For you :D

For you :D

A Poem by Alice In My Own Wonderland

I am so obsessed with your

life, Gabby you

have no idea how much

you inspired me.


you are such an angel,

and so f*****g innocent

too.


you never did anything

bad to hurt him did you?


and your calling me crazy

saying i should be locked

up in padded room,

b***h?


well you're the one who

forced a poor little

boy into a sweet relationship

of lies.



my mommy and daddy

died when i was almost

four, what else do you

expect from me you little w***e?


yes we all know how

sad you are, crying at

the grave yard in your

"dead" boyfriend's arms.


girl your just so fake

and full of s**t.


we know what you did

you b***h.

give it up and stop

playing pretend.  

© 2011 Alice In My Own Wonderland


Author's Note

Alice In My Own Wonderland
i dont care if you are friends with her, i dont care if you hate this.

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Reviews

Good write you penned these feelings very well.
♥ Ta'Shandra

Posted 8 Years Ago


First of all, I have no idea who she is. I have no opinion on her or what she's done. This was a poem obviously written in passion and anger, which is something that should be used. However, it needs some honing. You are young, and your writing is somewhat clumsy, but, as Jack London told one of his pupils, "There's a streak of fire in there", which is something that will help you write. You clearly are a fan of free verse, which is fine, but even with free verse, there should be a consistency. And, since you have a slight rhyming scheme here, structure is even more important. Work on establishing a rhythm, and finding a style that suits you. Try different forms of poems and get what works for you. You might like internal rhyming, or a free verse/rhyming combo. Also, try to find some subtlety. While shouting your views can be a good outlet, it can be a turnoff as well. Discretion, while harder to get your points across, stretches your artistic abilities, and will help you hone your writing skills, helpful if you want to/have to take classes. Metaphores, especially if used consistently throughout your wotk, will make your pieces more interesting, and add depth. It will be difficult at first (I was s****y at it and hated it when I first tried it) but the more you work at it, the better you will become, and by the time you take classes that teach it, you'll be miles ahead of the other students. Also, when your voice is more under control, take some time to consider what you would like to accomplish with your work. Too often, writers only want to write a good story and get it out there, but the books and poems (and art and music and science, etc) that are remembered are the ones that work to bring about a change, be it social, economical, emotional, mental, etc. If you want to see a change in the world, put it into your work. If nothing comes to mind right away, give it time. Eventually, you'll see something that will spark your fire, and it'll be in your art, too.

If all of this seems annoying or overwhelmng, just remember, most of this will come with time. The more you write, the closer you'll come to reaching these skills. Also, all of this is merely a suggestion. Feel free to disregard any and all of it, and hate me all you want for lecturing (although I'd appreciate it if you didn't send me any hate mail, haha). I liked this poem, and i can see lots of potential in it, so keep writing. You have talent, and it can only get better. Thank you for sharing this with me.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Good write, love those ideas you penned here, and in my opinion you're quiet different writer.
:)

Posted 8 Years Ago


seriously, this was amazing

Posted 8 Years Ago


Nice rhyming to this.

Posted 8 Years Ago


i didnt realise you guys were having a battle.....
this is a powerful message to a foe too,
just like gabby's.....

Posted 8 Years Ago


I love the last 4 stanza!
this is very well-written and it's just all around amazing!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Ironic, in a way. Its given "for you" but its bitching out a pathetic little scarlett harlot, who's trying to get attention.. very powerful and i like it.

Posted 8 Years Ago


I just laughed....seriously I just had to laugh because I know a person exactly like Gabby (and I'm sure she is friends with you too) LOL but what a jolly good piece!

Posted 8 Years Ago


This is a good poem. A lot is being said in this. For me the reading was a little choppy the way it was presented.

Posted 8 Years Ago



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Added on May 7, 2011
Last Updated on May 7, 2011

Author

Alice In My Own Wonderland
Alice In My Own Wonderland

In your brain. There is some weird stuff here...



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dont like my poems? too bad. dont like me? well the block button is write over there next to the flag button. dont like my friends? suck it. dont like anything? die already. more..

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