a freight train, though. It sure as hell knocked me on my a*s. I hit my head on a stool and became well acquainted with the floor. The big fella picked me up off the floor and proceeded to hold me out for the smaller guy to get some licks in.

 “This’ll teach you, you paddy b*****d,” he said before he laid into my ribs, of which weren’t exactly in good condition as is.

 Grabbing my face he says, “Pucker up, buttercup,” immediately followed up by a right hook to my jaw.

 I waited till the ringing stopped, then looked up at him and asked with a big bloodied grin, "Do I still look pretty?"

 The little guy gave the big man a nod and he took me outside, dropped me like a ton of’ bricks outside the bar entrance into the cold winter’s night. My face stings from both the impact of hitting the ground and the frostbite from going into the snow.

 With a cocky strut, little man walked outta the fine establishment. I wished it was to keep me company in the cold, but sin é an saol.

 “I know it’s typical of your kind to be incapable of reading, but I consider myself a man of higher expectations." he said.

 The big fella walked up behind his miniature mate.

 "Let me spell it out for you, potato brain: No! Irish! Allowed! Get it?” the kind not-so-gentle giant said with a whistle to his voice.

 Generously given to him by me knocking one of his front teeth outta his thick skull. I'd gloat about it more, but his payback for that was... let's just say he firmly believed in "an eye for an eye." Or, at least in this case, tooth for a spleen.

 I spit up the blood that’d been building up and wiped the corner of my mouth. Keeping eye contact with the gobshites, before breaking the serious tension with a bit of snickering.

 “And what exactly is so funny, mick?” asked the wee man, aggravation to his voice.

 “I’m sorry, I know it’s rude of me, but um... your friend there seems to be missing a toof.” I said before I completely fell out, rolling in the snow and hugging my belly.

 I watched the snow’s color turn from golden to a deep blue as they slammed the door. I was left a lone laughing Lafferty. Lacking all semblance of simple sanity.

 With the adrenaline, and laughing fit, fading, I noticed just how cold it was. The snow wasn’t up to my knees or anything, but 'twas one of those nights where the snowfall was light, but the breeze froze you to the bone. My tattered clothes weren’t doing me any favors either, so I made my way to Nessa’s. Her library was about two blocks away.

 While making my way, though, I had the sneaking suspicion that I was being watched. You know the feeling, the one you get when you walk through your house late at night, making your way up the stairs and you just sense a collection of eyes on you from...anywhere...everywhere.

 I tried my damndest to brush it off. I was in below freezing weather and I thought my brain probably just bounced around in my skull one too many times. Besides, I could see Nessa’s right up the street. But I couldn’t shake the feeling. If anything, it only got stronger. To the point where I was sure that someone was following me- no, hunting me. My hands got all sweaty and my eyes darted across the desolate street from building to building. Desperation consumed me to the point where I looked for any way out. With every street lamp I walked under I looked for a shadow next to mine to see if they were getting closer, but I saw nothing. I was completely alone. But I wasn't; someone was there. I slowly increased my speed, trying not to make it obvious I knew I was being followed, but trying to get the f**k out of the situation as quickly as I could. My pursuer might as well've been walking by my side, that’s how close they felt. I tried to calm myself down before I started hyperventilating. Not too loud, but focusing on in-the-nose/out-the-mouth breathing. The lamp hanging above the door to Nessa's library felt like a beacon of hope and it was just within my reach.

 "No matter what, don’t turn around," I thought to myself, "Don’t turn around. It’s right there, just reach out and- oh, this feels familiar."

 It felt like a cannon ball smashed into the back of my head. My face hit the snow first, sliding across the icy concrete, followed by my lower half slinking down after the momentum died to a stop. I started to get up to clean myself off before I could get the chance to regain feeling in my... everything, but am abruptly interrupted by what felt like a baby elephant dropping down onto my back. Not only knocking me back down to the ground, but shattering my spine.

 I wanted to let out an agony-fueled bellow that would echo throughout the streets, but I was incapable of letting out but a wheeze as I coiled up in pain. What felt like would be my final moments of anguish was cut short by a pair of girl’s red dress shoes landing inches away from my face.

 “Honestly, I almost wanted to let you get closer, but went on my better judgement.” squeaked the devilishly chipper spine-snapper.