Your Soul Was a Clearance Item

Your soul is a
store-bought metaphor
quivering atop your diaphragm

It's still sticky with

anonymous fingerprints

and spilled liquids
from the bottom of the barrel

But all in all it was a good deal
so you got an extra set
and stuffed them in your pockets

And when this one breaks down
and breaks off into whatever black hole

has disposed of its predecessors

You'll have your backup plan
from the clearance bin
to keep you out of trouble

Reviews

[Jesse F Hayes]

I like this one. I think I read it the other night. (honestly, I was so tired, I forgot which ones I read besides The Wreckage [which should be a song])

My only little bit of CC is that the last stanza needs a comma, or to be broken apart. I was taught in school (oh, so many moons ago) that when reading a poem, you read it according to the punctuation, so you don't insult the piece by trying to give it that silly, Seuss-like melody. But... that's the only thing I could find. Glow job!

[Laura E. Aranda]

Clever........The title is intriguing. I think you could make it longer! Cheers to you and all your work, Lea

[Adrian K. Smith]

This one was a mixed bag of sorts for me. The first stanza grabbed me. The second pulled me along. The third began to lose me though, and the fourth left me to wobble a bit. The final started to pull back, but it almost ended a bit weak. Hrmmm, this is reading far harsher than I would intend.

It was mainly the "set/them" that threw me in the third. The break in agreement triggered the grammar police that I normally keep silent (I really, really do prefer to focus on what is being said rather than how it is being said). The fourth seemed to state that the loss of soul really has no meaning, and the last line of the last summed it up as if it were just trouble. Ugh, nitpicking, it may seem... and my gut is twisting at what may seem a negative review; but to be honest, I would not have bothered writing anything if it were not a mixed bag... I would have just pretended I had not read it.

[Legion]

Love the title. Drew me in. The poem was great too. Very in your face. Like it.

[Marina]

This was good.
Great Job,

Keep Writing!

XxStaySweet,
Rina.

[S. Georgia]

I'm not good at criticism but I really like this. It has a certain rhythm to it.

I especially like the lines;
"It's still sticky with
anonymous fingerprints
and spilled liquids
from the bottom of the barrel"

Keep up the great work!

~S*