Winter

Cold outside. Cold within.

 

 

 

 

Snow at my front door,

Preserves the trail of your steps.

 

My heart is cold too.

.

 

 

Reviews

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Ah! beautiful haiku!
Great imagery and a very powerful piece of writing it is...
I loved the closing line a lot - "My heart is cold too."
Surely, it is very painful and intriguing. Winter is a season which I both loves and hates the most... lolz!
Because every December reminds me of my broken relationship which is very hard to deal with..but again it brings some bitter sweet memories which I still cherish a lot...And thus it always make me cold... cold from inside..as you said!
Brilliant piece of writing :)

"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer"

[Raj]

Hey, you did it.

You made my day. Wonderful three lines ever. Period.

Go Girl!:)

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

An excellent write. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[Nicholas Hallows]

Another impressively emotional piece with very strong imagery and metaphor.
Great haiku!

[V. K. Harris]

Outstanding, well done.:)

[Rain]

The warmth of spring will melt the snow, and I hope your spring is warm, so that you can enjoy life. There's more to this than that. Rain..

[[untitled]]

If you are looking for a really good English language Haiku, this is it. Nice manipulation of the kigo. The connections go far deeper than just a season clue. The syllable structure is 5-7-5, and the meaning conveyed is very apparent and strong.

I want to touch on brevity for a "brief" moment. With English language Haikus brevity, in my opinion, is very difficult to experience because people seem to think brevity means being brief, succinct and to the point. They sacrifice meaning and complexity for short words. Or they take away syllables and use different forms such as 3-2-3 to try and be brief. In Japanese it is much easier to experience brevity as one Kanji can be 5 syllables. But the dimensions of that kanji can touch upon so many themes making it deeper and more expansive with every read. Also, in Japanese you can mix kanji with hiragana to make the Haiku more or less expressive - brevity. You can even give the Haiku a more masculine tone, or feminine tone with the use of different syllabary. Again, this is so difficult to do in English, as we only have one writing system. I think we must redefine brevity to suit the English language, and cultures within the language system.

One thing I would add to this Haiku is a comma after "door" and period after "steps" -

Snow at my front door,
Preserves the trail of your steps.
My heart is cold too.

I think it makes the Haiku even more dramatic. I can feel your pain even more. I sit and wonder - what happened?

Peace.

[A. L. Robinson]

beautiful!

[Crazy Cat Man]

beautiful

[Karianna Allum]

Wow. I love how you use the season to convey a scene of human interrelation and emotion.