One | Beginning

Chapter 1. Constructive criticism, please. :3

One

"I'm sorry, Gavin," Charlotte began. "but it just can't work." Gavin couldn't believe Charlotte was saying it. She was breaking up with him.    
     "Charlotte," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. "why can't it work? We've been together for three months."     
     "I can't handle this emotional stress you're unloading on me," she said. "And I'm not trying to be mean, Gav, but you're tagged as a p***y."     
     Gavin sighed. "Just because I can't handle stuff emotionally," he began, trying to fight back his tears at her words, but losing the battle. "doesn't make me a p***y, Charlotte!"      
     "You're crying again!" she shouted, standing up from the bench they were sitting on. She had taken him to the park on a beautiful autumn day. "It's getting humiliating and annoying, Gavin!"
     "I can't help who I am!" Gavin shouted back, standing up as well. "I'm going through a lot of stuff right now!"      
     "Just call me when you get your act together," Charlotte said sternly, zipping up her jacket. "Goodbye, Gavin."     
     "Charlotte, hold on!" Gavin cried, taking her hand, not caring that he was making a scene in the middle of a public park. "I can't make it without you!"     
     "Oh, shut up!" she shouted, taking her hand back and punching his shoulder. He stumbled back and fell back on the bench. "You really ARE a p***y. Screw what I said before, don't bother calling me ever again."      
     With that, Charlotte flipped her hair behind her shoulder and stalked off.      
     Gavin's heart was beating so fast he thought he was going to have a heart attack. He thought she was different. That was what she'd made herself out to be those few months ago when he met her.      
     "Paper bag..." he said to himself as he felt his throat hurting and his breathing accelerate painfully. "Paper bag...!" He pulled one out of his pocket--he was supposed to carry them everywhere--and began breathing into it. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.      
     Eventually, he was breathing normally. But he didn't feel better. Charlotte was his whole life, and now his life had been taken away from him. He shakily stood up and began his long walk home. 

"I'm home," Gavin said halfheartedly when he walked in the front door. He kicked his shoes off and heard shouting in the kitchen, muffled because the door was closed. Gavin felt angry. His parents were always fighting about every single detail. Gavin stood in front of that door and pounded on it with all of his might.      
     "Enough already!" he screamed. Silence came from behind the door, until he heard his mother.     
     "See what you do, Harold?" she said sternly. "See what happens when you start fights like this?"     
     "I didn't start this fight, Cheryl!" Gavin's father shouted. "You were the one who started screaming at me that I was having an affair!"     
     "Oh, so now this whole thing is directed back at me, is that it?!" Cheryl shouted. "So sorry that I love you and want to make sure you still love me!"    
     "You're full of s**t, Cheryl," Harold said, banging his fist on the kitchen table.         "You know what I think---?!" Cheryl began.     
     "For Christ's sake, STOP!" Gavin shouted, shoving open the kitchen door. Without noticing, tears leaked from his eyes.     
     "I've had it with your constant fighting over stupid s**t that doesn't matter!" he shouted. "You want me to clear it up so it stops? Dad's having an affair with his receptionist, and Mom has a thing for her boss! It's all out in the open, stop arguing about it! I'm THIS CLOSE to shoving scissors in my ears! God DAMN it!" Gavin turned, punched the kitchen wall as hard as he could, furiously wiped his eyes, and ran out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and down the hall to his bathroom, slamming and locking the door.      
     He turned the shower on full blast, as cold as it could go, took his phone and iPod out of his pockets, set them on the counter, and sat under the water, not bothering to take his clothes off.
     "I hate you people!" he was screaming. "I hate you!" He knew they couldn't hear him because of the shower, but he was hoping they could. He felt a bubbling frustration in his chest that wouldn't go away. He was still crying.     
     By the time it felt like an hour rolled by, Gavin turned off the shower. There was a soft knock on the bathroom door.     
     "Gavin, honey?" his mother said on the other side. "Can I talk to you?"     
     Gavin still felt that bubbling feeling in his chest. He responded by plugging the tub and turning on the faucet, again making the water as cold as it could be. He took his iPod Touch and stuck it in the radio that was in there, blasting a hard rock song that he knew his mother hated.      
     As soon as the tub was filled, Gavin undressed, literally throwing his clothes on the bathroom floor.      
     He looked at himself in the mirror and studied his own face. Hair, white because of the years of stress. Tired grey eyes. A face that shows no recent traces of a smile. Pale skin, but not a trace of a blemish or crater ever being on his face. His bangs were almost covering his eyes.      
     He stared into that mirror, placing his hand on the cold glass.     
     "Who are you?" Gavin quietly asked himself. He looked away, he didn't want to see any more. 

Gavin had been sitting in the cold water for what felt like a long time. His skin was wrinkly, his teeth were chattering, and he figured his lips had turned blue, yet still he sat in the tub, hearing nothing but silence except the splish and splash of the water  around him when he moved.      
     "I'm sorry I couldn't be perfect," he whispered out loud, thinking of Charlotte once again. "I can't be as perfect as you want me to be."     
     Gavin felt the tears coming again. The bubbling frustration in his chest was gone and replaced with grief.      
     "I'm not a p***y," he whispered, standing and getting out of the tub. "I know I'm not, I've been through a lot of crap on my life." He furiously shook his head, water being thrown all around the bathroom. Grabbing a towel, he quickly dried himself off and put his clothes back on, ignoring that they were still damp. He left the towel on the floor, picked up his phone from the counter, took his iPod out of the radio and opened the bathroom door, turning off the light as he walked out.      
     His mother was leaning against the wall next to the threshold dressed in her white robe and matching slippers.     
     "You're still here?" he asked his mother, actually a bit surprised that she had waited for him.
     Cheryl straightened, folded her hands, and she said, "I'm sorry, Gav. Your father and I both are sorry."     
     "For fighting? Or the separate love interests?" Gavin asked spitefully.     
     "Both, Gavin," his mother said, sighing and letting her hands fall to her sides. "We love you, Gav, you do know that, right?" He didn't answer.      
     "Gavin, did something happen today?" Cheryl asked, now suspicious. "I know that attitude."
     Gavin looked his mother in the eye and said, "Charlotte broke up with me because I'm a so-called p***y. That's it."
     "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry," Cheryl said, sounding sincere. She was being honest, Gavin knew. His mother cared about him a lot, and she also really liked Charlotte.
     Cheryl held her arms out and took a step forward to hug her son, but Gavin pushed her arms away and took a step back. Not looking into his mother's eyes, he said, "I'm going to bed." He began walking down the hall to his room.     
     "Don't you want me to make you some dinner?" Cheryl asked, following Gavin.      "No," he replied, walking into his room and closing the door behind him, locking it. 

"I'm worried about him, Harold," Cheryl said to her husband, who was laying in bed with his pillow over his head. "His depression is getting worse."     
     "And how do you know that?" Harold grumbled to his wife, who was staring out of their bedroom window.      
     "Charlotte broke up with him today," Cheryl said. "Gavin really liked Charlotte."
     "Tell him there'll be other girls," Harold suggested, sitting up and setting his pillow on his wife's side of the bed. "I never liked that Charlotte. She seemed like a hoe-bag to me."     
     "Harold," Cheryl said sternly, turning around and glaring at her husband. "She was a nice girl, don't talk about her like that." Harold sighed and laid back down.      "If he gets worse," he began. "then we'll do something about it. It's been going on long enough."      
     "And our constant fighting doesn't help much," Cheryl said, walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed. "What if we send Gavin to another therapist?"     
     "Those damn people don't know what they're doing," Harold said gruffly. "That boy's gone through three already. We can't afford to send him to another one."     
     "There's always the school counselor."     
     "He'll never go, we tried that plan already."     
     "What do you suggest we do then?" Cheryl asked, turning around to look at her husband.     
     "Pray," he said. "just like when we prayed that we'd have a son."

• • •

Gavin woke up with a start, his heart racing. He had the dream again where he was going to kill himself.      
     The dream was always the same. He was standing on a cliff overlooking a great sea. It was storming. He was standing at the edge, staring below at sharp jagged rocks. And behind him would be people he knew telling him to jump.      
     This time, there was only one person--Charlotte. Charlotte was telling him to kill himself.      
     Gavin wasn't aware he was crying until he reached for the tissue box on his nightstand to blow his nose. He angrily picked it up and chucked it at his bedroom door. The time was almost five thirty. He never woke up that early on a Sunday.      
     His mind wandered back to his dream. How real it seemed. Like it had actually happened, and it was an actual memory instead of a dream fragment.      
     Gavin wiped his eyes and got out of bed, heading for the bathroom. Once there, the light on and the door closed, he stared at himself in the mirror. He suddenly remembered himself as a little kid. He had blonde hair back then, not pure white like it was now. His face had color. His eyes weren't so tired looking. He loved to laugh and smile.      
     Where did that go?     
     Gavin felt again the bubbling anger and frustration in his chest. He clenched his fists.     
     "Where did it go?" he asked aloud through clenched teeth. "Where the hell did it all go?!" His voice was getting louder and louder. "Tell me, d****t!"     
     He raised his fist and everything was a blur until he heard glass break and felt a burning pain in his knuckles. In a rage he had punched the mirror where his face was reflected. He slowly removed his hand, wincing, as he took a step back. Shards of the mirror were on the floor, counter, and in the sink.
     Gavin sobbed aloud, falling to his knees, tipping over onto his side. He curled up into a fetal position and just laid there until his mother found him later that morning, mirror shards everywhere and his knuckles bleeding. 

"You had that dream again, didn't you?" Cheryl asked Gavin. She had seated him at the kitchen table and had cleaned and bandaged his knuckles.      
     Gavin nodded, not looking at his mother's face. "Charlotte was telling me to jump this time."
     "And did you jump?" Cheryl asked softly, her hand on his injured one.      
     "I wish I would have," he replied. "I was kind of...surprised when I woke up, mom."      
     "Honey," Cheryl began. "there are so many people here who don't want you to jump."     
     "Like who?" Gavin asked, staring into his mother's eyes and holding her gaze. "And don't say you and dad." Cheryl paused and held his hand tighter.      
     "Grandma and grandpa Sterling," she said.      
     "We haven't seen them in six years," Gavin said coldly. "they don't count. And grandma and grandpa Marsh don't count, either, I don't even know them." He still held his mother's gaze.
     Cheryl started to feel nervous. She and her husband were both the only child growing up.      
     "Your school friends," she said.      
     "I don't have friends!" Gavin shouted. "You're my mom, you should know that by now!" He took his hand away from her and stood up, knocking his chair backward as he did so.      
     "Where are you going?" his mother asked him calmly.      
     "Out," he said, slipping his sneakers on.      
     "You're still in your pajamas--"    
     "I don't give a s**t!" he shouted, wrenching the door open and running out.      
     "Gav, get back here!" Cheryl shouted. Gavin didn't listen, he wanted to get the hell out of there.      
     He was so focused on running from his mother that he didn't see the car coming down the street.      
     Gavin saw it too late and tripped when he tried to stop. He fell right in front of it, and squeezed his eyes shut, preparing to get run over.      
     The car had stopped just in time, barely an inch away from running him over.
     "Gavin!" Cheryl was screamed as she ran through the yard to him. The driver of the car got out and ran in front of the vehicle, kneeling down by Gavin.
     "I'm so sorry!" the man shouted. "I didn't see you, I was on my cell phone. Are you alright?"
     Cheryl arrived and knelt down by Gavin as well. "Gavin, you're okay, you didn't get hit. Gavin!"
     She helped him sit up and was afraid at the horrified look in his eyes. He didn't speak for several minutes.
     Cheryl had sent the worried yet relieved driver on his way and helped Gavin back into the house. She sat him down at the kitchen table again and knelt in front of him, holding onto his forearms tightly.
     "Gavin, say something," Cheryl said softly. "C'mon, buddy, please talk to me."
     "What happened?" Harold asked from the doorway, yawning and scratching his head.
     "Gavin almost got hit by a car," Cheryl said. "He's not saying anything."
     Harold stood behind Cheryl and just started at Gavin.
     Several more minutes went by until Gavin blinked, tears rolling down his cheeks, and he sobbed aloud again. He brought his hands to his face and whispered, "Mom, dad, please. I need help."
     Cheryl and Harold exchanged glances. They had come up with a backup option and figured now was the time to try it.

Author's Note

Edit: It took me until the very last sentence of this chapter that Cheryl and Harold rhymed. FAIL. Anyway, I'm not changing it.

So, thoughts so far?

Reviews

[Alexis]

LOL it does rhyme! Eh, who cares. ;D

Gosh, this was an intense chapter. Your writing skills are just amazing.
I love the way you set this all up. I'm actually kind of glad you made it so that Cheryl and Harold aren't, like, abusive parents - that they really do love Gavin. It kind of seems too common if you make them cruel or abusive, so I like what you did with that.

Once again, the idea of being even more depressed over the loss of a boy/girlfriend at such a young age confuses me. I know that teenagers can be very narrow-minded and dramatic, but I just don't get it. I have noticed that teenagers do tend to be very heartbroken over the loss of their boy/girlfriend to the point of where they'd consider taking their life, but, as I've said, it just doesn't make sense to me. Maybe because I've never known the feeling... Oh well, it is what it is. Gavin is an emotional person so it actually does make sense that he's shattered over losing Charlotte.

You moved through this chapter so effortlessly and it was great. I didn't want to stop reading. You know that I have a hard time reading things online that are long (besides Homestuck, which you kind of just HAVE to read), but I really enjoy this so it won't even be a problem.

I really look forward to reading more!

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I that this was a good write. It was really an emotional chapter. I feel bad that Gavin almost got hit by a car. He had so much pain in the beginning. His parents arguing always will bring him down. Any child for that matter. I liked this though. It was awesome. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Emunah June.]

Wow...that was cool!! :DDD

I loved the names. And yknow I feel bad for Gavin, he just had a whole lot happen to him...

[M Garcia]

I really liked this! It held my interest clear through until the end of the chapter. I should actually be writing, but instead I'm reading this! Anyway, I can't wait to read more of this and will be favoriting the book. Please send me some RR when more chapters are done.

[Anonymous]

I didn't notice that Harold and Cheryl rhymed until you put it in the Author's Note! Lol!

Anywho, WOW. I literally was on the edge of my seat the entire chapter! I loved it! So much turmoil and despair all boiling up in a whirlpool! Such a riveting story; I want more chapters. Very nice job! I want to see more of Gavin and his horrid life! Continue!

_Cloud