Absorb Me

Cbear<3

Absorb me in your laughter
Drown me in your gaze
Move me with your smile
To live so many ways
To live so many ways
I choose you.

Reviews

[JohnnyMagrinho]

Well it's a simple poem and it's quite self-explanatory, but I can give my opinion on it all the same.

It's using the simple rhyimg scheme which makes it effective at getting your point across and feelings felt. It's a sweet sentiment and while the sophistication of your wording is rather subdued by the simplicity of it, the general naivety is lost when you repeat that fourth line in the fifth.

"To live so many ways." That's not something an adolescent reminisces. That's of an older tongue, someone who has seen things, lived things; of wisdom. That contrast is subtle but effective.

The last line brings the poem back full circle and neatly ties up the main point of the piece. It's a nice sentiment and a nice read, and although simple and tidy, that repetition is probably a lot more worthwhile than you realise.

I will say this now - Most of the time, in a lot of situations in life, the simplest answer is the best. You don't always need to over complicate matters. Subtlty is key.

Wesley Sneijder for Netherlands tonight, for example. Barely ran around, barely seemed to be involved. Everytime he picked up the ball he did a killer pass. Everytime he ran he managed to beat a defender. Everything he did was of the highest quality but he was ever so subtle. If it's effective, it needn't be loud.

[allie_arrowz]

thank you

[khalid]

simple, nice, meaningful, no one single word is missed..

[Jeremy Baker]

There's some wisdom in these words which makes me stop and ponder - surely the mark of any good poem is that it catches the reader unaware and makes her/him think. Simple and therefore effective. In this case, the less said, the more the reader must work to fill in the gaps and create meaning. Great writing.

[victoria]

nice

[MOON]

Beautifully lyrical

[Kyle]

Again....your writing seems to sounds like lyrics. Have your heart that before?

That isnt a bad thing.....