I love her

A love poem.

When i look above,
i see sky holding the stars.
For all,
moon seems miles away,
much distant and far.
But my moon is standing,
beside me
Natural, beautiful, my fantasy.

O ye O ye
she is my pretty queen
my heartbreaker, heartmaker
everything she is.
Fighter, lover, medicine, my healer
sparkler, sweeter, thriller and I feel

I love her,
she is in my beautiful memories.
Stuck in my heart,
written in the stars
her name with me.

Author's Note

Thanks for read and review.

Reviews

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

I have some suggestions for you to improve on your grammar in this piece, but it's up to you to pay heed or not. I only wish to help :).

First stanza, line one and line two:
When I "look" above,
"I see" sky holding the stars

First stanza, line seven:
Beside me (omit "of")

Stanza two, line four:
Everything "she is"

Stanza two, line five and six:
"My" fighter, lover, medicine, "healer,"
sparkler, sweeter, thriller"," and I feel

Otherwise, no other suggestions I can come up with. It is a very sweet ode to one's love. A lovely serenade to sing (it sounds like one anyways!).

[armin]

Thankyou Nadia ,I'll definitely consider your suggestions.

[AaronFreitas]

Awesome piece... this person should feel very loved by you.
Good work!

[Amulya Bhardwaj]

lovely n cutee.... n romantic too!!
I love it!!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

I really like this poem... it has an outstanding flow to it and it has a beautiful meaning!
If you would be so kind could you read my story I just right called, You are Loved?
That would be great!
I see lots of potential in your writing!

[armin]

oh for sure, thank you so much for such an appreciation.

[...]

A beautiful dance to the beat of a love filled heart

[armin]

Thank you for your lovely visit.

[Wordpress]

Some pretty lines Armin, if only the sky held stars in its bosom and our lovers were our medicine.

[armin]

Thanks for your kind visit.

[Valentine]

Finding that special one leaves such sweet memories in the heart. Valentine

[armin]

Indeed Kathie, thanks for reviewing.

[Valentine]

You are very welcome.

[SleeplessVolcano]

I like how you play with words.....heartbreaker, heartmaker.....vivid images, of the moon standing besides me.......great writing!

[armin]

Thankyou. ..

[Lexi Richard]

This poem is lovely!
"she is my pretty queen
my heartbreaker, heartmaker
everything is she.
Fighter, lover, medicine, my heal
sparkler, sweeter, thriller and I feel "
This part is particularly beautiful. I love your comparisons and the flow to this. All around, this is a wonderful piece. Keep up the good work.

[armin]

Thankyou Lexi for creating the amazing contest.

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Great love poem. Very well written. :) Rudi

[armin]

Thanks Rudi for visiting and commenting.

[jo]

Its a good piece especially for the one you love its loving.
Jo

[armin]

Thankyou so much Jo, I appreciate it very much.