Saturday

Saturday

A Chapter by Imara
"

Todd takes his dog on a walk to a familiar dog park to meet someone unfamiliar. A flame hair, freckled girl with an interesting set of eyes. Sparks are fly, they decide to find something fun to do.

"

Saturday, a perfect Saturday for the beginning of a perfect summer. The sun was shining brightly through the leafy trees. Lacey, my beauceron mix, came sprinting back to me with her yellow tennis ball that would need to be replaced soon. She whined slightly, as I felt the breeze blow through the  high rise grass. The butterflies, dragonflies and regular flies buzzed around. There were about four other dog owners here doing the same as me, wandering around playing with their dogs.

“Drop.” I said, her black head and brown muzzle, tail and paws all shook slightly with excitement. She didn’t mind the gnats buzzing around her, occasionally landing. I chucked the ball as far as I could but it was not far enough nor was it fast enough. She caught it just before it hit the tips of the queens anne's lace and dandelions, snatched it up in her powerful jaws and sprinted back to me.

Her powerful legs ran back to me. I did this a few more times before I told her no. I began to walk up the trail she followed loyally by my side, giving my hand longing looks wanting me to throw it again. I felt her cold nose nudge my hand, “Stop it Lacey, we’re almost there.” Giving an impatient huff she stayed by my side but tried to get me to move faster.

We rounded the last corner and Lake Marley came into view. The thick grassy grove of trees gave way to the thick grassy plains which gave way to the lake. It was a hot day, Lacey and I had only been out here an hour and my shirt was soaked as though I had same through the crystal waters of the lake. Lacey gave me another whine. “Oh fine you big baby.” I chucked the ball into the water.

Giving the first belly flop of the season into the water, I kicked my shoes off and walked to the dock. The crickets jumping over my toes, grass slipping through my toes until I reached the docks. A few more parents to dogs jogged around the lake calmly. Lacey jumped onto the deck soaking me with water, which didn’t matter because it felt good.  I threw it again out into the water, “OW.”

The water settled from Lacey’s last belly flop and I noticed a big red dot. She swam over to me, Lacey avoiding her all the while still looking for her ball. She pulled herself out onto the deck, her bright flaming highlighter hair was no doubt dyed, her face tanned very nicely a summer child with an abundance of summer freckles. Snakebites pierced onto her lips. Her swimsuit was a floral bikini. Her face was small except for her lips which seemed too big for her. “Hey, I think this is yours.”

I smiled back at her, “Yea sorry about that I didn’t see you.”

She returned it, “I hope you didn’t. Otherwise I would think that you already knew me.”

She sat down next to me and I got a better look at her, a small angular nose. Her eyes,we a rainbow lined in gold. Literally each part of the iris took on a different color and they were ringer in a bright, glowing gold. “Well I don’t know you, but I wouldn’t mind knowing you.”

She laughed, “Smooth talker aren’t you? Well I’m Olivia Keres Locke. But you can just call me Keres.”

“Why?”

“Olivia is too common a name, and Keres sounds cooler.”

She was pretty, “I’m Todd, nice to meet ya.” I stuck out my hand, she grinning and attempted to shake it but instead I turned it and gently kissed it.

“I’m not sure whether to call you a gentleman or a man who moves fast.”

“Neither I’m Todd remember.” I smiled.

“And clever. Oh please stop I might just fall in love.” A pool of water had formed underneath her and had now seeped over to me.”Should we let your dog know that her ball is over here.”

“She’ll figure it out eventually.” I paused and we watched her paddle around for another minute or two. “Or maybe she won’t.”

She laughed. I whistled and she leapt onto the deck. She growled, baring her teeth. Keres bared her teeth back, her rainbow eyes flashed. Her ears went flat against her head and she whimpered. “Here’s your ball silly.” She tossed it into the lake.

“Sorry, she’s a guard dog. Hope you’re not scared, she’s a sweetheart I promise.”

“Don’t worry, I’m good with animals. I won’t lose any sleep over her.”

Lacey brought the ball back to me and we continued to play fetch. “Do you have a dog?”

“No, too much work for me.”

“Then what are you doing here, it is a dog park.”

“So it’s illegal to just come here to swim and enjoy nature?”

“No, I’m pretty sure that’s illegal. I’m going to have to turn you in.”

“Is there anyway that I could bribe you into not turning me in?” She fluttered her golden eyes at me with a flirty smile she leaned in.

Inches away from my face, her breath smelled like a tuna sandwich that I suppose she had for lunch. I wish that she had a mint, but then I thought my breath didn’t smell all that well either. I smiled, “You could give me a kiss?” I smiled.

She smiled, “Well, you’d have to catch me first.” She slid off the deck and into the water. Lacey jumped out of the lake at the same time, plopped the ball into my lap and let her tongue waggle out panting.

I took a second before following her into the cool waters. I better get something after this, I thought seeing her her bright tulip colored hair. The water made her b***s look somewhat bigger. She was a b cup at minimum.

I paddled over to her but she swam further away, she was a strong swimmer. Fast and powerful strokes, by the time I got to her original position she already had doubled the distance between us. “Looks like I won’t have to worry about you turning me into the police.” She sat on the marshy grassland that the wake water lapped at her toes.

I slowly made my way over to her, “Well eventually I’ll catch you.” It was harder than I expected to get over to her. She giggled at me and pulled me out of the water and then planted one hard, sexy kiss on my lips right there. She was stronger than she looked even though she was short. The taste of tuna danced between our tongues, the scent of the lake pulled us closer.

She parted from me with a smile and I was panting a little. Slipping her hand into mine she walked me back to the deck. Lacey behind us all the while keeping a sharp eye on her. “I have to go.”

“Why?”

She stopped and slipped on some shorts and a hoodie, the hoodie made it look like she wasn’t even wearing pants. “I have things to do other than fool around with you.”

I looked at her eyes, they were contacts without a doubt. “It’s the summer, we have nothing to do with our lives.”

“I do.” She said taking her Ipod out and sticking the buds in her ear, but she didn’t turn the music on. “Unless you have something better for me to do.”

I laughed, “Yea there’s a party in my pants you’re invited to. Just kidding.” I said quickly but she was laughing so it was ok. Her hair blew in the wind, like a candle. “Well I have a car and a phone and we’re teens. I can very quickly find something for us to do.”

She paused thinking it over, hit the play button on her little white music box and smiled. The two silver balls on the underpart of her lip moving, “Ten minutes to find something to do.”



© 2013 Imara


Author's Note

Imara
Did the flow of the story work, was it broken or get awkward at any point in time? What do you think of the characters so far?

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Reviews

You really own this- it's quirky and amazing. One minute your narrator is a poetic, proper gentleman, the next he's talking b***s and tuna fish and that certain localised party invitation - love it! I've indicated a few miniscule typos for this review, but the only important thing to say is- your characters have a lot of spark, and you have a true flaire for bringing them out in full-colour, so keep concentrating on that^_^
You've used the same adverb/adjective in a few places like 'slightly,' 'powerful' and 'thick grassy' which can weaken the images a little unless you really like the repetition. You don't have to change anything that your happy with, but keep playing round with description so that it moves the plot or really sets the characters apart- it doesn't have to feel like padding. It can be realisic, it can also be jaw-dropping!
'(As) I began to walk up the trail, she followed...'
'my shirt was soaked as though I had (swum) ? ...'
Puncuate dialogue: tag speakers with a comma and use full stop for seperate sentences. e.g. 'She was pretty(.) “I’m Todd,..."
Specify which she is which in the paragrah where Keres and Lacey bare their teeth at each other. This is a comic point in time, but we're not sue who has maleable ears...
If it's okizae with you, I'm going on to the next chapter.


Posted 11 Years Ago


Imara

11 Years Ago

Oh thank you so much for your kind review, I will make those correction. WC needs more reviews like .. read more
Talismanic

11 Years Ago

Shux really... Thank you ^_^
Great start. I just saw some mistakes here and there. But nice characterization.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Imara

11 Years Ago

Thank you!
Rhianne Ney

11 Years Ago

You're welcome
This was cool! I enjoyed it. It definitely flowed and you have a knack for descriptions. Very cute story - definitely continue it. I'm rooting for Todd.

Now I want some tuna :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Imara

11 Years Ago

Aw thank you! I'm always so worried about the flow, I'm glad you think so. Comments like this is wha.. read more

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Added on April 1, 2013
Last Updated on April 1, 2013
Tags: summer, lake, kiss, dog, swim, red hair, rainbow


Author

Imara
Imara

Cranston, RI



About
My Name is Imara, if you couldn't already tell, I'm currently in High school and completly unsure what to do with my life. I've been to a few places in America, which I try to incorporate into my writ.. more..

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