Pickled Scenery

https://youtu.be/wKGwG5DWaPY

A huge Alsatian barks at a passerby stranger
as the pond geese honk sensing grave danger
Trudges back home a rangy lone ranger.

Big and little aubergines cast a purple shade
In the twilight birdsong begins to fade
Night makes navy-blue of the greenery's jade.

Wolves howl in the distance
Panthers prowl near pig pens
Ocelots growl around the dens.

Dolphins perform in the aquatic circus
Kids count on the time-old abacus
All in all the miracle of creation's fabulous

Elsewhere the morn dawns upon wee ladybirds
And shepherds go about grazing their hungry herds.

A rare sight of starfishes settle upon beach pebbles
Pink salmon in a see-through lake breath out bubbles
Bombed by tech; corpses found in debris and rubbles!

Wild species lurk in the murky forest
Stands tall and hovering high mount Everest
A chance to enjoy nature at its very best!

Admit it O' mankind no one can ever be
at par with your and my versatile Creator
The billions of species is far too extraordinary
He single-handedly created all that variety in nature.

For even the smart human who invented the radio
did not as well model the computer.
The one who designed my dresser couldn't design my patio
It'd be rare for a shoemaker to also be a tutor  

But God He made both ant and elephant
and there's absolutely nothing that He can't.

Author's Note

Zoom click on side topmost pic to view close up up close

Reviews

[JE Falcon]

'tis so true. The fingernail on a newborn baby always grabs me. --- thanks!

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Thanks soo much for a thought-provoking great comment,

[keith]

passerby stranger
Night makes navy-blue of the greenery's jade.
time-old abacus
creation's fabulous

just so many great/inventive use of twisting language
well done ... an enjoyable read that gave great pause for reflection

kool so very kool!

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Thanks soo much for cool super feedback poet!

[Lydia Shutter]

All creatures big and small touched upon in this well written poem. The rhyming is superb and your spirituality comes through loud and clear. From the oceans to the deserts to the forests. Indeed, it is difficult not to believe there is a greater power than man. Good one. Lydi**

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Aw, my warmest thanks for your bright heart-warming thoughts on this poem, im so glad you are of those who acknowledged God. Take care😇🌷

[Fabian G. Franklin]

It may be rare for a shoemaker to be a tutor but a carpenter was once the greatest teacher the world has ever known. But that wasn't just rare, it was singular. I enjoyed the read from start to finish and it's clear a lot of thought went into it. I appreciate the perspective of the author as well. Fine work.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Oh yeah you must be meaning Jesus, but i said rare not impossible, Jesus was a rare case indeed. read moreOh yeah you must be meaning Jesus, but i said rare not impossible, Jesus was a rare case indeed.
Thanks soo much for lofty great thoughts on this.

[Perdition]

Well without going into the context but rather the poetry I would say you've got a handle on something here "Night makes navy-blue of the greenery's jade."...something in that line speaks to me a fan of Neruda and that speaks volumes poet. As to who put it there well another discussion for another site. This is rich in something that sings of poetry. Something that reaches over the wall of prose and tangles into the welcome walk of poetry and you need faith ..It is why I use the handle of Perdition which speaks to most poets in understanding that poetry is a living hell. The most wonderful of gifts in seeing what is there that most cannot but that is what makes it the gift so rare. We are granted by way of constant commitment or transcendence perhaps. But like Bukowski suggested, " Don't Try" and "Go all the way or not at all". Unfortunately, that means a lot of sleepless nights.if not the muse at three am or straight insomnia...lol. I enjoyed reading this and your praise of the wild is good. Leave a little room for us the viruses as well might be my only criticism ...and here I said " not going into the context"...well, I tried but it's been another sleepless night overtop the pages so apologies" It's claiming w.out claiming; your poetry that is. Well done and a pleasure to read. Thank you for the suggestion

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Hii, glad i was online so i could reply you faster.
I have heard of famous Neruda but haven't read him so it feels nice if a line reminds of his style, i guess all poets share some poetic elements with each other or the greats.
And yes like you put it so brilliantly poetry makes people see what many can't see and more.
Thanks soo much for that eloquent comment poet! May you have no perdition though.

[Perdition]

But it's the only way through? lol. And take some time, read the man!! Smiles. Suggestions too numerous but "Sonnet XVII or Every day You Play, Lovely One" or Pick up a copy of "The Captain's Verses" by Pablo Neruda and leave it by the nightstand. you won't be disappointed. A pleasure !!

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Yes of course i will read him, he's not a famous poet for nothing, there's reason why he's one of the greats. Thanks and regards,

[John the Baptist]

A sweeping picture of nature here, accompanied by a spiritual message. Despite mankind's considerable abilities, it is not the highest power in the universe.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

I like how you phrased your comment so eloquently with truth yay thanks soo much for your fine thoughts on this, indeed God is the Highest power.

[Ursa major]

I love the description and you make the poem sound sophisticated but yet simple.
I dig it!!!! great work

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Warmest thanks for your lovely cool feedback, i do aim for simple but try my best it shouldn't be boring.

[Ursa major]

and it wasn't boring at all! the longevity it gives to the poem makes it flow.

[Jon Mahaffie]

I think the third stanza here is your best, its very colorful, auditory, and evocative. And this was a fun read, your appreciation/love for the creator absolutely comes through here.

I do think there are places where fewer words could be used, rather than more, or at least some of the adjectives could be spruced up a little bit if you wanted to keep them. In the fourth line, "big and little" come to mind. "wee" in the thirteenth line. "hungry" in the fourteenth (we already know they were hungry if they're grazing). "rare" in the fifteenth. The presentation of the image, in the setting its in, should ideally show the reader enough to fill in the detail gaps themself, and so sometimes more descriptions do not provide more benefit. Just a minor nitpick though :) In the seventh stanza, I think some extra punctuation is needed, and check for that noun-verb agreement (in the first stanza as well). The seventeenth line seems to be at odds with the rest of the poem, corpses lying in rubble after being bombed (fairly grim), in comparison with positive descriptions of beautiful things. All in all, thanks for the recommendation/request, I was happy to read it!

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Hi poet, im glad you liked my 3rd stanza it is my fav too so i was wishing someoneelse liked it too since most seemed to notice the other stanzas.
Thanks soo much for your time writing me this constructive criticism and fone review, i think this time I actually get it well, that my poem gets too wordy, thing is i want my poem understood by non english people and so i paraphrase and explain away a lot more detail.
And yeah my punctual is never perfect but english being a second language for me i never really know what's exactly wrong with it unless each error is pointed out.
And yeah the rubble line is a bit odd .
Thanks much again.

[Jon Mahaffie]

"i want my poem understood by non english people and so i paraphrase and explain away a lot more detail" That is very good to know and makes a lot of sense! There are probably far more languages spoken more commonly where you live than there are where I live :)

I work as a speech and language therapist in the public schools as a job, if you're curious about the specifics of the grammar/want me to point it out, I could do that for you, and if you're fine with the grammar in your poem as it is now, that's totally cool too. What ultimately matters is that the poem was beautiful and fun to read!

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Gosh i read my replies was autocorrected so instead of fine it wrote fone and punctual instead of punctuation ah.
I think it would be a bother to correct all my punctuation so unless you have free extra time you may just skip the hard work. Thanks and cheers,

[Shelley Warner]

That was a creative glimpse at the varieties of life within creation. I had to look up the word aubergine to find that it is an eggplant. Hence your response to my story "Eggplant Puzzle". :) I like your triplet rhyming scheme.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Ah, yes i wrote this poem years ago on many other sites, yeah nice coincidence that u wrote of eggplants. Im glad you noticed my triplet rhyming scheme.
Warmest thanks for lovely comment. Take care,

[Shelley Warner]

You take care too

[Sami Khalil]

I felt I was journeying in a wonderful Safari, praising God for all those creations; variety for us to enjoy and live with. I'm so glad you appreciate His Handiwork.
An excellent poem.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Thanks soo much poet Sami for the super comment!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome 😊.