Fields of Dreams

Bright warm spring has come!
We sprawl,
We crawl,
In my arms you fall,
In fields of orange hues.

In sweet dreams of midnoon slumber,
We talk,
We walk,
In the sun we bask,
Drenched in the musk of love.

You smile, I cry,
I feel
You seal
Me in this wheel
Of love inside your heart.

The sun goes down in crimson flames;
It flees,
And sees,
Our hearts at ease,
Jealous, unruly as it is.

In the surreal afterglow,
We face,
We taste
Sweet love's embrace
As we drift away to our world.

Reviews

[Devons]

Very beautiful words, and a quite edifying use of form in this poem. The effect created is like a picture painted: the hazy, fantastical moments of summer days spent in the way dreams would be, in a Monet-like shimmering image. In fact, the imagery is what burns through this work and sears its visions in the reader's mind. Lines such as: "In fields of orange hues."/ "In sweet dreams of midnoon slumber,"/ "Drenched in the musk of love."/ "Me in this wheel Of love inside your heart."/ "The sun goes down in crimson flames".... all crafted and carved with soulfully-inspired brush-strokes. This style would almost achieve flourishing perfection, were it not for the line: "In a lifeboat in the sea of love." which lets the side down a little in its mawkish, pop-song cliche.
Apart from this small glitch, however, this is an excellent piece of work on a theme which can so often and easily drift emotionally off into self-indulgent crassness. Well done indeed.

[Tate Morgan]

I can see it as if I live it

[ScarlettTheDreamer]

Good. I especially liked 'we sprawl, we crawl, in my arms you fall' that was beautiful!

[Dinesh Sairam]

Your words are warm as the sun's rays, Abdul. And the imagery like the glimpse of the rising sun. Well done.

[Augustus]

Delightful! I was very impressed by the flow and the rhyme...the imagery is quite simple but beautiful. And the words are soft and sweet...You have conveyed the magic of a young and wild romance with delectable delicacy. The write reminded me of the song "Fields of Gold" by Sting.....Fabulous poem, Abdul!

A critical note about the structure: I felt that you had given the poem some sort of structural outline, with five lined stanzas with the three lines in the middle rhyming. The meter however, was off in a few places. I know how well you can write in meter when you want to, so I take it that you did not pay conscious attention to the meter in this write. It is not always necessary to maintain a perfect rhythm. However, I feel that for this particular poem, and particularly for the structure that you have used, the effect would have been enhanced by a perfect adherence to the meter.
I feel the entire poem could have been written with the metrical precision of the following stanza.

"You smile, I cry,
I feel
You seal
Me in this wheel
Of love inside your heart."

The number of syllables is 4-2-2-4-6 and the meter is iambic. I feel this would have been the best way to go for this poem. Just my humble thought...
But I really enjoyed the poem.. :)

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

I liked the way you began the poem..:) very sweet and tender a poem just as love.

[Ashley.M.E]

This is really good.